


Chirrut and Baze's Rad Restaurant and Eatery

by atollon



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BAMF Bodhi Rook, BAMF Jyn Erso, Chirrut and Baze own a restaurant, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, M/M, Multi, Period-Typical Homophobia, Road Trips, Slow Burn, but no one's arguing, piecing your life back together is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-08 00:18:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 50,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11070096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atollon/pseuds/atollon
Summary: Cassian Andor and Kay Tuesso are two war veterans discharged one year before the end of their four-year enlistment due to multiple injuries sustained in a diplomatic mission gone awry. With a golden ticket to a free tuition and an army pension on behalf of Kay's disability, they're both working for their MBAs in the field of finance. One day, Kay follows Cassian's joking advice to take up a part-time job as a deliveryman for the adrenaline rush and gets a job at Chirrut and Baze's Rad Restaurant and Eatery.





	1. he's here for us

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my beta reader, Ameth, without whom I would not have bothered expanding this work beyond its first chapter.
> 
> The song list (without links to any platforms) is [here](http://atollon.tumblr.com/post/162008706230/complete-chronological-list-of-songs-mentioned-in) and the Spotify playlist is [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/2257e4oktgjjgy6xws6qdsmoq/playlist/2NDc0PZoLAoPxQFAmVYKAl).
> 
> Disclaimer: All characters are the intellectual property of Lucasfilm. I do not claim rights to these characters. I do not profit monetarily in any way, shape, or form through the publication of this work through this archive.

Chapter One

The door swung shut on its hinges behind him. Kay looked around, for a moment disoriented. The restaurant was small, a family establishment located on the corner of a block with its two cross-streets sloping down, away from where it was situated atop the small hill.

“Hi! Could I help you? Where would you like a table?”

Kay blinked. The woman from behind the counter was approaching him, on the hunt, with two laminated menus tucked under her arm in a way that was eerily reminiscent of a sniper carrying their rifle.

“Sorry,” said Kay, a bit too emotionlessly. “I’m not here to eat. This is...a rescue mission.”

“Sorry, what?” The woman paused her customer-seating rampage, already half-dragging him to an empty table. He squinted at the top of her black apron, but there was no name-tag attached.

“Your advertisement,” Kay began rather lamely, an anti-climactic statement from the one he’d made seconds before. The woman was still looking at him suspiciously.

“You advertised that you needed a delivery man. It said ‘URGENT.’ In quite large capital letters. So I’m here to inquire about the job, if it’s still available.”

The woman’s eyes brightened considerably, and she stopped all remaining efforts to seat Kay at the empty table. Instead, she directed him up towards the counter.

“I have a resume if you want it…” Kay trailed off, reaching around for his messenger bag. The woman paused, turned around, and raised her eyebrows slightly.

“The only thing you’ll need is a bike and a reflective vest,” she replied, brushing away his outstretched arm and offered folder.

“Should I…” he began uneasily, unsure of how to politely suggest a way to get better acquainted with his new position.

The woman checked her watch. “You might as well stay for lunch. It’s from 4-5pm, and you’ll meet Papa and the rest of the collective.”

Kay blinked.

“If you don’t have anything planned, that is,” she added hastily.

Kay shook his head numbly. No, he was without any further commitments that evening, and this job was Cassian’s idea anyway, so if he got back to the apartment late, there was someone to blame.

The woman leaned around the doorway into the small kitchen and yelled in, “Bodhi, could you cover for me?”

There was a huff of exasperation from inside, and a guy emerged with two plates in each hand. He glanced at Kay, then did a double-take, pausing, with the plates trembling dangerously, balanced precariously on the insides of his forearms.

“Kay!” he exclaimed.

Kay blinked. “Bodhi Rook, Empire sophomore when last I saw you,” he returned.

The woman folded her arms. “You two know each other?”

“We went to the same highschool. Kay was two grades above me.” Bodhi shifted rather uneasily with his plates. Kay concluded that the food must have cooled at least 4ºF. “Glad to get out of that place, yeah?” Bodhi added, then weakly motioned at the plates with his chin. “Sorry, gotta…” He vanished around the corner.

The woman sighed. “Can’t believe we’re siblings and he still never bothers to tell me these things.” Then she looked up sharply at Kay, as if remembering his presence, and as if daring him to ask a invasive, perhaps rude, personal question.

Instead, Kay peered rather hesitantly into the kitchen through the door, noted the two older men cooking side by side, and said, “I assume your fathers got engaged after both of you finished highschool, then.”

The woman’s eyebrows shot up. “After Bodhi finished highschool. I was two years below him, but we’d also gone to different schools, so…” she trailed off, then glanced back inside the main room.

“Do you want to hang around and wait?” She took a breath. “I’m sorry, this is weird. We close at 3:45 so that we can finish making lunches for ourselves, and most of our customers are regulars so they usually clear out by 4pm anyway. Then the entire staff, which is me, Bodhi, Papa, and Chirrut, as well as the occasional deliveryman if we have one, sit down and eat.” She leaned against the wall.

“It’s nice, when we get together like that. Back when I was still in college, and I mean, Bodhi still is, things were so hectic, and the routine was nice. It was something we could all look forward to, something that remained constant.” The woman was rambling, but it was calming and lacked a self-congratulatory air.

Then she suddenly jolted away from the wall, standing upright. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry – I didn’t even introduce myself.” She hastily extended her hand, which Kay awkwardly took. “I’m Jyn.”

Kay was also coming to the realization that he hadn’t exactly introduced himself either, not properly, when, still shaking his hand, Jyn said, “and you’re Kay, I presume? Is that a nickname, or…”

“My first name is Kay; K-A-Y,” he spelled out, “and my last name is Tuesso.”

“Pleasure,” said Jyn graciously, finally releasing his hand. “So, Kay, what would you like for lunch?” She extracted one menu from underneath her arm, and handed it to him. The menu advertised a blend of cultural foods from several countries in Eastern Asia. Unfortunately, Kay wasn’t exactly a specialist on anything he saw, which was a shame. He had to look that up, then. Definitely, if he was to be working here.

“So, that’s it?” he replied as a means of stalling. “You’re hiring me, just like that?” He would still have liked to give Jyn, or anyone, his resume. It would calm him down, first and foremost.

“Sure,” she retorted easily. “I mean, we do urgently need a deliveryman, and you’re here, so that’s that. Plus, Bodhi seems to know you. Kind of. So that’s a figurative point on your figurative deliveryman resume. And I didn’t go to culinary school for three years to remain with little to no authority in the goings-on of my own family business.”

There was a sigh from a deep, gruff voice in the kitchen. “That’s Baze,” Jyn said. “He’s the second head chef and acting manager. Also, my dad.”

“As if anyone can pretend to have more power in this restaurant than you,” grumbled Baze’s voice.

Jyn stifled a laugh.

Bodhi hipchecked Jyn out of his way, carrying empty plates and a mason jar still full of ice cubes, as he made his way into the kitchen.

“So,” Jyn prompted, looking pointedly at the menu in Kay’s hands.

“I _will_ pay for everything,” Kay attempted to preface, but was interrupted by a chorus of “NO!”s from Jyn and from Bodhi back in the kitchen, before Bodhi reappeared back in the kitchen doorway.

“What’s the easiest thing to make?” Kay tried instead.

“Fried rice,” said Jyn and Bodhi in complete unison.

“Fundamentally untrue!” a bright voice exclaimed from the kitchen, and Jyn sighed. “Easiest things to make are veggie dumplings,” added the voice, and Jyn shook her head.

“That’s my father,” Bodhi clarified. “He can make amazing dumplings in one-third of the time it takes Jyn to make decent fried rice.”

“Here,” Jyn said, gesturing for Kay to follow. “It’s almost 3:45 – I’ll go hang up the Closed sign.” She left Kay to stand, slightly disoriented, in the middle of the restaurant, as she hightailed it to the door and hung up the sign.

“Here,” she huffed, as Bodhi collected the check from a party of four and cleared away the last of their plates. “Help me move these two tables together, and then I have to help Chirrut make your dumplings. Sorry we don’t have another table available nearby.”

The two tables were, as it happened, located against a long bench and were nearest to the kitchen. Fully expecting to be cast out to a solitary table on the opposite end of the restaurant with the dumplings he’d skived off of Jyn and her stepfather, he was surprised when Jyn continued:

“It’ll be a bit crammed, but you can share this side of the table with me, and you’ll get to meet Papa and Chirrut.”

Together, they lifted up the small square wooden table and carried it to rest against the second one. Two other customers gathered their things, preparing to leave.

“You can sit down for now – we’ll be right over,” Jyn suggested while pulling a hairnet out of an apron pocket, into which she deftly tucked her coil of brown hair, and covered it with her baseball cap. “Sorry, regulations,” she said apologetically, tapping her hat with a finger before vanishing into the kitchen herself.

Feeling rather like a self-invited guest, Kay settled onto the bench and tried to make himself thinner and less noticeable than he already was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around until the end of the chapter! Comments are greatly appreciated.


	2. a long ride ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're still here! That's rad.

Chapter Two

Presently, before Kay could get too far into the habit of self-doubt and discomfort, Jyn reappeared with a bowl of dumplings and a plate of buckwheat noodles.

“Stop sulking and scoot over, recruit,” she cajoled, setting both dishes on his side of the table. Snapping to attention reflexively, Kay moved over to leave room for Jyn to squeeze in next to him.

“Want anything to drink?” she asked, laying out the cutlery.

“Water’s fine,” Kay replied, still feeling distinctly uncomfortable.

“Gotcha.”

Jyn headed back into the kitchen, and returned a moment later with a glass of iced water and another glass of something fizzy and pale green.

“How you drink that is beyond me,” said Bodhi, appearing in the doorway with a ladle and a large bowl that appeared to be full of something akin to soup.

“Pilaf,” he explained, setting the bowl down on the table next to them, and laying out four smaller bowls. Jyn declined hers.

“Would you like to try it?” Bodhi offered Kay Jyn’s rejected bowl. “It’s rice that’s made over broth – in this case, chicken – with some caramelized onions and carrots. There’s also some spice; cumin, coriander, saffron, and paprika.”

So not soup. Kay accepted two large ladlefulls of it. The rice was long-grained and golden, and the smell was nice.

Both Bodhi and Jyn departed for the kitchen again. Kay took the time to look around.

The photographs behind the counter, the dark brown lacquered tabletops, the warm food – it all felt so heartachingly homely, something both he and Cassian had long-since lost after enlisting in the army eight years ago. Maybe even earlier. And it hadn’t been the only thing they’d lost.

Kay flexed the fingers of his right hand. The prosthetic complied, almost soundlessly. Bodhi reappeared carrying two large bowls of dumplings with sides of boiled eggs, as well as a smaller tray of curry puffs, with Jyn behind him carrying another tray of drinks.

Bodhi set the bowls down on the first table, before starting so suddenly that Jyn almost upended her tray. Kay followed Bodhi’s gaze to his own arm, of which he was still reflexively curling and uncurling his fingers.

Realizing that Kay had noticed what Bodhi was staring at, Bodhi started to stammer out an apology, hastily fidgeting with the cutlery and not meeting Kay’s eyes. Before Kay could assure Bodhi that no grievous offense had been committed, to his surprise, Jyn cut in.

“He’s an engineering major, getting his joint master’s in that and molecular biology.”

Bodhi blushed, looking a little frayed around the edges. He’d taken his hair out of the hairnet, and Kay was surprised when the tail of a long, neat braid fell over his shoulder in all of his fidgeting. The last he remembered of sophomore Bodhi’s hair was short locks that always curled slightly in the humidity.

It was pleasantly surprising, at least, when someone took an interest in his prosthetic for a reason other than “so how did you lose your arm?”

“You can examine it if you want,” Kay offered. He couldn’t deny that the arm was a technological marvel.

“Not over the food, of course,” stammered Bodhi, “and probably not today – I wouldn’t want to keep you. But if you ever come over and you have free time, we can go upstairs – I’ve set up a workstation with good lighting, and maybe I can look up the blueprints for it...”

Kay had no feelings, one way or another, towards the prosthetic, other than the fact that it needed regular cleaning – but he was left-handed anyway – so he agreed.

“Could I?”

Kay let Bodhi take his hand, feeling the pressure of Bodhi’s fingers against the pressure pads in the alloy.

As if reading his mind, Bodhi exclaimed, “Pressure sensitive! Incredible!” Bringing the hand up closer to his face, he said, almost to himself, “Military-made. This is truly a work of art!”

Bodhi let his hand go, and seated himself across from Kay. Jyn had vanished back into the kitchen. Bodhi’s eyes were bright, practically glowing with excitement.

Kay looked up just as the two older men, Chirrut and Baze, Kay presumed, entered from the kitchen, followed by Jyn. The man with short hair took carefully measured steps, and reached out for the corner of the table. Finding it where it should be, he seated himself opposite the other man, next to Bodhi, and Kay was sandwiched between the second man and Jyn as she took her seat to his left.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Kay,” said the man sitting next to Bodhi, whose voice was the one that had proclaimed dumplings superior in their speedy preparation. So, Chirrut. Then the man sitting stoically next to him was Baze.

“Likewise,” Kay answered, and when both Chirrut and Baze inclined their heads towards him in acknowledgement, Kay was surprised as he noticed Chirrut’s pale eyes.

But Chirrut’s hand found his chopsticks, and as Baze ladled some pilaf into his bowl, he commenced eating quickly and gracefully.

“Good meal,” rumbled Baze, and everyone began eating.

At first it was mostly silent, the quiet clicking of the sticks interspersed with only short comments. (“Can I steal a dumpling, Papa?” Jyn gave Baze puppy eyes over Kay. “Make your own,” he huffed in response. He let her steal two.)

The pilaf was good, and Kay was hungry for something other than pasta and cold potatoes over a beer with Cassian at 11pm. He was so intent on studiously consuming the pilaf that he nearly inhaled an onion when Baze, of all people, addressed him and asked, “How are your studies going? We hope that the part-time won’t conflict with your classes.”

While attempting to swallow his mouthful of pilaf as quickly as humanly possible, maybe even faster, to answer, Kay considered how the hell Baze had deigned that he was still going to grad school. Then again, his military-made prosthetic, capped with his resume and the fact that he was looking for a part-time, not full-time job, was probably enough evidence as it was. At least Baze hadn’t asked why he’d enlisted.

Why _had_ he enlisted? Truth be told, he’d enlisted because Cassian had, because Cassian was the closest thing he’d had to a family while bouncing from one foster home to the next, and because Cassian had lost his own parents that summer to the war. Because Cassian had been convinced that the army was his only way out, and because they were all both of them had left.

Kay swallowed. “No, it’s fine. My MBA classes are in the mornings, and I have most of the afternoon and evening off.” He’d taken morning classes out of practicality. It had taken a good deal of cajoling to get Cassian to do the same.

“Then you can come for lunch at 4, and do evening deliveries,” said Chirrut. “Most people order takeout in the evening anyway, when they’re too tired to go out and eat. We close at 10pm, if that’s not too late for you. You’re under no obligation to stay that late, though, if it doesn’t work well for you. Oh, and you can bring your roommate over for lunch.”

“The time is alright,” Kay assured. He’d have plenty of time in the afternoon to work on his assignments. But how in God’s name did Chirrut know he had a roommate?

“You can come in three times a week,” Chirrut continued, “Would Monday, Wednesday, and Friday work? No weekends. And we’re closed on Thursdays.”

“Yes, definitely,” said Kay.

“The pay is $15 an hour, and you can keep the tips. We can pay you biweekly if it works better for you,” Baze supplied.

Kay quickly ran the calculations. $15 an hour, 5 hours a day, would give him $75 a day, so $225 a week, and $900 a month. With tips, maybe $1000. With his and Cassian’s combined army pensions of $2000 a month each, it was more than enough, even including government taxes.

“Thank you,” said Kay.

‘Will that cover it?” Chirrut asked.

“It’s fine,” Kay reassured again. “My roommate and I both have army pensions, so…”

“You served together, I presume,” Chirrut ventured. Kay started.

“Dad,” protested Bodhi quietly.

“And because you both have army pensions and live together, you were discharged together.”

Kay nodded, then winced inwardly. “Yes.”

“And suddenly, then. Your prosthetic arm confirms that it was an injury, and if your roommate was discharged with you, then from a mission together.”

Chirrut’s interpretation was uncannily accurate.

“The fact that you’re the one that’s missing an arm, and that there’s something wrong with your right leg too, judging by your arrhythmic stride and the sound of your footsteps, I’d say that you were also his subordinate, and that’s why you took the brunt of the injuries.”

The table was silent. Kay, quite frankly, was at a loss for words. Both Baze and Chirrut could read him like a book, and Chirrut couldn’t even see him.

“Dad,” whispered Bodhi again, breaking the silence. Jyn winced.

Everything that Chirrut had said was true. Kay couldn’t say that he was angry that Chirrut had gotten all of that, but it was definitely strange to be seen through by a complete stranger.

He hadn’t really gone out much after being discharged, hadn’t tried to integrate himself back into society. Just apartment, university. University, apartment. Maybe a stop at the grocery store, where he chose the self-checkout lane. He realized, though, that from all he could infer, both Jyn and Bodhi had been adopted, so Baze and Chirrut would have had to be incredibly perceptive as parents. That explained a lot, actually.

“That’s true.” He was unsure how to begin. “Cassian, my roommate, was a decorated captain, and I served in his regiment. We enlisted together, and were discharged together one year prior to the end of our four-year term.” Kay considered what to say next. His own life story, he didn’t particularly care about, but he wanted to be careful not to disclose anything personal about Cassian.

“He, um, got a master’s in financial reporting, but he’s studying for an MBA with me now for business and management.”

“Are you–” Jyn began, then thought better of it. Bodhi coughed, got up hurriedly, and collected the empty pilaf bowls, disappearing into the kitchen. Chirrut was solemn over his curry puff.

“I apologize, Kay. I overstepped,” said Chirrut as Bodhi returned to the table with a bowl of rice pudding.

“It’s alright,” said Kay. “And to your question, Jyn–”

Everyone at the table froze.

“No, I am not sleeping with my roommate.”

Jyn made a muffled noise of embarrassment as Bodhi choked on his tea and Baze let out a hearty chuckle.

“Rice pudding?” Bodhi offered, once he got his breath back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are, as always, greatly appreciated.


	3. trust goes both ways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, content warning for alcohol abuse and allusion to a suicide attempt. This chapter can be skipped without losing the overall string of the plot.

Chapter Three

Kay dropped his keys on the counter, then looked around warily for Cassian.

“Heyyyy, Kayyy, is that you?” came a slightly-slurred voice from the kitchen.

Unsettled, Kay shook off his shoes and, still in his jacket, peered into the kitchen. Cassian was perched on the kitchen countertop, waving his legs idly back and forth, with a can of beer sitting next to him.

“It _is_ you,” exclaimed Cassian, and with some difficulty, slid off the counter, nearly ending up on his face on the kitchen floor before Kay caught him by his upper arms and righted him.

“Come on, walk,” commanded Kay, and half-dragged Cassian into the living room. “Lay down,” he ordered, dropping Cassian in a heap onto the old loveseat. Cassian struggled to get back up, but Kay shoved him down.

“You’ll be a hazard, wandering around the apartment,” Kay said simply.

“I’m not _that_ drunk,” retorted Cassian sloppily, and Kay felt a pang of sadness, knowing that he had actually seen Cassian that drunk before.

“Did you kick me out of the apartment just so that you could get well and truly shattered?” sighed Kay.

“Noooo,” replied Cassian, still trying to find purchase and pull himself out of the loveseat. Both the loveseat and Kay resisted his attempts.

Kay raised an eyebrow.

“Yes?” Cassian amended, and Kay groaned.

Cassian finally managed to grab something, the something being Kay’s sweater, and pulled himself up to Kay’s face. His hair was stuck to his forehead and he hadn’t shaved that morning. He also smelled like cheap beer.

“Kiss me,” he demanded sullenly. “I’m sexually frustrated.”

“And drunk,” replied Kay calmly, removing Cassian’s hand from his sweaterfront and letting him fall back into the couch. “So no.”

Kay stepped away, leaving Cassian to wallow in self-pity inside the loveseat.

“Stay on your side,” Kay called through the living room doorway. “You’ll be less likely to choke on your vomit.” He heard a groan in response, and the sound of shifting fabric. Kay stuck his head back into the room to make sure, and indeed, Cassian had managed to maneuver himself onto his side, and lay staring sadly at the wall.

Kay headed back into the kitchen, and sighing, lifted the wastebin lid. Three more beer cans, all empty. He dropped the lid back onto the bin and picked up the can on the counter. Half-empty. So not alcohol poisoning yet. That was good. Grimacing, he downed the rest of the can, tossed it, and opened the fridge, Two more cans sat guiltily on the bottom shelf, amidst several tupperware containers full of potatoes and a bowl covered with seran wrap filled with salad.

“Really? Coors?” Kay yelled.

“It was on sale,” Cassian shouted back defensively, and followed it up with a groan.

Fuck. Hold on.

Kay threw open the cabinet above the sink, and grabbed the bottle of antidepressants. Shit. His hands were starting to shake, and he had trouble unscrewing the child-proof cap. Finally managing to wrench off the cap, Kay gasped with relief. The amount was still the same as it had been this morning, and counting the pills, he confirmed it. Shoving the lid back on, Kay slammed the bottle onto the counter. His hands were still shaking.

“Fuck you!” he shouted vehemently. Jesus Christ.

“You could have asked,” came the quiet reply from the living room.

“As if you’d tell me,” muttered Kay, but not loud enough for Cassian to hear. Shitfuck. He needed to calm down.

Then another realization struck him.

Hurriedly picking the bottle of antidepressants back up, Kay unfurled the label.

_Do not take within 24 hours of consuming alcohol._

“God dAMN YOU, CASSIAN.”

There was no reply.

Kay sighed, shoved the pill bottle back into the medicine cabinet, and shut it. Well, there was nothing that could be done about that now, he reasoned, and giving a moral sermon to Cassian wouldn’t exactly work either, given that he would most likely remember nothing from tonight in the morning. Thoroughly worried and tired out, Kay shuffled back into the living room and leaned against the doorframe.

Cassian was still lying on his side on the loveseat, his feet propped up on an armrest. He seemed lost in thought, and to have forgotten their respective outbursts only minutes ago. Well, it was mostly Kay who had been doing the outbursting.

“I brought leftovers,” Kay suggested as a peace offering.

Cassian relaxed considerably, and appeared to be rousing from his reverie. “Leftovers. That’s nice of you. Maybe leave a tiny bit for me?” he attempted to sit up, but his feet atop the armrest threw off his balance, and after several attempts of being unable to discern exactly what was the matter, he collapsed back onto the couch with a groan.

“Relax, they’re all for you,” Kay assured him from the doorway. He still had perfect recollection of Baze ladling some dumplings, fried rice, and teriyaki chicken into a takeout box, with a short “We had leftovers,” before handing it to a mortified Kay. “Oh no,” confided Chirrut to him gleefully as they saw him to the door, “Baze made that specifically for your roommate after I told him you lived with one.” With that and a wink from Jyn, Kay was thrust out the door, and the Closed sign behind him had flipped back to Open. “Compliments of the chef.”

He looked over. Cassian had, during Kay’s musings, fallen asleep, having tuckered himself out with repeated physical altercations with the loveseat.

“I hate you so much sometimes,” Kay said glibly, and sulked off into his room to continue his research on U.S. trade regulations. After some consideration, he locked his bedroom door. A hungover Cassian in his bed was difficult to reason with, as he’d garnered from past experiences. And he, for one, learned from his mistakes.

*

Kay woke up to the feeble and persistent yelling of his alarm, as he did every Sunday, and every day in general, and struggled up. Momentarily forgetting that he’d locked his door the night before, Kay nearly wrenched off the doorknob before remembering to turn the lock.

The door to Cassian’s room was ajar. Warily, Kay checked the living room. The loveseat was empty. He checked the bathroom. Also empty. Then Cassian had stumbled into his room sometime during the night.

Kay opened the blinds on the kitchen window, and was halfway to reaching for the coffee grounds before he reconsidered. With the disruption in Cassian’s artificial serotonin cycle, he’d be more prone to mood swings, and was hungover on top of that. Caffeine would increase his heart rate and could possibly trigger a panic attack.

Kay replaced the coffee back into the cupboard. Something with no caffeine, then. Even being 6’4, Kay still had to stand on his toes to dig around the top shelf of the cabinet. Behind some plastic cutlery, he uncovered an open box of white tea. That would do. He set the kettle on the stove, took two Advils and a glass of water, and kicked open the door to Cassian’s room.

Cassian was sprawled half on and half off the bed, still in jeans and a rather decrepit KALE UNIVERSITY crewneck.

“Fuck off,” he muttered to the blanket sitting in a neglected pile on the floor.

“That’s my line,” said Kay dryly, and set the glass of water on the floor by Cassian’s hand. “I won’t have you ruining your sleeping schedule on a Sunday. You may have finished your final term paper, but you still haven’t touched the rest of your assignments.”

“Moving hurts,” Cassian complained, investing all of his willpower into grabbing the cup and sitting up. “Uunh,” he breathed, sitting back onto his heels and leaning his forehead against the wall.

“Stop trying to seduce me. It didn’t work last night, and it won’t work today,” said Kay.

Cassian peeled himself off of the wall with great difficulty. “Oh my god, Kay, I’m so sorry.”

Kay shrugged nonchalantly. “Here,” he said, by means of responding, and held out the two Advils.

Cassian squinted at them. “That’s not Xanax.”

“No, you absolute farce, it’s Advil. You can’t take anything else until the evening.”

Cassian squeezed his eyes tightly shut, took the pills, and leaned back against the wall, downing the rest of the water. Kay held out his hand for the empty glass. Ignoring him, or as much as you can ignore someone with your eyes shut, Cassian pressed the empty glass to his forehead and drew his knees to his chest. An invitation to sit.

Kay sat on the edge of the bed.

“I’m so sorry, Kay,” came the hoarse whisper.

“If I couldn’t deal with your drunken attempts at sexual advances, I would have moved out three years ago,” Kay started.

“No, no. No.” Another deep breath. “Well, yes, that too, but… I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry for being this absolute fuckup, of a roommate, of a captain, I’m sorry for being this constant problem, for what happened back in the field, about your arm and your hip and because I was supposed to be there; I was your captain, I was responsible for you, and I fucked that all up, I –”

“Cassian.”

He was still pressing the glass to his forehead, but his eyes were open, moving frantically around the room and blinking away tears that gathered on his eyelashes. Kay grabbed Cassian’s free hand, which was balled up around the covers by his leg, and pressed it against his chest. Kay’s own heartbeat was fast, but steady.

“Breathe,” he commanded. “Breathe, breathe, breathe,” with every heartbeat.

Cassian’s breathing slowed down, and so did Kay’s heart rate. Kay looked around the room a bit wildly, and spotted a half-empty waterbottle on the windowsill. Without releasing Cassian’s hand, he reached over, grabbed it, unscrewed the cap with one hand, and poured the contents into Cassian’s glass.

Silently, Cassian drank. No doubt the panic attack hadn’t helped with the nausea.

Kay could hear the water in the kettle start to boil. He remained quiet, the beating of his heart rhythmic against Cassian’s palm.

Withdrawing his hand, Cassian leaned forward and, pressing the empty glass against his sternum, dropped his head into Kay’s lap.

“What did you tell them about me, Kay? No doubt you probably regaled them with my war heroics, with what a decorated captain I was before we got discharged for our injuries.” Cassian’s head was turned away, staring at the door, not up at Kay. “Now look at me, Kay. I don’t deserve any of that.”

“Cassian,” said Kay, unperturbed. “There were 89 different options that I could have acted on that would have ensured my survival and maintained the intactness of my right arm and hip. However, in all 89 of those options, you would have been killed. So I didn’t take any of them. Cassian, this was my choice. You can shake your head forever at me, but I’ll never stop telling you this.

“And no, actually, I just told them about your financial and crisis reporting degree.”

Cassian made a choked noise that was hard to interpret.

“It’ll be fine, Cassian. If the army pension won’t be enough for the rent next year, we’ll have a supplement. Pocket money for personal expenses, too. You should come over there sometime, for the lunch.” He felt Cassian tense slightly. “The family’s nice, only four people, and they’re the only ones in the restaurant during the break.”

The kettle was boiling full-force now. “Here,” said Kay, carefully lifting Cassian’s head off his lap and repositioning it in the same place atop a pillow. He raised the blinds on the window, releasing a cloud of dust and flooding the room with sunlight. Cassian made a noise and burrowed underneath the pillow.

“Sorry about that,” said Kay, clicking the locks. He cracked open the window a sliver, then lowered back the blinds.

“I’ll go make tea, alright? Yell if you want something.” Kay reclaimed the cup from Cassian. As he was walking out the door, he turned to the sound of shuffling blankets.

“Thank you, Kay,” whispered Cassian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't mentioned this before, but you _can_ find me on tumblr [@kataclysmimicking](http://kataclysmimicking.tumblr.com/). I tag everything for this fanfiction under the tag **CaBRRaE** (inclusive of my updates on it, the sketches I do for it, and trivia I sometimes post about it), and track its tag and the tag **@kataclysmimicking**. Tag me if you ever make things for it! It would be incredible!


	4. the city in the clouds

Chapter Four

Kay started work on Monday. Which was all well and good, except that he had no idea what to do with Cassian while he was out.

Not that he was worried or anything, but Saturday had shaken him more than he cared to admit.

So he sat, eating his fried egg, researching trade history, and sipping his coffee in silence Monday afternoon, opposite Cassian at the kitchen table.

"I'll be fine," Cassian said.

"It's not that –" Kay started, but Cassian cut him off.

"Yes it is. It's exactly that. I'm an adult, Kay. I'm 26 years old. I served for three years in the army. I can take care of myself."

"No," Kay sighed, "you're stealing all of the bandwidth." Kay got up, looking over Cassian's shoulder at his computer monitor. "You have 38 tabs open!" he protested.

"How else do you expect me to look at 12 scholarly articles and 14 book passages at once?" Cassian retorted. "I need to get my work done."

"Yes well, so do I, and I need to finish it before I need to leave for my shift," Kay said.

"When does it end?" Cassian asked, desperately trying to maintain an air of nonchalance.

"Ten. I'll be home by 11 at the latest," said Kay. "Why don't you come with me? For the lunch? Chirrut invited you."

Cassian paused with his tea mug halfway to his lips. "Who's Chirrut?"

"One of the shop owners and head chefs."

Cassian resignedly took a sip of his tea. Kay could tell he was losing interest.

"He manages the restaurant with his husband, Baze," Kay said desperately.

Cassian looked up, then sighed. "What's in it for me?"

"Good food."

Cassian couldn't argue with that. Their diet was lacking variety, and both were more thin than muscular now, army training wearing off in the face of low pay and health.

"And how are we getting there?" Cassian asked.

Jyn had said bike, Kay had a scooter. It should work. He didn't have a reflective vest, exactly, but his black leather jacket, a gift from Cassian, was hand-embossed with fluorescent paint that glowed blue in the dark. Amidst the solid lines along the jacket, the back read "CYBORG." Kay quite liked the jacket.

"My Vespa," Kay responded, to which Cassian immediately said, "Nope."

"Why not? I have two helmets," Kay whined.

"I am not going to publicly embarrass myself by riding that thing with you," Cassian said, taking another sip of his tea.

"Unless you let me drive," he amended.

"Absolutely not," said Kay. "Your motorcycle license expired last year. I am not risking a ticket on the way to my first job, and especially through no fault of mine. I'll let you drive it, but first you have to go to the DMV to renew your license."

Cassian groaned, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Not the DMV." Then he suddenly looked up with a smirk.

"I'll come with you to the lunch on one condition. You go to the DMV with me to renew my license."

Kay could feel himself age thirty years as he considered the condemnation of his fate, but he held Cassian's gaze. The next word took all of his willpower to utter.

"Alright."

*

Kay pulled up outside the restaurant twenty minutes to four, let Cassian off, and wedged the Vespa between two parked cars by the entrance. Cassian flipped up the sun visor to get a better look at the awning.

"Chirrut and Baze's Rad Restaurant and Eatery?" he asked, then shrugged. "Their food is amazing enough to excuse that name."

He fidgeted for a second with the helmet, then muttered, "Damn, I forgot you had to click that shut to slide it off."

They let a group of three pass out of the door before walking in. Jyn was sitting on the back of a chair, toes on the ground and menus under her arm, when they walked in, both still in their helmets. The restaurant was empty except for them.

"Hey," she grinned, "you brought your roommate." Kay shrugged off his helmet to greet her.

"I can share with Cassian, if you didn't prepare –"

"Don't worry," Jyn said, waving him off. "Chirrut said you'd bring him, so he cooked enough for both of you. Have anything against scallions in crêpes?"

Bodhi appeared from the kitchen, carrying a stack of napkins. Cassian finally managed to get the sun visor to click, and slipped the helmet off in a fluid motion that let his hair settle on his shoulders in a fluffy halo.

With a small noise, Bodhi dropped the napkins.

Jyn turned away from them, hiding a laugh without much success. Cassian, still engrossed in the helmet, failed to notice them both, and Bodhi hurriedly swept the napkins behind the counter and vanished underneath it himself.

"Scallions in crêpes? Sounds something more sophisticated than what either of us could make. I'm all for it," said Cassian, and something fell behind the counter. Jyn was struggling to contain her laughter.

"Hello, Kay's handsome roommate," Chirrut called cheerily from the kitchen. Cassian looked up, startled.

"How can you tell? You can't even see him," Baze grumbled.

"Ha, he's jealous!" Chirrut addressed the occupants of the main room. "Serves him right, too, making you food for Kay to take home to you."

Cassian shot Kay a look. Kay shrugged.

"And I can tell he's attractive because Bodhi dropped the napkins."

Bodhi popped up from behind the counter, slightly flushed and feigning ignorance. "Sorry, what?" he asked breathlessly, dropping the stack of napkins onto the counter. He had an excellent poker face.

"Kay, could you give me a hand?" asked Jyn by the tables, meaning to move three tables together instead of two.

"Sure," said Kay slyly, and with a pneumatic hiss, detached his right arm and held it out to Jyn.

Jyn shrieked.

Baze came running.

Cassian broke into a fit of laughter.

Reattaching his arm, Kay grabbed the other end of the table and helped Jyn, who was still red with embarrassment and laughter, move it to the the middle one. Cassian and Bodhi took the first one, and helped move the three together.

“Young people,” Baze grumbled, going back into the kitchen.

"You guys can sit. I'll bring the food out in a minute," Jyn said, as Bodhi went to flip the sign to Closed.

Kay stepped aside to let Cassian take the seat at the edge with his back to the wall.

"You'll feel calmer," he said, and Cassian nodded, slipping into the seat. Kay took the seat across from him.

Bodhi returned with a small drinks menu. "Want anything?" He offered Cassian the menu."Whatever you do, don't order the sparkling water. Please." he whispered.

“I won’t,” Cassian promised. “I’m not particularly fond of it.”

Turning to Kay, Bodhi asked, "what's your view on sparkling water?"

"Neutral," Kay replied truthfully.

"Jyn has a theory that anyone attracted to girls likes sparkling water."

"But I'm gay," Cassian deadpanned, and Kay stifled a snort.

“Well, that only proves her right,” said Bodhi, though he didn’t sound the least bit disappointed.

“Do you have tea?” Cassian asked by means of segway, ignoring the menu and keeping his eyes on Bodhi.

“Sure. Black tea, milk or no milk, hot or iced.”

“Hot, and with milk, please. No sugar,” said Cassian. Bodhi took back the menu and turned to Kay.

“Water’s fine,” he said. Bodhi vanished into the kitchen.

 _Enjoying yourself?_ Kay tapped out quietly on the tabletop in morse.

 _Shut up_ , came the soft answer.

Bodhi reappeared with a drink tray and a small box. After setting out the drinks, he headed to Kay’s side. He opened the box.

“Here’s the coin purse, in case they pay in cash and want change,” explained Bodhi, handing Kay a small cloth pouch. “And here’s the attachable credit card reader for your phone. If you let me, I can install the app and set up the restaurant’s transactions.”

Kay handed over his phone without protest, and put the coin purse into a jacket pocket.

“Could I–” motioned Bodhi, gesturing to the middle seat against the wall. Cassian got up, moving his motorcycle helmet aside, and let Bodhi through. Settling in, Bodhi got to work on Kay’s phone.

Jyn came in with four large plates heaped with scallion crêpes, which Bodhi helped her set. Tucking herself into the seat next to Kay, she took a sip of her pear-flavored sparkling water and wiggled her eyebrows.

“Pleasure to have you in our fine establishment,” announced Chirrut as he entered the main room, followed by Baze, who was carrying two bowls of duck soup. Sitting down, he said:

“I must extend my apologies to you as well, on behalf of invading your privacy on Saturday.”

Cassian looked up warily from his crêpes.

“Baze and I grew up in a monastery,” began Chirrut. “I was there because of these,” he gestured to his eyes, laying down his spoon, “and Baze was there because he was left orphaned when the war broke out. Baze was once incredibly devoted.

“But, the war was still raging, and Baze enlisted as soon as he was eligible. I could not, because of my eyes, and I stayed in the monastery for five years after, waiting for Baze to come back. He did not.

“He served for ten years on the front, and was finally discharged for his honorable service. Neither of us came back to the monastery after we went our separate ways. Our meeting five years ago was the first time we’d seen each other in over three decades.”

The table sat with bated breath.

“Do not be afraid to go your way,” said Chirrut, picking up his spoon again. “It does not make you selfish. It shows that you are strong enough to choose your own path.”

Kay cleared his throat unnecessarily.

“Was your financial crisis reporting degree fruitful, Cassian?” asked Baze.

Cassian started. So Kay hadn’t been lying when he’d said he’d mentioned his journalism degree.

“I got a job in the first year after graduation,” Cassian said, finishing his crêpe. “At Reuters. It was a good job that had started with an internship while I was still an undergrad. The workload was harsh, but it was familiar. I worked there for almost a year. Before I got an offer…” Cassian swallowed some tea. “I got an offer to go abroad. Work in their London office. I said that I couldn’t do it. So I resigned. Decided to pursue an MBA.”

“That’s good experience,” said Chirrut, without disappointment or judgement in his voice. “Excellent resume material.”

They ate some more in relaxed silence.

Bodhi handed Kay’s phone and the card reader back to Kay. “If you’re finished, I can clear the plates and we can go up. I managed to find some antique blueprints on the original designs for your arm,” Bodhi began. “If you’re up for it, of course.”

“Sure, you two can go up,” Chirrut confirmed. “I’ll call Kay down when we get a call. Jyn can cover for you, Bodhi. It’s quieter now.”

Kay glanced at Cassian, who was looking at Kay with surprise. Hand underneath the table, Kay tapped on Cassian’s knee: _Alright?_

Cassian nodded almost imperceptibly, then looked down into his mug of tea.

“Sure,” said Kay lightly.

Bodhi brushed Cassian’s arm. Catching the message, Cassian scooted into the seat as far as possible, letting Bodhi climb over him. Jyn took a large sip of her fizzy drink.

Bodhi collected the plates and brought them to the kitchen, then reappeared in the doorway, and beckoned Kay to follow him through the door and up the stairs to the apartment on the second floor.

“You can move over, if you’d like,” said Jyn, as Chirrut and Baze got up and carried their plates away into the kitchen. She’d been unusually silent over lunch.

Cassian shifted one table down into the seat vacated by Bodhi, sitting face to face with Jyn.

“My father, well, my adoptive father, Baze, used to be a mechanic. I think he was a major catalyst in Bodhi’s interest in engineering and his pursuit of it in college,” Jyn said by means of explanation. “He encouraged Bodhi to follow his interests, and put no pressure on him to follow in Chirrut’s footsteps and manage the restaurant.”

“What about you?” Cassian asked.

“I wasn’t really sure about what I wanted to do with myself. Still can’t say I am,” said Jyn. “I went to culinary school for three years, got my degree. I’m here now, and mostly responsible for the restaurant as Bodhi studies at the university. I like it. I think.”

Cassian sat, unsure of what to say.

“How are you getting home?” Jyn asked. “I saw you took Kay’s scooter.”

Shit. Cassian hadn’t thought about that.

“Bodhi can drive you home. Baze will let him take the car.”

What had cost both Cassian and Kay so dearly in the army had been a car bomb.

“I can take the train,” Cassian stammered out, feeling panic rise up in him. “I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“It’s alright,” said Jyn, oblivious. “It really is a slow day. I’ll go let Baze know.” With that, she collected their empty cups and disappeared into the kitchen.

Cassian tried to calm down. It would be fine. It would be fine. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

“You can go upstairs if you like,” said Jyn, poking her head back into the main room. For lack of anything better to do, Cassian collected his things and mounted the stairs to the second floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always greatly appreciated!


	5. the land of the sandpeople

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning in this chapter for brief descriptions of minor character death, blood, and loss of a limb within a flashback. 
> 
> A small note on the chapter formatting: in the first half of the work, each of the three titular characters gets four chapters from their POV. Kay has the first four chapters, Cassian has chapters five through eight, and Bodhi has chapters nine through twelve. After chapter twelve, the pattern breaks. More on that at chapter thirteen.
> 
> I've also begun compiling a playlist on Spotify, [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/2257e4oktgjjgy6xws6qdsmoq/playlist/2NDc0PZoLAoPxQFAmVYKAl), featuring all songs mentioned in this work. It is in chronological order, and hence the Jean-Michel Jarre song mentioned in this chapter is first.

Chapter Five

The first flight of stairs led up to a small sitting room and kitchen on the second floor. As Cassian looked around, trying to find telltale signs of life and of Bodhi, a muffled voice called, “Third floor!”

Mounting the second flight of stairs, Cassian found himself in another similar sitting room, except with two couches instead of several armchairs and a coffee table.

“First door on your left, down the hall,” Bodhi’s voice beckoned, and Cassian followed it.

He stopped dead in his tracks in the doorway.

The room was obviously Bodhi’s bedroom – the bed shoved into the right corner said that much – but the room had been converted almost effortlessly into a laboratory by its occupant. The lights were switched off, and Kay was sitting on a stool by the table, his fluorescent ‘CYBORG’ jacket giving him away.

Next to him, wearing bizarre high-magnifying lenses, like those of a jewelry broker, and shining a blacklight on Kay’s bionic arm, sat Bodhi. Behind him on the worktable was a computer monitor, with a 3D modeling program and the base sketches of Kay’s prosthetic were open side by side. There was a sketchbook and several blueprints on the table underneath Bodhi’s elbow.

Against the wall stood a rack with screens of negatives hanging from them; fluorescent blueprints, cross-sections, and sketches.

“You can come in,” said Bodhi, flipping up the magnifying lenses.

Cassian stepped hesitantly inside.

“I’m examining the inner mechanisms of Kay’s arm, preferably without taking it apart. I had been thinking about presenting a prosthesis model, but I was working off of and basing my upgrades on old blueprints, and this technology,” he gestured at Kay’s arm, “is far more refined, in some parts moreso than what I’d wanted to pitch. But now I have something to work off of.”

Cassian wandered over to the screens, examining them with interest.

“Kay told me about his jacket. That you’d hand-stenciled and painted the patterns,” said Bodhi without looking up. “It’s beautiful,” he said quietly.

Cassian looked up. Bodhi was hunched over the arm, taking notes with his left hand while holding the blacklight with his right. He was still wearing his apron and hairnet. The magnifying lenses were blocky, and the blue light from the computer screen illuminated his face.

“Thank you,” replied Cassian. He’d done it three years ago, for Kay’s 23rd birthday. It had been a long time ago.

As Bodhi worked, Cassian took a closer look at the negatives. Each one was labelled at the corner, ‘Bodhi Rook.’

Cassian turned back to look at Bodhi, who was now inputting things into the 3D modelling program on his computer, the lenses flipped up. Kay was spinning idly on the stool.

“You’re Bodhi Rook?!” Cassian asked, incredulous.

Bodhi looked away from the monitor. “Hmm?”

“You’re Bodhi Rook, the biomedical engineer who pioneered the pilot program for organ prostheses?”

Bodhi grinned shyly, looking down at his keyboard. “Yeah, that’s me,” he acknowledged. “It’s my master’s project.” He looked up at Cassian again and smiled. His teeth shone in the blacklight.

“I’m looking into lungs specifically, but the project encompasses all organs,” he explained. “For Baze. One of his lungs was punctured severely during his time in the army, and had to be removed. He was the one that persuaded me to pursue this, and I’d like to repay him, somehow.”

Cassian nodded, unsure of what to say.

“The human body is a marvel,” Bodhi continued. “I’ve been trying to explore the interactions between cells and bionic parts, mainly using stem cells meant to act as neurons and attaching them to the prosthetics.”

Bodhi’s eyes shone, even in the dark of the room. He was incredibly passionate, that much was obvious. Cassian was incredibly glad that Baze had managed to convince Bodhi to follow his dream. Bodhi was a definite catalyst for progress and innovation.

“Kaaaaaaay!” The yell travelled upwards, cumulating with Jyn appearing in the bedroom doorway. “First call.”

She handed a post-it with the address to Kay as Bodhi relinquished his arm.

“Chirrut has almost finished the food. You can come downstairs.”

Kay looked at the address, then tucked it into his back pocket. “How will you get home?” he asked Cassian.

“I can drive you,” Bodhi offered, before Jyn even opened her mouth.

So Cassian’s fate was sealed.

Kay looked at Cassian.

“I’ll be fine,” Cassian said. He did not feel fine.

 _Call me_ , Kay mouthed, and ducked out of the room, followed by Jyn. He and Bodhi were alone.

“Let me finish this notecard, and then we can go, if you’d like,” said Bodhi, looking up from his computer.

“That’s alright,” said Cassian, trying to regulate his breathing.

Bodhi finished typing the command and quit the session.

“Want to leave now?” Bodhi asked, getting up and walking to stand by Cassian’s side.

“Sure,” Cassian managed. “Wouldn’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Bodhi chided, untying his apron and tugging it over his head. “You’re good company.”

Cassian pretended not to be distracted by Bodhi’s close-fitting turtleneck.

“You can come over again, if you’d like. For the lunch,” Bodhi said, releasing his hair from the hairnet. His hair was braided in a careful French braid, the tail falling just below his shoulder blades. “Come once a week if you’d like. Let us know when you’re coming. It’ll work out, with Kay working here.”

Cassian nodded, finding it hard to focus.

Bodhi wasn’t oblivious – he could pick up on Cassian’s tension.

“We can go out the main entrance, since the restaurant is back open now and there are bound to be people,” he suggested.

“Sounds good,” said Cassian, moderately relieved. He followed Bodhi out of the room and down the first staircase, then through a door and down another, different staircase to the building’s vestibule. Passing through the door, they found themselves on the curb at the side of the restaurant.

“You can wait here,” Bodhi said. “I’ll pop in to grab my jacket and the keys.”

Cassian huddled by the door, attempting to regulate his heart rate. Bodhi was fast – barely a minute had elapsed before he reappeared by Cassian’s side in an ENGLISTAN varsity jacket, jangling the car keys.

“It’s right here,” he gestured to the ancient Saab parked right outside the restaurant. Kay’s scooter was gone.

“Baze kept it in shape,” Bodhi said to no one in particular as he manually unlocked the driver’s side door, got in, reached over, and unlocked the passengers’ side. “Climb in,” he said, starting the car.

Cassian walked around the front of the car and got in. Bodhi was fiddling with the heat. _Breathe, breathe, breathe_ , he told himself as he snapped the seatbelt on and settled his motorcycle helmet between his feet.

“Where to?” Bodhi asked, flipping on the turn signal and checking the rearview mirror.

“West 23rd and 10th,” said Cassian. “It’s in Midtown.” Bodhi cruised out of the parking spot, shifting gears.

“That’s a manual?!” Cassian gawked, another wave of panic flooding over him.

“Yup! Don’t worry, I know how to drive one,” Bodhi assured jovially. “Music?”

“Sure,” said Cassian, but he wasn’t really there anymore.

  
  


He was 21 years old, his hair short but his mind sharp, standing at attention with three of his best men from his regiment behind him. Kay was the fourth, and they were waiting for their car escort to take them to another base, across the plateau. The two sleek black sedans, Mercedes, with shift-sticks and leather seats, pulled up by their tent.

Kay was unusually quiet.

Walking up to Cassian, with a brief salute, he put his hand on Cassian’s shoulder.

“Sit in the back, right side,” Kay said quietly. He removed his hand.

Cassian looked down. The medal denoting him captain was gone.

“Captain Andor,” said the suave man in military fatigues and aviator sunglasses, addressing Kay. “Please, settle in.” He held the left passenger door open for Kay, who seated himself elegantly. The driver’s seat had been on the right.

“Move out,” said the second driver, and Cassian and his three men hurried to the car. No one held the door for them. Cassian sat, trepidation setting in, on the right side, in the back, by the window.

His team was silent. Cassian trusted Kay. And his squadron trusted him.

After two hours of driving rather fast through dusty plateau, some of the initial worry had started to shake off. Cassian couldn’t concentrate if his nerves were frayed and he was on edge.

He’d been about to tap a message on the knee of one of his men, warning them to be wary, when their driver had suddenly accelerated, pulling up nose to nose with the first car.

And that’s when the bomb had gone off.

Kay’s car had flipped, while Cassian’s was blown off the road.

Cassian’s ears were ringing.

Half of his car was charred away, and he was lying on the remnants of the right passenger door. Something was wrong with his leg. He had several pieces of shrapnel in his left shoulder.

“Kay.”

He’d struggled up, looking around. Two members of his squadron were dead, who’d been sitting in the leftmost seats. The ones most severely hit by the explosion. The third member was lying a little ways off, a large piece of shrapnel wedged in his chest. He was dead before Cassian managed to reach him.

“Kay.”

Cassian hobbled to the wreckage of the first car, several hundred yards away. Both of the drivers were dead. The road was empty in both directions as far as the eye could see. It was at least 150 miles back to their camp.

“Kay.”

Kay had survived the explosion, and had managed to pull himself out of the burning car. Except, the lower half of his right arm was gone and he was bleeding freely, and there was a large web of shrapnel buried in his right hip.

“Por favor no me dejes solo,” Cassian had shrieked, falling to his knees by Kay’s side. “Kay. Kay! KAY!”

“No lo soñarίa,” Kay replied quietly. He was still conscious. “Tourniquet,” Kay had managed, and Cassian’s fingers hadn’t shaken back then as he’d tied the tourniquet that had saved Kay’s life, even though he’d felt like he was the one bleeding out in the dust.

He’d slung Kay onto his back, minding the hip and the arm, and started walking. Back down the road, the way they’d come.

“Leave me,” Kay had said dozens of times along the journey. “I won’t make it anyway.”

Cassian had kept walking.

He’d walked for close to six hours before they met a convoy and were loaded in. He’d been on the brink of collapse, and had worsened the fracture in his leg from his collision with the passenger door. The convoy had turned back and rumbled to the encampment, for medical help.

“Kay.”

_Kay, Kay, Kay._

  
  


Cassian was back in the present, in Bodhi’s car, his fingers tapping against the armrest.

-.-.--.-- -.-.--.-- -.-.--.--

_Kay, Kay, Kay._

Something psychedelic by Jean-Michel Jarre was playing quietly on the stereo. Cassian took a deep breath, then noticed Bodhi’s own tapping against the steering wheel, in time to Cassian’s own beginning of K.

\--- --- ---

O.

O-Kay.

A question. A reassurance.

Cassian glanced at Bodhi. Bodhi’s eyes were on the road as they maneuvered through the Lower West Side. Bodhi looked over at Cassian when he noticed him staring.

“Alright?” he asked.

Cassian nodded, looking directly ahead. “You know morse code?”

Bodhi nodded. “Picked it up in my computer science minor during my bachelor’s.” He turned onto W23rd. “Which house?”

“217,” said Cassian, and Bodhi pulled up. Cassian took a deep breath.

“Thank– Thank you for having me.”

“Our pleasure,” Bodhi responded, turning to look at Cassian. “Come over whenever. We’re open on weekends, too.”

“Thank you. I’ll come around,” Cassian assured, opening the door and picking up his helmet.

Bodhi smiled a reserved smile. “I’ll be waiting.”

Cassian shut the door and watched the tail-lights fade away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Outright, I am not a native Spanish speaker. I was unable to consult with anyone I knew on the grammatical correctness of the two phrases, so I am open to all comments on how to better the wording. I cross-referenced two dictionaries for the translation, but as someone who speaks three languages, I understand that defining dictionaries as unreliable would be putting it mildly. So suggestions and comments are greatly appreciated!


	6. star-dust

Chapter Six

Windy October had bled into a bitter November. Kay had taken to wearing the scratchy wool scarf that Cassian had knit – actually knit – for Kay a year prior, when he’d pulled an all-nighter after finishing a six-pack by himself. It was a horrendous shade of green – apparently a drunk Cassian made poor fashion choices – but Kay wore it over his jacket anyway.

Cassian was pretty sure that the leftover ball of yarn was still lying around somewhere in the apartment.

He wouldn’t say that he was avoiding going back to the restaurant, but he _was_ avoiding it. He reasoned it out by convincing himself that he would be pushing their hospitality, and that was something he definitely did not want to do.

There was, of course, also the matter of his severe dissociation in the car. Terrible enough to go through, even worse to explain.

And maybe not wanting to seem like a failure in Bodhi’s eyes had something to do with it too.

So he counted himself lucky when, in early November, it was Jyn who he ran into rather than Bodhi.

It was cold, and he was huddled in his blue parka by a side entrance to the university’s library, waiting for Kay, when Jyn had turned the corner and he’d appeared in her line of sight.

“Hey, Cassian!” she said brightly. “Could you help me find someone?”

Cassian frowned at her. Despite the cold, she was wearing a faux leather jacket that she kept unzipped over a thin cotton plaid button-down. And about 30 infinity scarves.

She raised an eyebrow at his parka in return.

“Depends on who you’re looking for. I might not be able to help if I don’t know them,” replied Cassian. “You don’t exactly go here, do you?”

Jyn laughed. “No, no. My days of college are over. Guess I still blend in pretty well, don’t I? Campus security didn’t try to stop me.”

Jyn was right about that. She was definitely one of the younger people on campus, but by far not the youngest. There was nothing that gave away that she was out of place. “Who are you looking for?”

Jyn fidgeted, toeing the dirt with a boot. “Leia Organa.”

Cassian blinked. “You mean, _Leia Organa_ , the daughter of the Portuguese diplomat?”

Jyn let out a breathy laugh. “Yes, I suppose. The one and only.” She did not elaborate further.

“Well,” Cassian began, shifting from one foot to another. “I don’t know her that well, but today is Wednesday, so she’ll be at the International Relations and Conflict Resolution board meeting.”

Jyn bit her lip and frowned.

“You can try tomorrow. I believe that the global connections class she’s taking ends at one. South building.”

Jyn nodded, putting her hands into her jacket pockets. “Guess you’ll see me here tomorrow, then.” She smiled up at him.

“Sure,” said Cassian, shrugging. “Just don’t get caught. Can I ask why you’re looking for her?”

Jyn stopped toeing the dirt and grinned cheekily up at him. “That’s classified.”

Cassian rolled his eyes.

She looked thoughtfully up at him. “I’ll tell you if _you_ tell _me_ why you’ve been avoiding Bodhi.”

“Shut up,” Cassian muttered, turning away and burrowing into his parka.

“Come on,” Jyn whined, actually walking around him to get back into his line of sight. “I’m his sister! I can be your best wingman. It’s critical that I be on your side!”

Cassian’s ears reddening was definitely because of the cold. Definitely.

“Go away, hermanita.”

“You don’t get to pull that!” Jyn said indignantly. “What’s bothering you?”

Cassian considered. He didn’t really know Jyn, but Kay had been working at the restaurant for nearly a month. And he was severely sleep deprived, which was as close to being inebriated as he’d gotten the past month.

“I’m just–” Cassian began, as Jyn huddled closer, either for warmth or to hear him better, “not an overly terrific person. I turned down a pretty rare job offer because I couldn’t handle it, I’m currently unemployed, I don’t integrate myself into society, and leech off of my best friend.”

“No one’s asking you to be perfect, Cassian,” said Jyn.

The side door opened, and they both jumped.

“You can both stop pretending I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Kay in lieu of greeting. He was wearing the goddamn scarf.

Together, the three of them set off across the campus.

“You don’t know me,” said Cassian to Jyn. It came out harsher than he’d intended. “Not really.”

“And I’m not going to pretend that I do,” Jyn replied, walking briskly to keep up with Kay’s long strides. “Don’t focus too much on the hypothetical. So far, you haven’t botched anything up, and I doubt you will, even though _you_ think you will. You look like you could use a reason to go out. Hopefully, we’ll do. Hopefully we’re not total strangers and it’ll be at least a little easier with us.”

They walked in silence for a while.

“I’ll try,” Cassian said finally. Jyn grinned.

“Come on Fridays.” She took a takeout menu out of her back pocket, took out a pen, and circled something on the menu. “Phone number,” she said. Then she scribbled something else.

_Bodhi’s extension_ , read Jyn’s scribbled writing, along with some numbers. Cassian pocketed the menu.

This time, the silence was comfortable.

  
  


As customary, both Kay and Cassian wished the security guard at the edge of campus a nice day.

“I don’t remember seeing you too much around here,” the guard said, addressing Jyn, who was standing nonchalantly by Kay’s side.

She turned to face him and smiled sweetly. “It must be the hair. I dyed it recently. You think that might be it?”

The guard took half a moment to consider, maybe less. “That’s right! You’re the blonde! I think her name was–” He paused, snapping his fingers to recollect. “Liana!”

Jyn nodded her confirmation. “Yup, that’s me! Who knows though, maybe I’ll dye it back. So don’t be surprised!” She bid the guard farewell.

Once they were out of sight and earshot, Jyn glanced back, then shrugged. Both Cassian and Kay were shocked into silence.

“I stayed in eleven foster homes before Baze. I know my way around. People see what they want to see.”

They reached the corner of the block. Jyn turned to face them.

“I’ll see you,” she said, turning to Kay, “in four hours. And you,” she turned to Cassian, “on Friday. We’ll be expecting you.”

She turned to go.

“Wait!” Cassian called after her. “You still haven’t told me why you wanted to find Leia.”

Jyn turned back, then winked.

“I’ll tell you on Friday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original scheme for posting chapters got kind of screwed over while I figured out formatting for the first chapter, which is why only two chapters were posted on the first of June and four were posted today. Originally, the first five were supposed to be posted June 1st, and followed by a steady, chapter-a-day posting schedule. After catching up with the chapter quota today, the posting schedule will resume to be one chapter a day, for the next twenty-four days. 
> 
> As always, comments are greatly appreciated.


	7. lapti nek

Chapter Seven

True to his word, Kay had actually gone with Cassian to the DMV within a week of Cassian’s first visit to Chirrut and Baze’s. After some waiting, shuffling of papers and feet, and hushed whispers of “war veteran” and “decorated captain,” he got his license renewed with much less formalities than were normally necessary.

So on Friday, Kay resignedly agreed to let Cassian drive the scooter to the restaurant.

“How are you getting back?” Kay asked pointedly, as he shrugged on his jacket and tied the goddamn scarf around his neck.

“Subway,” Cassian replied stoutly, holding up a metrocard. “And I’m insisting.”

Kay nodded, and they headed out.

*

Cassian pulled up outside the restaurant, and Kay lithely hopped off. Backing in and parking the Vespa – there was now much more space between the two cars in front of the restaurant – he unfolded the kickstand and got off.

The Closed sign was already up on the door, and Cassian followed Kay in.

Jyn and Bodhi were setting up the tables – three, not two.

Jyn waved as they walked in. “I’m glad you finally came around again.”

She waved the two of them towards the tables.

“Sit down; I’ll bring the food right out.” She waved Bodhi back down too. “I’ll manage.”

Cassian slid awkwardly into his seat next to Bodhi, and placed his helmet on the bench beside him. Kay walked off into the doorway, unwrapping his scarf, to hang up his coat. Cassian stared at his hands.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, addressing his hands.

Bodhi turned to look at him. He’d taken his hair out of his hairnet, and it was gathered neatly in a series of ponytails that cumulated into one that was tied at the base of his neck. Cassian’s own hair was unkempt from the helmet, and curled around his chin.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” said Bodhi, still looking at him.

Cassian reluctantly looked up and met his eyes. “I'm sorry for what happened in the car, for not calling or coming around earlier. You were waiting. I was just–” Cassian tried to find the right words. “Guess I’m still bothered by what happened back in the war, and once a while it comes around and lets itself be known. But I was also incredibly rude.”

Bodhi shook his head. “You don’t have to tell me anything. It’s your personal life, and I don’t want you to feel like you need to justify yourself somehow. And we still don’t know each other very well. It’s fine.” Bodhi looked at Cassian’s hands, which were fidgeting on the surface of the table. “I’m glad you’re here now, though,” he added with a smile.

Cassian stopped fidgeting quite so intently. Kay walked back in, and seated himself across from Cassian.

“When do you plan to leave?” Bodhi asked.

“As soon as you open back up,” said Cassian. “I wouldn’t want to be a hassle or get in the way.”

Bodhi looked like he wanted to say something to convince Cassian otherwise, but didn’t. “How will you be getting back?” he asked instead.

“Subway,” Cassian replied. “It’s nothing against you or your car, just…”

Bodhi nodded quickly. “You don’t have to explain.” After a brief pause, he asked, “Do you know where it is?”

“Sure,” said Cassian, coming to the realization that he really did not. Bodhi seemed to pick up on that.

“Yeah? And where is it?”

Cassian considered. Then shook his head. “Haven’t the faintest idea,” he admitted.

Bodhi laughed. Cassian wasn’t sure he’d heard him laugh before. It was a nice sound. “It’s 10 blocks away; the Q line. I can walk you there, if you want.”

“If that won’t be too much of a problem.”

“Oh no, it’s fine,” Bodhi assured. “Jyn can manage for an extra 20 minutes. I work Friday evenings – she has them off – but 20 minutes will be alright.”

Jyn reappeared with four plates of stir-fried bok choy with tofu and white rice, setting them down. “Drinks?” she asked.

“Water.”

“Tea with milk.”

Jyn vanished back into the kitchen.

It was warm in the restaurant; Cassian shrugged off his vest and folded it by his helmet, then watched how Bodhi’s silky hair draped over his shoulder in its ponytail. Kay coughed.

Jyn came back in carrying the drink tray. Apparently her affinity for the iced, pear-flavored sparkling water did not change in the winter months.

After setting out the drinks, she tucked away the tray and sat down with them, across from Bodhi.

“So,” said Cassian, undeterred. “Why were you looking for Leia?”

Bodhi raised his eyebrows.

“Well,” Jyn began, “a friend of mine, Chewie, referred me.” She cleared her throat. “It was a sort of blind date set-up.”

If possible, Bodhi’s eyebrows climbed even higher. Cassian’s mouth dropped open. Kay leveled Jyn with a look.

“Part of a dare, sort of. He told me to mention that I was sent by him. I think she needed an excuse to get out of a date with someone named Han. So she needs an alibi and somewhere to be.” Jyn took a sip of her drink. “Anyway, it worked. The date is on Tuesday. Bodhi’s agreed to cover.”

“Did not!” Bodhi sputtered as Cassian attempted to formulate words.

“Not bad!” said Chirrut, and Jyn nearly upended her drink out of surprise.

“Tell me more about this,” said Baze, appearing beside Chirrut.

Jyn pouted and refused to divulge any additional information.

“How’s your MBA, Cassian?” asked Chirrut.

“I’ve been getting more involved,” Cassian answered truthfully. “Committed myself more to the course.”

“Would you pursue a job in this field, if you wanted to?” was the follow-up from Chirrut.

Cassian thought about it. Based on Wednesday's lamentations to Jyn, his unemployment was one of the few things he could work on.

“I should,” he answered after some consideration.

Depending on how the rest of this year went. Depending on the state of his mental health. Depending on his continued interest in the subject. There were a lot of ifs.

“I think I’ll try.”

*

As Jyn and Baze cleared away the last of the plates, Cassian helped Bodhi wipe down the tables before shrugging on his down vest. Bodhi grabbed his varsity jacket from its hook in the doorway.

Cassian bid Chirrut, Baze, and Jyn farewell until next Friday, as Kay lounged around, waiting for his first call.

Jyn flipped the sign to Open behind them as Cassian and Bodhi left the restaurant.

Bodhi zipped his jacket up all the way. Their breath came out in white puffs. It was cold – the temperature had dropped considerably in the evening.

“You don’t have to leave as soon as we open back up,” Bodhi said into the silence, painting his words against the night sky.

“What could I do?” Cassian asked. “I feel like I’d be pressing your hospitality if I just hung around and bothered you.”

“You could always come upstairs and hang out there,” Bodhi said, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “If you ever need company, while Kay’s out doing runs. An alternative to your empty apartment. And it doesn’t have to just be Fridays.” Bodhi huffed out a breath that rose above them and dissipated. “I wouldn’t want to pry, or force you to do anything. But you could bring your coursework, I suppose. Settle in, maybe wait for Kay until he gets back and we close up.”

They paused at a corner, waiting for the light.

“Jyn has Fridays off, so she’ll usually be sleeping on a couch somewhere. But,” he shrugged, “everyone’s always around.”

A second home, with people he knew. Something unfamiliar, unbeknownst to him for almost 10 years. It was incredible – almost like a second chance. Cassian felt wholly undeserving.

“Thank– thank you,” he said, as they reached the subway entrance. “I don’t feel like I’ve done anything to deserve this. You’ve been incredibly kind, and given me so much. I have nothing to offer in return.”

Bodhi stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked towards the river. “Kay has a job with us, and he’s helping our business out tremendously. Seems like you’re a package deal.” He looked back at Cassian. “We all are, at one point or another.”

Cassian watched as Bodhi tried to find warmth and solace in his thin varsity jacket, and made a decision.

“Thank you, Bodhi. And thank you to Chirrut and Baze. And Jyn, too.” Cassian’s frozen fingers found his metrocard in his vest pocket, and he re-tucked his helmet more securely under his left arm. “Until Friday,” he said.

“I’ll see you soon, then,” Bodhi replied. “Get home safe.”

“You too.”

  
  


Cassian would look for that leftover yarn as soon as he got home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated!


	8. princess leia's theme

Chapter Eight

The following Friday, Cassian found himself with a messenger bag containing his textbooks and laptop slung over his shoulder, reluctantly letting Kay drive. They whistled through the streets – there was little traffic – with the wind cutting their necks above their collars and their wrists underneath their sleeves.

It had still to snow. Rain was in the forecast, and in the current weather, the first snow of the winter was highly likely in the evening.

As they pulled up outside the restaurant, Cassian tensed.

Something was wrong, out of the ordinary.

He hopped off to let Kay back the scooter in between the cars. Then he took a closer look.

The car in front of the restaurant was a black sedan.

Mercedes.

With tinted windows.

Cassian grabbed Kay’s arm in a leaden grip. “What the fuck is this doing here?” he hissed. Kay was glad that Cassian had grabbed his durasteel arm; otherwise, his grip would have left bruises.

“Government officials,” Kay whispered back, stilling. His left hand twitched automatically, reaching for the gun holster on his left thigh that was no longer there, hadn’t been for a long time.

Warily, without moving his head too much, Cassian looked around. A man was loitering by the boarded up tax returns office several houses down, smoking a cigarette. Cassian watched as the man blew out smoke.

All very convincing, but the cigarette was fake. The ash did not burn out, did not fall.

Cassian focused back on the car. It was large enough to have a third row of seats. So eight agents. Cassian started to feel his throat close up. Why here? What were they looking for? What did they need?

Then he saw the second car across the street.

“What the _fuck_ is going on?” Cassian hissed again, trying very hard to keep his voice down and his posture nonchalant.

At least sixteen agents.

He looked back at the restaurant, looked closer. The Closed sign was already up, but the curtains were drawn.

Cassian let go of Kay’s arm and backed up slowly, until they stood back to back. Cassian could feel eyes on him. There were at least three other agents in the immediate vicinity.

-.-..-.-....-...-.-..

 _Careful_ , Kay tapped against Cassian’s hip.

The restaurant door banged open, opening wide and loudly hitting the recoil.

Kay and Cassian turned sharply towards the sound. A man rounded the corner, running full-tilt with his right hand inside his suit.

“Cassian! Kay!” It was Bodhi, standing in the doorway, looking frustrated and disheveled.

The sprinting man slowed down and pulled a white handkerchief out from inside his suit, blowing his nose.

Cassian could physically feel the tension wash out of his body, leaving him feeling jittery, with his heart still hammering. He’d been so terrified that something had happened, that –

Bodhi motioned for them to follow him inside.

  
  


A man in a suit with a clear comm wire travelling up towards his ear appeared in the door. He let Bodhi pass, but stopped Cassian and Kay.

“IDs, please. Simply precautionary,” he said to Cassian and Kay.

Cassian’s hands had shaken, were still shaking, this time. He barely managed to pull his military identification out of his wallet, slapping it into the hand of the agent. “C-Captain Cassian fucking Andor, three years of service under General Devit Draven, wounded in action, honorable discharge,” he gritted out through his teeth to keep them from chattering. The man handed him his card back without a word.

“Lieutenant Kay Tuesso, honorary raise. Three years of service in Rogue Squadron under Captain Cassian Andor. Honorable discharge.” Kay flexed his prosthetic fingers. “Wounded in action.”

The man let them through.

If it wasn’t _Leia Organa_ sitting inside the restaurant, talking to Jyn.

Cassian took several deep breaths and looked away, at the wall. There was another agent sitting at a corner table, doing something on his phone.

Cassian rubbed his face with his hand. When he lowered it, he saw Bodhi lingering uncertainly in front of him.

“Sorry,” Cassian said to no one in particular. “The cars…”

“Mercedes-Benz, C300 sedan, four-wheel drive, tinted windows, mechanical box,” Bodhi rattled off, looking about as shaken as Cassian felt, though Cassian was sure he looked it, too.

“How did you–?”

Bodhi looked at the floor and frowned. “I did some research on the cars...it wasn’t an incident that got too much coverage – military operations, the like, but you were a pretty well-known captain, and the mission had been purely diplomatic...and there are archives…

“I asked Jyn to mention it to Leia. To ask her to request a different car, because I looked up standard government vehicles… I guess she forgot.”

Kay went to hang up his jacket. Jyn looked up, as if just noticing that they’d arrived. Leia turned around, looking directly at Cassian.

“My apologies, Cassian. We’ll be leaving now, anyway, so the cars will be gone. I tried to put in a request for a different safety vehicle, but there were no others available.” She pursed her lips.

Cassian was feeling that things had taken a turn from unsettling to bizarre.

Leia and Jyn got their coats, and with a wave from Jyn, left the restaurant, followed by a posse of secret servicemen.

“Good riddance,” said Bodhi, once the door clanged shut, going to open the curtains back up.

Cassian dropped his bag on the bench with a thud, and went to hang up his jacket. When he came back in, Bodhi was sitting at the table, and scooted over to let Cassian sit down next to him. Kay was sitting across from them, focused on curling and uncurling his fingers. A nervous habit.

Cassian looked at Bodhi. His hair was still in his hairnet, and was done in a beautiful braid circlet. He looked stressed, to put it mildly.

“I’m really sorry,” Bodhi began quickly. “I would have called to let you know – I have Kay’s number – but they made us turn off our mobiles and were monitoring our landline. I would have been thoroughly questioned and investigated if I’d only called to tell you that Leia was here. They’d have thought that I was planning an assassination.” He put his elbows up on the table and put his face in his hands.

Stressed on his – Cassian’s – behalf.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Kay, stilling his hand. “You had no control over the situation.”

“Where were they going?” Cassian asked. “Why was Leia even here?”

Bodhi shrugged. “Date, I suppose. Leia probably needed another excuse. Jyn told Leia to meet her here and wait for her until her break.” He sighed. “It’s my shift this evening, anyway.”

He looked at Cassian’s messenger bag. “I can show you upstairs after lunch, if you’d still like to stay. In spite of all of this.” Bodhi gestured vaguely.

“Of course I’ll stay,” Cassian reassured, and Bodhi relaxed visibly.

*

After bidding Kay farewell on his first run of the evening, Cassian followed Bodhi up the stairs. Bodhi walked ahead, leading the way to the third floor sitting room.

“You can settle in,” said Bodhi, biting his lip and gesturing vaguely at the couches.

Cassian toed off his shoes in front of the rug, walked over to the couch by the window, and carefully sat cross-legged on the couch, pulling his bag towards him.

“Today might be busy,” Bodhi said. Cassian looked up. He was still standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“It’s alright,” said Cassian, tucking his hair behind his ear. “Thank you for letting me stay around.”

Bodhi nodded, then hastily reached into his apron’s front pocket. “Sorry! Almost forgot.” He pulled out a notepad and pen, scribbling something down. “Wifi password.”

“Thanks.” Cassian took the small slip of paper from Bodhi. With a wave, Bodhi headed back down the stairs.

Cassian could hear the kitchen from here, and the muffled din from the restaurant. The atmosphere was welcoming. Friendly. Much more than that of the empty apartment where he and Kay lived, and where he would have been waiting now, had it not been for Bodhi.

Shuffling his various notes and leafing through the textbook, Cassian opened a new document in Word on his laptop.

  
  


He was so absorbed in his report that he didn’t hear Bodhi coming up the stairs, didn’t notice him until Bodhi cleared his throat.

Cassian looked up, startled, to see Bodhi leaning in the doorway and grinning.

“Is everything alright?” Cassian asked, slightly disoriented. He’d completely lost himself in the report.

Bodhi nodded. “Short break – restaurant’s empty.”

Cassian started. What time was it?

“It’s snowing!”

Cassian’s eyes widened, and he leaned back to lift up the blinds from the window, looking out.

It was indeed snowing. Thick snowflakes fell, illuminated by the streetlamps against the dark night sky.

“It’s almost eight,” Bodhi supplemented to Cassian’s unasked question, as Cassian watched the snow. Three hours! They’d passed unnoticeably, though he’d gotten a good part of his report done.

“Will you stay to wait for Kay?” Bodhi asked.

There were only two hours left to wait. “I think I will, if that won’t be too much trouble,” Cassian replied. “I can help you clean up the restaurant after closing.”

“Thank you. That would be great, with Jyn gone,” Bodhi said. “And of course it’s alright.”

Cassian rubbed the back of his neck.

“I’ll be downstairs.” Bodhi hopped backed down.

  
  


Cassian kept working. After about half an hour, he shifted the laptop off of his lap and stretched. Unfolding his legs, he nearly fell off the couch. His right leg had fallen asleep.

He shifted and stood up, minding his leg. Resisting the urge to perform rudimentary pilates on the rug, he settled instead for finding the bathroom.

Gingerly, he headed down the hall.

First door on the left was Bodhi’s study. He tried the first door on the right, feeling like he was prying.

The door opened into a room the size of Bodhi’s, surprisingly empty, with a desk and a bed against the far wall. So Jyn’s room. Cassian backed out hastily.

The third door revealed a small bathroom with a shower stall and frosted glass window.

  
  


Back in the sitting room, Cassian stretched his leg, then resettled on the couch, folding his left leg underneath himself and leaving his right hanging off of the couch. Tucking his hair behind his ears again, he renewed his efforts on the report.

He was being surprisingly productive, especially with it being a Friday.

He’d worked for another hour when he heard footsteps on the stairs. Light, but slow and arrhythmic. Kay, then, with his hip.

Sure enough, as Cassian looked up, Kay appeared in the doorway.

“Last run of the evening is done,” Kay said. “Now I need to deliver you home.” He looked up at Cassian, then scoffed. “That explains it.”

Cassian, focused back on his report, frowned. “Explains what?”

“Come on down,” said Kay, ignoring the question. “They’ve closed, and we should help with the cleaning."

Cassian saved his report and organized his papers into a pile, folding them into the textbook and replacing it and his laptop into his bag. Glancing around the cozy sitting room one more time, he followed Kay downstairs.

In the main room, Bodhi was wiping down the tables, and Chirrut was hefting the chairs to sit upside-down on the tabletops. Baze was preparing a mop bucket with cleaning fluid.

Cassian set down his bag on the bench, and Bodhi tossed him a sponge. He started clearing off the tables from the other end of the room.

Kay vanished momentarily through the doorway, reappearing with a broom and a dustpan, and quickly swept underneath the tables. Chirrut helped Cassian with the chairs on his side.

The cleaning was done fairly quickly, and as Kay went to empty the dustpan, Cassian went to grab his coat from its hook in the doorway.

“Go,” said Baze. “I don’t want you two leaving your dirty footprints on the floor after I mop it.”

Bodhi grinned, shooing Cassian and Kay towards the door.

“Good evening, you two. Expect you Monday, Kay,” said Chirrut.

Bodhi ushered them through the door. “Have a good night! I’ll be seeing you.”

Cassian raised his hand in farewell. “‘Night.”

Kay inclined his head and put on his helmet. “Good night, Bodhi.” His voice came out warped and layered.

Bodhi waved as Baze came out to help him lower the metal gate. Kay folded up the kickstand, and Cassian slipped on his helmet and climbed on. As they drove off, Cassian looked back. The restaurant was slowly fading into the distance, the forms of Bodhi and Baze illuminated by the streetlamp on the corner.


	9. follow me

Chapter Nine

Bodhi was sitting cross-legged on his swivel chair, mapping out calculations and listing materials for the lung prosthetic. It was Monday evening, first week of December. Cassian had, as promised, come every remaining Friday night in November. There had been only two, but still. It had been nice.

He took a sip of his coffee and rubbed his eyes. Below him, the restaurant was still open, Jyn waiting on customers and Kay running deliveries. But upstairs, it was quiet.

His landline rang.

Bodhi managed to catch his coffee mug before it tumbled off his table, jostled by his elbow in his surprise. Bodhi had forgotten that he even had a landline. And the only person who knew the number was Jyn.

Bodhi shuffled among all of his papers for the source of the sound, finding the receiver buried under the kidney blueprints. Both the phone and the charging bank were covered in a layer of dust. Hesitantly, he picked up the receiver.

“Hello?” he asked.

“Hello,” a man’s voice echoed. Bodhi gripped the receiver. “May I speak to Bodhi Rook?”

“May I ask who’s calling?” Bodhi countered. There was a pause at the other end of the line.

“Sure. It’s Cassian. Cassian Andor. Don’t know if that’ll help.”

Bodhi breathed an audible sigh of relief, filling the line with static.

“Sorry, couldn’t catch that,” said Cassian’s distorted voice.

“Cassian, it’s me,” Bodhi said. “Sorry, breathed into the mic. Didn’t recognize your voice at first – I think it might be the dust. I’ll clean it out later.”

“Oh, hey! Didn’t recognize your voice either. It might also be the connection,” Cassian suggested.

“So, what’s up? And how’d you get this number?”

Cassian laughed breathily over the line. “Jyn gave me your extension. So–” Pause. “I was wondering” Pause. “if I could stop by tomorrow?” Breath. “Chirrut-told-me-to-call-ahead-if-I-ever-wanted-to-visit-but-I-felt-like-I’d-be-bothersome-calling-Chirrut-directly-so-I’m-calling-you-instead-to-ask-and-I’m-most-likely-distracting-you-from-your-work-right-now-so-I’m-really-so–”

“Woah.” Bodhi shook his head, trying to process the information. “Of course you can come over tomorrow evening. I’ll help with the food. Is there any reason why tomorrow? Kay’s not working.”

Another laugh and a rush of static, but this one was more relaxed. “Isn’t coming to see you a good enough reason?”

Bodhi bit his lip to keep from grinning, even though he knew Cassian couldn’t see.

“Kay has to finish a paper, and I don’t want to waffle around the apartment and bother him. I have my own projects to work on, but they don’t have as much gravity. Wanted to leave him to himself for a few hours. I’m so rarely out of the apartment when he’s there.”

“Sure thing,” Bodhi said. “Come over at 4 tomorrow, and stay as long as you want.”

There was a pause at the other end, and Bodhi clapped a hand over his mouth when he realized what he’d implied.

“That a euphemism, or?” Cassian’s voice asked, full of amusement.

“Good night, Cassian,” Bodhi grumbled, but was unable to keep the amusement out of his voice either.

“See you then.”

*

Bodhi looked up through the door as he was flipping the sign in time to see Cassian pull up on Kay’s scooter, alone, a messenger bag slung over his shoulder. Bodhi watched as Cassian backed in and hopped off, pulling off his helmet.

Bodhi nearly dropped the sign.

Cassian’s hair was pulled back in a short ponytail. His front locks of hair were too short, and hung loose, framing his face.

This was terrible. How was he supposed to concentrate when–

Cassian opened the door, and Bodhi hastily stepped to the side to avoid being flattened. He was wearing the blue parka that Jyn found so atrocious. Bodhi wasn’t really sure why – it looked fine to him, and especially nice on Cassian. And the faux fur around the hood looked soft.

“Hey.” Cassian’s cheeks were red from the cold. “Sorry for the short notice. I hope I didn’t disrupt any plans.”

“It’s fine,” Chirrut called from the kitchen. “It gets lonely here when it’s cold outside.”

“Then what am I for? Washing the dishes?” Baze grumbled good-naturedly.

Jyn clattered down the stairs, pausing in the doorway to wave hello before vanishing into the kitchen.

Cassian set his bag and helmet down on the bench and struggled out of his parka, as Bodhi tried to find something to do other than look at Cassian. He was not successful.

Underneath the parka, Cassian was wearing a black blazer over a gray and blue striped sweater. Bodhi hightailed it out of the main room and into the kitchen as Cassian went to hang up his coat.

“Look at what he’s wearing! And his hair!” Bodhi hissed to Jyn while attempting to kick her out of the kitchen to take his place setting up the tables.

“Wish I could,” said Chirrut. Bodhi groaned.

Jyn finally went out to help with the tables. Only two this time, because Kay wasn’t here.

Bodhi steeped Cassian’s tea, then made up his mind and poured some for himself. Coffee would make him jittery and more likely to ramble, especially if anxious.

He loaded the two tea mugs, one with milk, as well as Jyn’s sparkling water, onto a drink tray and carried it out.

“Bodhi made you the chicken,” Jyn was saying, leaning against the table. “Like what Baze made you the first time, when Kay brought you leftovers.”

Bodhi glared at Jyn. Jyn looked like a cat that was intensely pleased with itself for doing something it knew it shouldn’t have, and quickly disappeared into the kitchen. Cassian grinned.

“Those leftovers were incredible. They definitely made an impression. Maybe that’s the real reason I hang around.”

“What, so you can get close to my dad?” Jyn suggested, reappearing and setting down three plates of buckwheat noodles and teriyaki chicken. “Hate to break it to you, but he’s married.”

Cassian laughed. “He’s not the only one that makes the chicken, right?”

Jyn rolled her eyes and settled next to Cassian on the bench, leaving Bodhi to sit across from the two of them. He returned the drink tray to the kitchen and joined them, as Baze followed him out, carrying two bowls of ramen soup. Chirrut appeared behind him, and took his seat next to Bodhi. Cassian took a sip of his tea.

“So, Cassian, what’s it that Kay is working on?” Chirrut asked jovially, picking up his spoon.

Cassian paused with a piece of chicken halfway to his mouth, then set it down. “Term paper. I finished mine earlier in the fall, but he was waiting for more sources and information on his topic, so he’s finishing it later in the term. I left to give him some space.”

“So what are you doing here? Other things you need to catch up on?” asked Baze.

Cassian finished chewing his noodles. “Other coursework, yes. But I’m also working on upping my qualifications and trying to get my resume in order. I might try again with the job.”

Baze nodded.

“Do you know where you’d like to apply, or…” Bodhi trailed off. It was kind of a personal question. Thankfully, Cassian didn’t seem to take offense. Only shook his head.

“Not yet. But it’s good, putting my life together piece by piece.”

They ate in comfortable silence for a while.

As Cassian finished his tea, Jyn got up to collect the empty plates. Baze and Chirrut departed for the kitchen, and Cassian helped Bodhi clean the tables and move them back apart.

Removing his apron and hairnet, Bodhi hung them on a hook by the punchcard machine and led the way upstairs. He was off for the evening, and could continue his prostheses research.

As he went up, he carefully unbraided his hair, until it hung heavily to his waist, slightly wavy from the braid. The systematic movements of his fingers helped him relax.

Upstairs, Cassian shuffled towards the couch, taking off his shoes by the rug. As he slung off his bag, he turned to Bodhi.

“How is your research going? I know when I called yesterday, I most likely took you away from something.”

Bodhi shook his head. “It’s alright. I can show you the progress so far, if you’d like.”

Cassian brightened. “Sure! If it wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

“Not at all,” Bodhi said, ushering Cassian into his bedroom. Cassian’s genuine interest was heartening.

In the darkness of his room, Bodhi’s negatives glowed with a fluorescent light. He flipped on the light switch and led Cassian over to his worktable, sliding a stool his way.

“I managed to print 3D models of several prosthetics to emulate the synthetic materials,” said Bodhi, showing Cassian a cross-section of a part of a synthetic large intestine.

Cassian leaned forward to examine it, and the locks of hair too short to be caught in his ponytail fell forward. Bodhi resisted the urge to tuck them back behind Cassian’s ears. He would have done it numerous times with his own hair already, and then eventually gotten up and clipped his hair back with a barrette. Instead, he sat on his hands.

“The major benefit of organ prostheses is that because they’re entire synthetic, in theory, the body cannot detect that the prosthetic is not the original organ, because it has no cellular signature. So, the body won’t reject it. I was working on calculations for a lung when you called me yesterday.”

Cassian looked up from the model. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s alright.”

Bodhi swiveled around in his chair as Cassian examined the underlying blueprint for the model. “For my master's’ thesis,” Bodhi began, “my professor invited me to do a keynote presentation at my university to describe this project. To a room full of bioengineers and potential investors.”

Cassian’s eyes widened. “Bodhi, that’s incredible! When will it be?”

“Right after my graduation from my master’s program. Sometime in late May, I think. The date hasn’t been finalized yet. There’s a chance that it might not even happen.”

Cassian leaned his elbows on the table and placed his chin in his hands. “That’s a wonderful opportunity for your work to be integrated into the public. I’m very glad you got it. You’ve put in so much effort.”

Bodhi grinned, self-conscious from the praise. “What about you?” he asked Cassian. “When does your MBA program end?”

“This year,” Cassian affirmed. “Graduation will also be in May.”

“What do you think – will you go on to get a doctorate?” Bodhi asked.

Cassian shook his head. “I don’t think so. I haven’t really stayed consistent to a particular field, so most likely I’ll stop after I get my MBA. Kay might go on to get one, though,” he added thoughtfully. “What about you?”

Bodhi considered. He’d thought the subject over numerous times, approaching it from different angles. “I think I will,” he said. “What I’m researching is a very complex field, and I’ll need as much specialization in it as possible.”

Cassian nodded in understanding. “Your dedication has tremendous effects on the quality of your work. I think your project will only get better once you hone your knowledge.”

Bodhi nodded, staring distractedly at Cassian. Less than a year – seven months. And then what? They were choosing different paths.

Bodhi looked at the small expanse of tabletop between them. He desperately wanted to close the gap. As he looked over at Cassian, poring over his blueprints, Bodhi tried to commit the moment to memory. In case he could never build the bridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes on regeneration:  
> The concept of bionic organs presented in this work is, as far as I know, complete fiction. Currently, the only bionic, or at least partly bionic, organs printed are heart valves, made out of a mix of synthetic and nonsynthetic compounds. Ongoing projects on regeneration of organs involve the use of the extracellular matrix, a protein matrix located around each human cell. In organs, the cells are washed away, leaving only the overall matrix, into which stem cells are inserted and regrown back into a functioning organ with the aid of electrical impulses. Pretty neat, huh? And it's happening!  
> Comments are always greatly appreciated!


	10. mouse robot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi's texts are italicized (ex: _sardine_ ) and Cassian's texts are emphasized (ex: **carrot** )

Chapter Ten

It was snowing.

Bodhi trudged home from university, his blueprints in a tubular portfolio underneath his arm. December 8th – last day of classes for the year. They’d start again January 2nd.

It was a long break, which was nice. It gave Bodhi ample time to work on his research and help his family out at the restaurant.

On all weekdays except Friday, Jyn worked for two hours from the restaurant’s opening at 10am, up until Bodhi got back from his classes. He then worked from 12 to 4pm, and had the rest of the evening off to do coursework while Jyn worked from 5 to 10pm. On Fridays, both he and Jyn worked until lunch, and he worked alone until closing time. He worked the morning shift, from 10am to 4pm, on Saturdays, and the evening shift on Sundays. With the restaurant expected to be more full around Christmas, he was glad that he could be there to help his parents and Jyn out.

The wind picked up, and Bodhi shrank into his coat to hide his exposed neck. It was a twenty-block walk to the restaurant. He hadn’t taken the car, because parking would have been hell in the snow, so he trudged on, snow crunching underfoot.

Stores were catching the Christmas mood, and there were festive red and green displays in storefront windows.

Bodhi tried avoiding main avenues, looking to walk down streets with little traffic to enjoy the silence.

He remembered that day in November, with Cassian sitting on his couch, hair tucked behind his ear, absorbed in his work. Lifting up the blinds to watch the snow fall.

Bodhi looked up. The sky was gray, and the snowflakes fell copiously, alighting on his eyelashes and blurring his vision as they melted. He stuck out his tongue and caught one.

*

It was late, and Bodhi had taken the receiver apart and was cleaning out the dust. The work was finicky, but it served well as a small distraction from his project.

As he replaced the receiver, the button with Call History lit up.

Bodhi clicked it. There was only one received phone call in the landline's memory – the one from Cassian on Monday night.

Bodhi's fingers lingered over the Call option. He hesitated, then hit Call.

The call sounded through. Once, twice. Bodhi determined Cassian to be asleep. As he was about to hang up, the automated answering machine turned on.

 _You've reached the mobile phone of Cassian Andor_ , said Cassian's prerecorded voice. It was absolutely without inflection, and sounded more...muted than it did now, even though it was obvious that the recording was several years old. So just after he'd come back from the army.

_I apologize for being unable to take your call. Please leave your name and a brief message, or send a text to this number. I will call you back as soon as possible._

Bodhi stared at the receiver in his hand as the beep sounded. Why had he called?

He brought the phone up to his ear. He had to say something. Cassian would recognize the number, and then worry about the missed call.

"Hey, it's Bodhi. Don't worry about the missed call – it's nothing urgent."

Shit. So why had he called?

"Just calling, I guess."

That's great, Bodhi.

"First night of break. Did your classes also end today?"

Better. Borderline conversational.

"I'll send you a text from my cellphone to this number, now that I know it's your mobile, so that you'll have both my cellphone and landline number."

Was that really necessary? Bodhi chewed his lip.

"Goodnight." He set the receiver down. Then pulled out his cellphone and entered the number.

_hey. it's Bodhi  
(my cellphone number)_

He stared at his phone screen, then set an alarm for 8am.

*

Bodhi jolted awake. His phone was buzzing. Hastily, he tripped up from his bed and pulled it from its charging port by the wall.

The screen lit up again, the alerts from the two text messages repeating. Bodhi squinted at the time. 6:34 in the morning. He unlocked his phone.

**hey! thanks for sending me your number. break did start for me too  
sorry for not picking up or replying yesterday. I fell asleep and my sound was off**

Bodhi stared at the two gray message bubbles. Then stared at the time.

_do you know what time it is?_

The three dots appeared almost instantaneously.

**oh my god. I'm so sorry. did I wake you?**

Bodhi flopped back onto his bed.

_it's fine lmao. just first day of break. wanted to sleep in_

**sorry about that**

****

Another three dots appeared.

****

**although you DID text and try to call me at 1am**

****

Bodhi's eyes widened, and he scrolled up through the texts. Cassian was right. He'd lost track of time working on the kidney prosthetic and had completely blanked on checking it. And had ended up messaging Cassian at close to two in the morning.

****

_no wonder I'm so tired_

****

More dots.

****

A smirking emoji, followed by **yeah? that's the only reason?**

****

_is that your specialization?_

****

Before Bodhi could finish the second line of text, being "taking every opportunity to acknowledge euphemisms," Cassian shot back:

****

**if you want it to be**

****

Bodhi reddened.

****

_you're insufferable_

****

He got a kiss emoji in compensation.

****

_good night Cassian_

****

**it's morning**

****

_I don't care. I'm going back to sleep_

****

**good night, mi bella durmiente**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter! Comments are appreciated!


	11. talk of podracing

Chapter Eleven

The first Tuesday of break, both Cassian and Kay came over. Cassian had called the night before, Bodhi's cellphone instead of his landline, to let him know.

After the six of them, Chirrut and Baze included, were settled over plates of biryani, Chirrut made an announcement to Cassian and Kay.

"Baze and I will be leaving for a week, December 18th to December 24th, to Vancouver, and we'll be closing the restaurant. We don't want to put so much pressure on Bodhi and Jyn to keep it open and functional, especially since it's during the holiday season. So Kay, you don't have to come in to work, and there's no free lunch for you, Cassian."

Kay nodded, while Cassian looked mildly uncomfortable.

"You two can still come over," Jyn said. "It's just that the restaurant will be closed and you'll have to use the building's entrance."

Cassian sipped his tea and nodded.

In the frigid weather, even Kay had been coerced into tea instead of his usual iced water, but Jyn steadfastly refused and drank her fizzy drink.

After a small dessert of rice pudding with cinnamon, Jyn invited everyone upstairs, as Bodhi carried off the empty dishes.

"Go up too," said Chirrut. "The restaurant doesn't open in another 17 minutes. And we'll have less food to prepare since Kay isn't delivering today. We'll call you downstairs if we need you."

Bodhi sprinted upstairs after the others.

  
  


In the sitting room, Cassian was settled in the corner of one couch, while Kay sat in the other and Jyn perched on its back. Bodhi dropped down on the other side of Cassian's couch and stretched his legs, until his heels poked Cassian's thighs. Cassian yelped.

"Your feet! They're freezing!"

Bodhi shrugged. "It's winter."

"Even through your socks!" Cassian lamented, as Bodhi acted as the thermal sink for all of the warmth in Cassian's legs.

"And you complain that I drink the iced water," said Jyn, rolling her eyes. Kay reached out quickly and grabbed her foot.

Jyn shrieked, nearly falling off of the couch.

"Your prosthetic! It's ice!"

Kay retracted his hand. "It also tells me that your foot is approximately 44°F. So Bodhi isn't the only one with cold feet. Your secret's out."

Jyn stuck out her tongue.

Cassian, meanwhile, turned to Bodhi. "Is the rest of you as cold?"

Bodhi shrugged self-consciously. "No? Not really."

Cassian pulled off his wool sweater. "Come here." He held it out to Bodhi.

Bodhi scooted forward on the couch, and slipped the already-oversize sweater over his head. It was incredibly warm, but he was practically drowning in it. Cassian wrapped Bodhi in a bear hug and pulled him in, with his chest against Bodhi's back, radiating warmth. Bodhi pulled his legs up onto the couch and sat cross-legged, hiding his feet beneath his thighs.

It was warm. Humiliating, but warm.

"Kay and I are hosting a Christmas-slash-New Year's party at our apartment," said Cassian. Bodhi could feel his chest rise, with his head resting against Cassian's shoulder. "On December 23rd. There's not going to be that many people."

"There’ll be alcohol, obviously, but you're not required to drink," said Kay. "You're also not required to bring gifts. It's just a get-together to celebrate the break and the holidays."

"So if you guys want to come.... No pressure. Just an invitation," said Cassian.

"Who's going to be there?" asked Jyn, though it was obvious she'd already made up her mind about going.

"Cethro, Han, Chewie, Luke," ticked off Kay.

"Is Leia coming?" Jyn asked hopefully.

"Only if she doesn't bring her entourage of agents," said Cassian behind Bodhi. "But I think she's already confirmed."

"Aren't Leia and Luke siblings?" Bodhi asked.

"Yes, they're twins," said Kay, "but Luke wasn't adopted by a fucking _Portuguese diplomat_ , so he doesn't have to deal with formalities."

"It must have been such a step down for Leia, meeting Luke's family," said Cassian with barely-suppressed scorn.

"Who does he live with?" asked Jyn.

"Ben Kenobi. Luke's aunt and uncle died in a house fire several years ago," said Kay.

"What does Ben do?" asked Bodhi.

"He's a yoga instructor," said Kay. “Used to live out in Arizona as a hermit, but moved to California to care for Luke when his aunt and uncle died. I think he met Chewie back in Arizona. They moved here only a few years ago.”

"Damn, I bet Luke is a fucking yoga _master_ ," said Jyn. It was hard to tell whether she was being sarcastic or not.

"That must come in handy," said Cassian cheekily.

Bodhi gave up his comfortable position in Cassian's arms to pick up a couch cushion, and hit Cassian with it. Several times.

"What, jealous?" Cassian grinned.

_Thud._

"It would definitely come in handy for Leia," said Jyn.

Bodhi threw the cushion at her. She ducked, cackling.

Defeated, he slumped back against Cassian's chest.

"Will you two be coming?" Cassian asked.

"Yes," confirmed Bodhi.

"Definitely," said Jyn.

"Great," said Kay. "We'll have food, so you don't have to bring anything. Party officially starts around 3pm, and will probably last until around midnight, but you can come earlier if you want. You can also stay overnight, just let us know beforehand."

  
  


December 23rd wasn't that far away.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always greatly appreciated!


	12. the magic tree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Motivated by the critical acclaim of Ben Kenobi, desert hermit yoga instructor, I've sketched him [here](https://twitter.com/kataclysmimicks/status/872930356848152582).
> 
> Song list (without links to any platforms) is [here](http://kataclysmimicking.tumblr.com/post/162008706230/complete-chronological-list-of-songs-mentioned-in) and Spotify playlist is [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/2257e4oktgjjgy6xws6qdsmoq/playlist/2NDc0PZoLAoPxQFAmVYKAl).

Chapter Twelve

Bodhi parked the Saab precariously atop a snowdrift several blocks away from 217. As Jyn clambered out, a bag with an edible arrangement of fruit clutched tightly in her hand, Bodhi leaned across the seat and locked the door after she slammed it shut.

Shutting off the ignition, after some consideration, he put the car on the handbrake and climbed out, locking the car door after himself. Jyn was loitering on the curb, looking around. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Bodhi led the way down the block to Cassian and Kay’s apartment building.

“What a quiet neighborhood,” said Jyn, turning her head to and fro to look at the large apartment buildings lining the street. “No shops, no restaurants…”

“Half of these are probably university dorms,” Bodhi replied, as they turned into the courtyard of building 217. He held the door open for Jyn, and followed her into the building’s vestibule.

Together, they looked at the listing for apartment numbers and corresponding names.

“4C.” Bodhi traced his finger up the buzzers and rang the one corresponding to a small label that said _Andor/Tuesso_.

Static hissed through the intercom, followed by a hasty “Who’s there?” Bodhi recognized Kay’s voice. He looked at his watch. It was 2pm. They were rather early.

“It’s us,” he said. “Bodhi and Jyn. Sorry, we overestimated our travel time.”

“Hello! It’s fine,” said Kay’s voice as the door buzzed open, “come up!”

Jyn caught the door and held it open to Bodhi. Together, they climbed the narrow stairs to the fourth floor, and looked around the landing. Apartment 4C was at the end of the short hall, adjacent to 4D on its left. There were five apartments on each floor.

Bodhi knocked uncertainly on the door. There was some shuffling and muffled swearing from inside the apartment, and the door unlocked.

Cassian was standing in the doorway, wearing a gray t-shirt, a dark-blue aviator jacket, and no pants.

Jyn raised her eyebrows. Bodhi staunchly kept his eyes fixed on the wall across the door. He spotted Kay leaning against the counter, smirking.

“Sorry about that,” Cassian said hastily, gesturing vaguely. His jeans were slung across his right arm, and he pulled them on as he admitted Bodhi and Jyn into the apartment. “Didn’t expect you guys to be so early.”

Kay was slouching against the kitchen counter, wearing a blue and white striped turtleneck. Cassian took Jyn and Bodhi’s coats as Bodhi looked around the apartment.

The door led into the living room, which was divided by a counter and hollow space in the wall from the kitchen. A short hallway etched the path to three separate doors. Cassian and Kay’s respective bedrooms, and the bathroom.

The walls of the apartment were a pale yellow, looking almost white in the wintery light. The living room had a small newspaper table across from a worn loveseat, as well as several low shelves cluttered with textbooks. The walls were adorned with several large framed portraits, done in black paint over large white canvases. A small speaker system perched atop GMAT prep books on one of the bookshelves.

Bodhi knelt to untie his snowboots as Cassian turned to Jyn, who unceremoniously presented him with the fruit. “For the alcohol,” she said. “To refresh your palette.”

Cassian looked at the fruit basket presented to him as if it were something absolutely terrifying, until Kay came over and plucked it from him, opening it to take a look.

“Serendipitous choices,” he said thoughtfully. “Strawberries for the vodka and grapes for the wine. And cherries for the bourbon.”

“Thank you,” said Cassian, recovering and turning to Bodhi and Jyn. “You really shouldn’t have.”

“It’s our pleasure,” said Jyn. “You’re hosting, and we had to repay the favor somehow.”

Kay vanished into the kitchen to place the fruit into the refrigerator, and Bodhi followed Cassian into the sitting room, subsequently trailed by Jyn.

“You’re the first ones here, so there isn’t really much going on. Feel free to sit wherever and just hang out. Cethro should be coming around soon,” said Cassian. He stopped at the stereo, and thumbed through his phone’s music library as Bodhi looked over his shoulder. 

“Ever hear of _Café del Mar_?” Cassian asked Bodhi.

Bodhi shook his head. “Sounds vaguely familiar, but not something I can readily describe.”

Jyn plopped down on the loveseat, and pulled Robert Sheckley’s selected short stories off of the coffee table.

Cassian settled on _Café del Mar, Volume 9_ , and hit play. “It’s a cafe in Sant Antoni de Portmany, in Islas Baleares, Spain. It opened in 1980. It’s famous for its playlists that accompany the sunsets visible from the cafe.”

‘Dieu Reconnaitra Les Siens’ was whispering out from the speakers.

Cassian set his phone on the shelf by the speakers, and hopped on beside it, clearing away some debris in the form of old essays and a syllabus. In the kitchen, Kay was excavating the decanter.

“I, um,” said Bodhi quietly, motioning at the tray of alcohol that Kay was hovering over. “I don’t, er–”

“Don’t worry,” said Cassian, swinging his legs back and forth. “I’m not drinking, either. Neither is Chewie, I think, if Han wants to get home. You won’t ruin the mood, if that’s what you’re worried about. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

Bodhi nodded. “Did you paint these?” he asked, changing the subject.

“The portraits?” asked Cassian, motioning at the large frames adorning the living room walls.

“Yes,” Bodhi clarified, looking at the portrait on the far right wall. It was a woman with short hair, her face accentuated with thick black brushstrokes, where each individual brush hair was defined.

Cassian nodded. “Portrait studies of people I knew. I painted a lot of them when I was first discharged. Sold a few to private collectors.” He followed Bodhi’s gaze to the rightmost portrait.

“That’s Senator Mon Mothma. I met her while serving. She had an incredibly powerful, commanding presence. A charismatic leader. I saw her only once.” He leaned his back against the wall. “I think Leia has some of that air.”

Senator Mothma’s eyes weren’t looking directly at Bodhi, which was good. It made him feel less skittish. Cassian had a way of conveying expressions and emotion even in eyes that did not look directly through the painting. Next to him, Cassian barked out a short, soft laugh. “She gets to judge me when I get drunk and Kay dumps me on the loveseat.”

Kay was polishing shot glasses behind the counter. Jyn replaced the book onto the coffee table and got up to help.

Bodhi looked up at Cassian, sitting above him on the shelving unit. His aviator jacket was lined with wool. His gray shirt had a faded _KISS_ logo on the front. One of Cassian’s hands rested inches from Bodhi’s waist.

Bodhi had braided his hair in a fishtail, and was wearing a NASA sweater over a gray crewneck and jeans. He’d worn wool socks this time, to avoid thermal energy theft and the cold.

It was warm in the apartment. The radiator underneath the windowsill in the kitchen hissed, reluctantly emanating warmth.

“Oh! I wouldn’t want to forget,” Cassian exclaimed suddenly, and slipped off of the shelf. “I’ll be back,” he said, winking, and vanished down the hall, into the first room on the right. Bodhi stared after him for a moment, then climbed into the spot vacated by Jyn on the loveseat.

Cassian glided back into the living room, carrying a folded bundle. Hesitantly, he sat across from Bodhi on the loveseat, which was hard to do, considering the loveseat’s size, and presented the bundle to Bodhi. “Don’t know if you’ll like it,” he said hastily, as Bodhi took the bundle, hoisting his legs onto the loveseat and sitting crosslegged, “and I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable because we did say no gifts, but this was something I’d planned a while ago and thought it would be an appropriate time to present it.”

Bodhi straightened out the bundle. It was a neatly knitted, forest green scarf. He could feel that the yarn was high-quality wool. The stitches were neat and even, and the gaps between them were very small.

Bodhi looked up. Cassian’s head was down, and he appeared to be transfixed by the small expanse of couch that had somehow managed to come between them.

Bodhi scooted forward and pulled Cassian into a one-armed hug, his other arm occupied by the scarf. “Thank you, Cassian. It’s very relevant to the weather and my own circulation problems.”

Cassian grinned against his shoulder, flushed. “That day when you walked me to the subway in your varsity jacket, shivering like a leaf, I decided it might help the cause a little.”

Bodhi laughed, releasing Cassian from the embrace and refolding the scarf again. “Thank you so much.”

Cassian leaned his head against Bodhi’s shoulder, unwilling to move away. “I’m glad you like it. I was worried about the color.”

Bodhi reclined against the loveseat’s back, Cassian still leaning on his shoulder. “No, I like it. It’s not too bright. It’s very much in my taste.”

Cassian breathed a laugh against Bodhi’s neck. “There’s something very specific in my taste. Hint, it starts with–”

The doorbell rang.

“That would be Cethro,” Kay said dryly, as Bodhi jolted and Cassian started off of his shoulder.

“I should get that,” said Cassian apologetically, climbing out of the loveseat reluctantly and hurrying to the door. Bodhi rubbed the bridge of his nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The references referencing That One Song were definitely not there...  
> (there were two)
> 
> Comments are always greatly appreciated!


	13. the battle in the snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was debating whether or not to up the rating to M because of this chapter for language, so I did. Only reason why. The language gets pretty explicit after the asterisk, and that bit can be skipped without losing the thread of the plot.
> 
> Content warning for alcohol consumption.
> 
> A sketch of Cethro I did a while back is [here](http://katastrophiconsequences.tumblr.com/post/160661125186/20-min-sketch-of-cethro-for-cabrrae).  
> Sketches of Cassian and Bodhi are [here](https://twitter.com/kataclysmimicks/status/873266332036341760).
> 
> A note on chapter structure: the last of Bodhi's four chapters was Chapter Twelve, which is the beginning of the Christmas Party. This chapter is from Kay's perspective, but the next one is from Cassian's, and then the cycle of Kay-Cassian-Bodhi returns, but with two chapters for each person instead of four.

Chapter Thirteen

Cassian unlocked the door, and Cethro stepped in, carrying a long paper bag branded Astor Place. He set down the bag and pulled off his glasses, wiping them with his gloves, before tucking his golden hair back from his eyes and replacing them on the bridge of his nose. His dark skin was flushed from the cold, and made his blonde curls stand out even more starkly. He then shrugged off his amber-colored parka and gratefully handed it to Cassian, who was loitering near him with a clothes hanger.

“Hey, Cassian,” said Cethro, grinning and shaking his hand. His gold glasses frames glinted from the light in the entryway. Leaning down, he untied his boots and tugged them off, placing them by Jyn’s combat boots. Pushing his glasses back up, he picked up the paper bag and headed over to the kitchen to join Kay and Jyn.

“Looks like I’m not the first person here, for once,” said Cethro, waving hello to Jyn. The thin gold bangles on his wrist jingled. He stuck out his hand, his gold nails catching the light. “Cethro Pio,” he said, smiling at Jyn, revealing a small tooth gap between his two front teeth. “Global communications major. I know Kay and Cassian from university.”

Kay rolled his eyes. “He also scored an internship with the United States ambassador for the United Nations. He’s a polyglot; knows 17 languages, as well as fluent in a majority of United States legislature concerning overseas policy.”

Jyn shook his hand warmly. “Jyn Erso. I work with Kay.” She gestured to Bodhi, who was sitting on the loveseat, thumbing through Sheckley’s works. Cassian was still shuffling around by the door. “That’s my brother, Bodhi Rook.”

Cethro smiled again, his eyes crinkling, as he set the paper Astor Place bag on the counter. “I’ve heard about your brother’s master’s dissertation on organ prostheses. It’s an incredibly intricate subject, and I’m speechless with the amount of research he’s put into it already. I’m fascinated by his findings so far. I must talk to him about it, when I get the chance. Thank goodness for this social gathering, though you won’t find me saying that often!

“But enough about your brother, especially to you – you’ve probably heard this all too often. I’ve read a bit about you too!”

Jyn’s mouth went slack as she was thrown off guard, still shaking Cethro’s hand. The warm umber of the fabric of his shirt almost glowed in the light, and rustled softly. He seemed not the least bit uncomfortable with the prolonged handshake.

“Of course! Some small newspaper outlets covered your graduation to the post of sous-chef under your fathers at their restaurant. It is a rather well-known establishment for their wide range of cultural influences on their food. It’s savoriness goes without saying, of course.”

“He also has an eidetic memory,” Kay added, smirking at Jyn’s loss for words.

Cethro released Jyn’s hand gently as she leaned back against the counter to gather her wits. Cethro turned to Kay, clasping Kay’s left hand in both his own.

“I brought two bottles of champagne; I hope that they would suffice with your current liquor holds,” he said earnestly, gesturing to the bag on the counter.

“You really shouldn’t have,” Kay said, shaking his head. “But I’m glad that we have something to go with it, at least.”

Cethro sighed. “Humor me with my formalities, will you, Kay? I’d feel terrible coming empty-handed, and you know that. It settles my nerves to bring something.”

“And so it does everyone else, it seems,” said Kay, defeated. “I’ll put the champagne to chill, then.”

Cethro handed the bag to Kay with a chuckle. “As if it weren’t sufficiently chilled, while I walked all the way from the 2 at 18th.” He exited the kitchen with a soft metallic jingle, going to introduce himself to Bodhi. Kay watched as he settled on the loveseat beside him, engaged in soft conversation.

Kay opened the refrigerator door, and Jyn handed him the bottles. “He’s–”

“A lot to take in? An imposing presence?” Kay supplied, tucking the bottles into the shelf on the door.

“A force of nature,” Jyn decided. “But in the most polite way possible.”

Kay nodded. “He’s a genius.” He grinned. “But his one weakness is that he loves to complain. Remind you of anyone?”

Jyn was about to retort when the doorbell rang again. Cassian dropped a coat hanger, and Bodhi popped into the entryway, startled. Kay went to open the door.

A very cold Luke Skywalker was standing in the doorway, bundled in a white parka. “Hey, Kay! Hi, Cassian!” he said jovially, slightly out of breath, shaking the snow off of his coat before ducking into the apartment.

“It started snowing outside?” asked Jyn, peering through the window as Luke tugged off his boots and placed them carefully in a corner to dry. He accepted the coat hanger from Cassian and situated his parka onto it.

“Not too hard, no,” he ceded, trying to catch his breath. “But I walked here from Penn Station and managed to accumulate quite a bit.” He tugged off his gloves and held his hand out to Jyn.

“Luke Skywalker,” he said, and Jyn took it.

“Jyn Erso. I am–” she paused. “I know your sister.”

“In what sense of the word?” Kay quipped from behind her. Bodhi looked at Kay in exasperation.

“That usually happens,” said Luke, oblivious. “She tends to be the more noteworthy one of the two of us.”

“Don’t undermine your own achievements,” said Cethro, reappearing behind Bodhi from the living room. “You got into Columbia through a fencing scholarship. You’re a national champion.”

Luke shook Bodhi’s hand. “You give me too much credit, Cethro. Besides, I rather prefer the diplomacy and politics classes I’m currently taking.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said to Bodhi. “I’m sure you’ve been hearing this all afternoon, but I’ve been following your organ prostheses dissertation for the past couple of years. I must reiterate that it’s absolutely incredible.”

Bodhi smiled warmly, then looked serious. “I’m surprised by how many people know about my pilot program. Granted, this is a very small circle of friends, but even an audience like this outside of university is incredibly surprising, not to mention gratifying.”

Kay watched Cassian watch Bodhi and Luke continue their conversation on one side of the living room, while Cethro patted the seat on the loveseat next to him and started showing Jyn pictures of his cat, R-2. Cassian had joked that the R stood for Ratcatcher. When Cethro had told him that R-2’s full name was R2-D2, Cassian had stoutly insisted that the D stood for Deluxe. To this day, Kay wasn’t sure what the letters stood for, or whether they meant anything at all.

Cassian went into the kitchen to make himself some tea.

There was a knock on the door. Kay, being closest, still loitering in the entryway, went to open it.

Lando Calrissian stood in the doorway, grinning charismatically. The living room got quiet. Kay could swear he felt everyone in the room simultaneously swoon.

Lando was wearing a blue wool coat, lined with black wool and held closed with golden clasps. His shoulders were slightly dusted with snow. He shook Kay’s hand warmly, and waved to Cassian, still in the kitchen, hovering over the kettle. The rest of the living room had eyes only for Lando.

Kay took Lando’s coat and hung it up with the others, as Lando unzipped his boots and settled them out of the way.

“Lando Calrissian,” he introduced himself to the occupants of the living room. “I believe the only person I know here is Cethro, because we’re in the global trade policies class together with Kay.”

The room was enraptured. From somewhere on his person, though even Kay wasn’t exactly sure from where, Lando procured a hefty bottle of whiskey, and disappeared into the kitchen to give it to Cassian.

Luke found his voice first. “I haven’t brought anything! I’m terribly sorry, Kay.”

Kay leaned his hand against his forehead. The hand whirred slightly under the pressure. “You didn’t have to bring anything.” He looked up. “Don’t worry, it wasn’t required.”

“Would anyone else like tea, in the meantime?” called Cassian from the kitchen. “While we’re waiting on three more people?”

There was a chorus of “yes's,” and Bodhi excused himself from his animated conversation with Luke to go help.

Kay glanced into the living room. Luke was leaning over Jyn’s shoulder, looking at pictures of Cethro’s cat. Through the window in the wall, Kay could see Lando artfully rearranging the liquor shelf while Bodhi and Cassian fussed over the tea. The music over the speakers died down, then started up again. Kay went to get the fruit from the refrigerator.

The doorbell rang for the fourth goddamn time.

“I’ll get it,” said Luke, being the person standing closest to the door. He opened it, revealing a frozen Leia. The room cheered and erupted in mock applause as Leia stomped the snow off of her boots at the doorstep and stepped inside, the door remaining ajar.

“Wait for it,” Kay heard Jyn whisper to no one in particular, since Cethro was the only one near her.

Leia unzipped her frozen down jacket, slipping it off and tossing it onto the radiator. Underneath was a sweater that read “I’M A LUXURY.”

“Suits you,” said a voice from behind the door. Everyone jumped, including Leia, who threw open the door wide to reveal Han, followed by Chewie, who was holding a twelve-pack of Heineken. Han was grinning from ear to ear. “Especially the back.”

Fuming, Leia turned around to showcase the back of the sweater, which read “THAT FEW CAN AFFORD.” There were hoots of laughter and another smattering of applause. Jyn looked incredibly pleased with herself.

“Excellent, we’re all here,” said Lando, as he and Han exchanged an embrace. “Think it’ll be fair to break out the liquor.”

*

Kay was not sure how he’d managed to be coerced into playing. Perhaps it had something to do with Chewie betting fifty dollars on him if he won. Or lost. One of the two.

So he found himself, maybe three hours later, sitting at the kitchen table with Jyn, Cethro, Han, and Luke, with a shot glass in front of him and a large bowl of strawberries and bottle of vodka standing at the center of the table to intimidate him. The other guests were crowded around the table, eager to watch the game go down.

“Who starts?” asked Han, eagerly rubbing his hands. Gracefully, Lando filled each of their shot glasses to the brim with vodka.

“Kay,” said Cethro. “He’s one of the hosts. He should get an advantage.”

There was a general murmur of agreement.

“Alright,” said Kay. “Easy one. Never have I ever met my parents.”

Jyn and Han each took a shot, looking uncomfortably around the circle. Lando refilled their glasses neatly.

“Cethro’s next, since he’s next to me and didn’t take a shot,” said Kay.

Cethro considered. “Never have I ever been arrested.”

Han and Jyn took a shot again. Leia raised her eyebrows. Jyn shrugged. “Dunno if it counts. Went to juvie for a bit for stealin’ something small when I was thirteen. Absolute dumbass.” She looked angrily at her empty shot glass, then took a strawberry. Han did not care to explain himself.

“Never have I ever worked for the government,” said Han after some consideration.

Kay and Cethro took a shot.

“Never have I ever slept with someone in this room,” said Luke suddenly.

Han, Jyn, and Kay all took a shot. Lando coughed, as did Leia. Cassian stared long and hard at the bowl of strawberries on the table. Bodhi swallowed a mouthful of tea too quickly.

Jyn wiggled her eyebrows. “Never have I ever wanted to sleep with someone at this table.”

Luke took a shot. He was the only one. He sighed as Lando refilled his glass.

“Alright,” said Kay. “Never have I ever slept with someone of a different gender.”

Jyn took a shot. Han took a shot. Luke took a strawberry in disappointment.

“Never have I ever gotten a blowjob in a gas station bathroom at a truck overnight,” said Cethro.

Han took a shot. Leia snorted, and this time Cassian inhaled his tea the wrong way. “Hey, tha’s specific. And unfair,” Han slurred.

Han contemplated the watery liquid in his shot glass. “Never have I ever...gotten fired for sleeping with my boss.”

“You might want to check your records to make sure,” said Cethro, taking a shot.

“He’s slept with his bosses,” Chewie clarified, “just never gotten fired for it.”

Han fixed the vicinity of Chewie with a glare. “And fuck you.”

Luke looked at the strawberry bowl. “Never have I ever slept with my boss, period.”

Cethro, Han, and Kay took a shot. Jyn fixed Kay with an incredulous look, as if she’d realized something that should have been apparent several rounds ago. Cassian groaned.

“Never have I ever slept with my roommate,” said Jyn, grinning wickedly, as if to clarify something not altogether ostensibly obvious.

Kay took a shot, along with Cethro and Luke. Cassian buried his face in his hands, and Chewie patted him on the back in consolation.

Kay looked Jyn straight in the eye. “Never have I ever eaten pussy.”

Jyn took a shot, the room rioting, followed by Han. At least he could hold his liquor. The bottle was past half-empty.

“Is anyone keeping track?” asked Bodhi.

“Only of how much they can absolutely tear apart the hosts,” muttered Cassian. “But I think Kay is leading with charisma.”

“I don’t think that’s the point,” muttered Leia at Cassian’s right.

“Never have I ever slept with anyone at this table,” said Cethro.

No one moved.

“Never have I ever dared someone to sleep with me, and had them actually, willingly, do it,” said Han.

“I wonder why,” Leia stage-whispered, as Cethro took a shot.

“Never have I ever,” began Luke, “bedded someone on a dare.”

Jyn took another shot, along with Cethro. Leia rolled her eyes.

The bottle was reaching its dregs as Lando refilled Jyn and Cethro’s glasses. Jyn struggled to formulate something coherent.

“Never have I ever,” she started, then stopped and frowned. “No, done that...no… Never have I ever,” she paused, deep in thought, then looked up triumphantly, “done anal!”

The entire table took a shot, followed by general rioting. Leia spilled some of her champagne. Chewie yelled incoherently. Kay felt as if he were in a daze. The cacophony was immense. He expected a complaint from the neighbors in the morning.

Lando distributed the remaining vodka among the four shot glasses. “Make it or break it, Kay,” he said, clapping Kay on the shoulder. Kay looked smugly at Jyn, who looked smugly right back. 

“Never have I ever,” Kay paused for dramatic effect. Everyone leaned in. “Never have I ever been in love.”

The room became a blur, the people at the table considering, the people around it murmuring. But out of the corner of his eye, Kay saw Cassian lift his mug of tea silently to his lips and drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I overdo it? Maybe.  
> I wrote this chapter over a month ago and I've forgotten just how terrible it is.
> 
> Writer's license for the fact that if Jyn and Han had been drinking by feasible human standards, they'd both be dead from alcohol poisoning. Please don't try it at home.


	14. cargo shuttle sw-0608

Chapter Fourteen

Cassian served a late dinner to everyone still awake after the game, Kay being too inebriated to help without setting himself on fire.

Han had been situated upright on the loveseat, where he’d promptly fallen asleep, and was advised to be left alone by Chewie.

Chewie, Lando, Jyn, Leia, Luke, Cethro, Kay, and Bodhi sat themselves rather close together around the table, as Cassian served warm plates of roasted chicken with beans and rice and joined them, squeezing in between Bodhi and Cethro. Lando offered to pour whiskey for anyone who so desired, and Leia took up the offer, while everyone else politely declined to the best of their abilities.

Cassian was pleased that he’d managed to successfully warm the food up without burning it or leaving parts of it still cold, and therefore, much like everyone else, enjoyed the meal thoroughly. It was also one of the best things he’d cooked in a while.

Over the food, Cethro went on a long-winded political rant for the audience of Lando and Kay, while Leia and Jyn laughed about something and Luke had a conversation with Chewie. Han could be heard snoring softly from the living room.

Before Cassian could ask Bodhi anything about how he was perceiving the party, Bodhi turned to him.

“Thank you for inviting me. I assume that this is a very familial sort of get-together. It was a pleasure meeting the people closest to you.”

Cassian gave Bodhi a small smile. “I’m glad that you’re finding this enjoyable. They’re the only people I know here, even after four years of living in New York. I’ve been meaning to introduce them for some time.”

Sitting together, surrounded by his closest friends. It was a surprisingly calming and rewarding feeling.

After Cassian cleared away the dinner plates, the party slowly filtered into the living room, more subdued and quiet as the night wore on. Han had woken up, and decided to partake in a conversation with Luke and Lando, perched atop a bookshelf. Cethro was talking to Leia, alternately drilling her mercilessly on diplomatic procedures and extrapolating about his workplace problems. The effects of the drinks he’d had hadn’t quite worn off. Jyn and Kay were occupying the loveseat, and were deep in conversation.

Luke had won the game, with the least amount of shots taken. No one seemed to acknowledge it, Luke included. But although he’d only had four shots, he held his liquor rather poorly, proving to be a very friendly and clingy drunk.

Cassian and Bodhi sat on the floor around the coffee table, on cushions stolen from the loveseat, talking idly.

It was a pleasant atmosphere, no one required to socialize with a person in particular, but finding things to talk about nonetheless. Having recovered from his trip to the edge of the abyss, Han went into the kitchen and returned with beer for himself and Luke.

Leia left first, at around 10pm, dragging Luke with her. “Come on, you’ll get a ride home,” she pleaded, attempting to pull Luke away from his conversation with Han. Luke submitted dourly, stopping to point out that Leia’s sweater had somehow managed to end up on backwards. Huffing, Leia tugged it off and put it on him. He looked just as nice in the color.

“Before you go,” Kay said loudly from the sofa, causing everyone to quiet down. “New rule: everyone that leaves has to give Cassian a kiss.”

Cassian looked up from his perch on the cushion by the coffee table. Bodhi hid a smile behind his teacup. “Shut up, Kay.”

“He said,” Kay continued languidly, “that he wanted to be kissed. He said, that he was se–”

Cassian got off the cushion very quickly and threw it at Kay, hitting him square in the face. Jyn doubled over with laughter.

Leia was studiously shoving Luke into his boots, and looked up at the announcement. “Oh, all right,” she huffed, taking several tries to successfully lace up her own boots. Luke was struggling with the zipper of his parka.

“Will you be heading back by train?” Cassian asked, getting up to see Leia and Luke out.

Leia shook her head. “Car. Only one, though, and we have a driver. I’ll drop Luke off at Ben’s. It’ll be safer that way. No way am I letting him take the subway like this.”

Cassian unlocked the door, and held it open. Leia leaned in, and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you for hosting us,” she said, smiling. “Merry Christmas, if I don’t get a chance to call.” She grabbed Luke’s arm and tried to tug him out the door.

“‘Second, sis,” Luke said, leaning in. Cassian tried to take a step back, but Luke was surprisingly fast. With a grin, he placed a kiss on the tip of Cassian’s nose. “G’night, Cassian; Kay. Thanks for the strawberries.”

Leia succeeded in extracting him from the apartment. Cassian waved, then closed the door behind them.

“Score,” Kay deadpanned, sending Jyn into another peal of laughter.

Cassian sighed. “There’s always something every year, isn’t there?”

Kay leaned forward conspiratorially, addressing Bodhi, but still speaking at normal volume. “Last year there was mistletoe.”

Lando stayed for another hour, friendly and conversational. He left with as charming a smile, kissing Cassian squarely on the mouth before closing the door behind him. Cassian stood dumbfounded for several moments after the door had clicked shut.

Han and Chewie left soon after, with Chewie half-carrying Han along. “Don’t worry,” he assured Cassian. “I took the car, so we’ll get home fine.” Han blew Cassian a kiss as Chewie dragged him out.

It was just the five of them left; him and Bodhi, with Jyn, Kay, and Cethro. Kay and Jyn had somehow, in the middle of a heated conversation, fallen asleep, leaning against each other on one side of the loveseat. Cethro had calmed down, and was lying with his head in Kay’s lap, his feet hanging over the armrest, thumbing through Sheckley and dozing intermittently.

Cassian watched Cethro struggle from wakefulness into sleep, and then back again. When he dozed off the next time, the book falling lightly onto his chest, Cassian shifted forward, sitting closer to Bodhi. Crossing his legs, he placed his elbows on his knees and folded his hands underneath his chin.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you something,” he said quietly to Bodhi.

Bodhi set his mug of tea on the coffee table and pulled his knees up against his chest, resting his chin on them. Strains of ‘Channel 1 Suite’ were audible from the stereo.

Cassian looked at Bodhi’s face and met his eyes. “I’m interviewing for a job back at Reuters.”

Cassian could read the shock and surprise written on Bodhi’s face. A hint of pride? And something else.

Bodhi grinned. “You’ve decided to go back.”

Cassian nodded. “Decided to try again. Nothing is set, because they might not accept me. Nonetheless, I do have an interview date for the 6th of January. And then I’ll see. Where I end up, where I go after that.”

“I’m glad that you decided to try again. For yourself. To see how it would work out.”

Cassian nodded again. “Who knows, right? Maybe the outcome will be completely different this time.”

Bodhi turned his head to the side, looking past Cassian’s shoulder. From this angle, he could almost meet Mon Mothma’s eyes. He sighed quietly, considering the dread he felt, a half-formed emotion with a reason he wasn’t willing to admit.

When he looked back into Cassian’s eyes, they were the same, warm and dark. Coals burning low in a hearth. Familiar.

“I think you’ll do fine on the interview,” he said.

Cassian laughed quietly, putting his face in his hands. “I think that’s what I’m afraid of.”

Bodhi carefully took Cassian’s hands away from his face. “If it helps, think about it this way: you have a lot more experience now, both with already having had a job there, and your MBA. You’ll know what to expect.”

Cassian looked at Bodhi, who was certainly right. Bodhi let go of his hands slowly, but didn’t break eye contact. Cassian thought of that moment on the couch, how many hours ago?

“Shit, the time!” Cassian whispered aloud. Bodhi hurriedly pulled out his phone.

It was past 2am.

Bodhi jumped up, and Cassian followed suit, walking over to the window as Bodhi gathered his things, and looked out. Then blinked, and looked out again.

There most definitely was a blizzard.

“Bodhi,” he began, calling him over. Bodhi joined him, looking out.

“Shit.”

Enough snow had fallen to completely bury the cars, and the roads weren’t being cleared at this time of night.

“Don’t take the car, please,” Cassian begged, staring at the street below, feeling panic begin to simmer up in the pit of his stomach. “It’s too dangerous.”

“Fuck,” Bodhi muttered, pulling out his phone again. He stopped, staring at the screen. “MotherFUCK!”

Cassian looked over his shoulder. A weather alert text read: _Blizzard watch and conditions. All New York City Subway lines closed from 1am-5am due to the hazardous weather. Please stay inside._

Bodhi pursed his lips, his breathing getting faster. “Fuck, how are we going to get home? Shit shit shit shitshitshit–”

Cassian placed a hand gently on Bodhi’s arm. “If you feel comfortable doing so, you can stay over. Cethro already made arrangements; he’s definitely staying over. We wouldn’t mind. I don’t think you could really get anywhere in this weather.”

Bodhi shook his head reluctantly. “I couldn’t ask that of you. I don’t have anything with me, and neither does Jyn.”

Cassian looked back out of the window. “You’re marooned here, at least for now. I’d recommend getting at least a bit of sleep until they open the subways back up at 5am and start clearing the roads. I promise, it’s completely alright. Jyn can have the couch, Cethro’s already staying in Kay’s room.” He looked at Bodhi. “You can sleep in mine. I’ll give you the bed. I can lend you some clothes, too, if you’d like. Use the shower, whatever. I think we might have an unopened toothbrush lying around.”

Cassian looked at Jyn's sleeping form on the couch, leaning on Kay's shoulder. "I wouldn't really advise moving her right now, either. Especially not in the snow."

Bodhi rubbed his eyes, grimacing. "I suppose you're right. But _I_ don't feel right, imposing myself here. If it weren't for Jyn...maybe I'd go alone–"

"Absolutely not," Cassian said categorically. "With or without Jyn. I am not letting you walk seventy blocks in a blizzard." He looked up at Bodhi, who was fidgeting with his phone. "You're a package deal. Guess we all are, at one point or another."

Bodhi looked down at his socked feet, shuffling his toes. "I'm incredibly sorry. I should have kept an eye on the time. And the weather. I absolutely hate being this– this inconvenience, and with Jyn and–"

Cassian stopped him gently. "Don't beat yourself up over it, please. But I don't want you to feel uncomfortable with this. I can drag out my pilates mat and put it by the couch if you'd rather–"

Bodhi shook his head. "It's alright. I'll be fine, I just– this is ill-timed."

"You're not an inconvenience."

Bodhi took a deep breath. “I– okay.” He looked back out of the window again, where the snow continued to fall heavily. “Thank you.”

Cassian looked at the couch, where Cethro, Jyn, and Kay were all asleep in a tangle of limbs. “I’ll wake Kay up after you shower, shoo him into his room with Cethro, to leave Jyn the couch. If Jyn doesn’t wake up, or most likely, won’t remember if we tell her now, I’ll still be waking up early, so there’s a good chance I’ll already be awake by the time she wakes up.”

Bodhi nodded. “Could you wake me up, too? Just, you know–”

“Of course,” Cassian said. “Here, then,” he motioned for Bodhi to follow him down the hallway.

  
  


Bodhi perched on Cassian’s desk chair as Cassian looked through his cabinets. Finally, he pulled out an ancient 1991 Cricket Club Ralph Lauren sweatshirt and some sweatpants, handing them to Bodhi.

“I’ll put on new bedsheets while you shower,” said Cassian as Bodhi took the clothes. “You can take the bed. I won’t mind sleeping on the floor.”

Bodhi started to protest. Cassian carted him off to the bathroom. As Bodhi stood, still protesting, Cassian rifled through the bathroom cabinets until he found an unopened toothbrush, which he handed to Bodhi.

“I’ll set the kettle to rinse it off. I suppose you can shower while you wait.” He handed Bodhi several clean towels, and pointed out the soap.

“Seriously, Cassian,” Bodhi began, “I’m really– this is– thank you so much.”

Cassian closed the door of the bathroom carefully, and went to set the kettle and change the sheets.

*

When Bodhi knocked on the doorjamb of his room, Cassian looked up.

Bodhi had loosened his hair from the braid he’d had all evening, and it hung over his shoulders. He was also swallowed up by the cricket club sweatshirt. At least the sweatpants seemed to fit.

“I’ve finished with the bed, and I’ve rinsed off the toothbrush,” said Cassian, as Bodhi looked for a place to put his neatly-folded pile of clothes.

“You can put them on the dresser,” he said, addressing the clothes, “and the toothbrush is in the kitchen.”

“Thank you,” Bodhi said quietly, leaving the clothes and going to get the toothbrush. Cassian hauled his pilates mat out of the closet.

Bodhi came back as Cassian was gathering his own clothes. Cassian could tell that he was assessing the bed. It was a single bed, made feasibly for only one person.

There was no possibility of sharing it.

Bodhi looked at it some more. “I mean, if you want–” he ventured.

Cassian shook his head, chuckling. “I promise, I’ll be fine on the floor. I definitely don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

Bodhi looked at Cassian. “I’d be fine with it.”

Cassian stilled, then rubbed his arm awkwardly. “I– I guess then it’s me that wouldn’t be fine with it. I– I mean, I wouldn’t want to, you know, or–”

Bodhi waved his hands, panicked. “No, no, I’m really sorry for overstepping. It’s– it’s fine. I just really don’t want you to be sleeping on the floor on my behalf.”

“I’ll be fine, I promise,” said Cassian. He started towards the door.

“Sorry, okay. I’ll go wake Kay, then. And Cethro. So if Jyn wakes up, I’ll tell her about what happened,” Bodhi said.

“Oh, wow. Thank you,” said Cassian, and stepped into the bathroom.

When he came back into his room, wearing an old New Hampshire shirt and sweats, Bodhi was sitting cross-legged on the bed.

“I shooed them to Kay’s bedroom,” Bodhi said. “Jyn didn’t wake up. I covered her with my sweater.”

Cassian settled on the pilates mat, amidst the makeshift nest of a throw blanket and a cushion from the loveseat. “My alarm goes off at 6:30. If you don’t hear it, I’ll wake you,” he said.

Bodhi nodded. “If you get cold,” he gestured at the bed. “Just wake me up. I’ll move over.”

“Alright,” Cassian said as Bodhi got the lights. “Thank you.”

  
  


Cassian jolted awake, breathing hard.

Nightmare.

He was wrapped haphazardly in the throw, legs tangled in the sheets. He unwrapped himself quickly, trying to steady his breathing.

He was freezing, covered in a cold sweat from the nightmare. And they’d cut off the heat.

Cassian squinted at the time on his phone. Just past 4am.

From the glow of his screen, Cassian could make out Bodhi’s sleeping form on the bed. Deep, quiet breaths. Asleep.

Cassian couldn’t stop shivering. The throw provided no comfort, and the loveseat cushion was scratchy. He was so tired, yet he couldn’t fall asleep.

He hated himself.

Staggering up, he shuffled towards the bed.

“Bodhi,” he whispered. Bodhi stirred, and after a few moments, slowly opened his eyes. He was an incredibly light sleeper.

“What’s wrong?” he whispered, reaching out in the dark.

“Nothing, sorry. I’m just–”

Bodhi’s hand found his own. He jolted up immediately. “You’re freezing,” he hissed, and moved aside quickly, lifting up the covers.

Uncertainly, Cassian sat at the edge of the bed.

“Here.” Bodhi moved flush against the wall, freeing up more than half of the bed for Cassian. Cassian lay down, and Bodhi tossed the blanket over him.

It was so incredibly warm. The spot on the bed that Bodhi had vacated was warm, too. Cassian started to doze off immediately.

“Give me your hands,” Bodhi commanded, and Cassian sluggishly turned onto his side and stretched his arms out towards Bodhi’s voice.

Bodhi’s hands caught his own, and he shifted around slightly. Cassian could barely see in the still, silent darkness through his half-closed eyes. Bodhi’s hands guided his own to warm fabric.

“Under,” said Bodhi, and turned onto his side with his back to Cassian. Cassian was too tired to think, and slipped his hands under the fabric. His fingers met with warm skin.

“That’s–” Cassian started, lifting his hands off.

“My lower back,” Bodhi clarified. “Splay your hands.”

Cassian did as he was told, moving his hands slightly upwards and shifting forward as Bodhi shifted backwards. He was starting to nod off again, and with the last of his efforts, half-delirious from sleep, leaned his head against the crook of Bodhi’s neck and pressed his cold nose against bare skin.

“Sleep,” Bodhi commanded, and Cassian did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated!


	15. mos espa arena band

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked Chapter Fourteen, you might also like:  
> some aspirin
> 
> Halfway to the end! Thanks for sticking around for so long!

Chapter Fifteen

Kay awoke, his alarm clock yelling. He’d forgotten to turn it off the night before.

There was a headache pulsing against his skull, and Cethro was curled up nearly on top of him.

He did not make a very good blanket. It was cold as _fuck_ in the apartment.

Very slowly, Kay wrenched his eyes open.

He was in his own bed, which was coincidentally made for only one person, with Cethro half on it and half on him.

How had he gotten to his own bed?

Cethro was still asleep, completely unbothered by the alarm. Just as well.

Kay struggled out from underneath Cethro, leaving him on the bed, and staggered over to his desk, where his alarm was situated. Next to it, Cethro had haphazardly dropped his glasses, his septum piercing, and his bracelets. At least he’d had the sense to do that.

6:15am. Even earlier than Cassian’s alarm. And Cassian hadn’t even had anything to drink.

As Kay reached to turn off the alarm, he tried to remember. The party; the game; the aftermath. He could recall his conversation with Jyn, more or less, and then dropping off.

So how had he gotten to his own bed?

Kay had a vague recollection of being gently shaken awake and herded off to bed by someone wearing Cassian’s clothes but with hair too long to be Cassian’s.

Bodhi.

How late had that been? Had he stayed over? Where was Jyn, who’d fallen asleep on the couch with him?

Kay left Cethro to doze and extricated himself quietly from his room. Cassian’s alarm wouldn’t go off in another ten minutes, and Kay was well aware that he’d most likely gone to bed much later than Kay had.

Kay crept first into the living room, or as much creeping as he could do with his head splitting open and his joints in the process of convincing him that his soul was trapped in the body of an eighty-year-old man.

Jyn was sleeping soundly on the loveseat, being short enough to lay down completely without her feet hanging over the side. She was covered haphazardly by the NASA sweater that Bodhi had been wearing last evening.

So where was Bodhi? Kay looked blearily around the living room, then rubbed his eyes. Dumbass. If Cethro was sharing a room with Kay, then the most logical inference would be that Bodhi was in Cassian’s room.

Still, as Kay made his way down the hallway, he kept looking around, as if he might trip on Bodhi’s prone form lying asleep in the middle of the hallway.

The door to Cassian’s room was partially open, the blinds on the window drawn. Kay pushed it open slightly.

“Cassian? Bodhi?” Kay whispered, as the door swung open.

Cassian was in his bed, sleeping on his side with his back to the door. Also very obviously in Cassian’s bed was Bodhi, likewise with his back turned to the door, the small of his back bared, and Cassian’s face in his hair.

Kay turned around very quickly and fled to the kitchen, as fast as his knees and the sleeping state of the rest of the household would allow it.

Over the sink, Kay was torn between groaning and laughing hysterically as he poured himself a glass of water and took an advil. After some consideration, he made it two.

Cassian’s alarm rang.

Kay rubbed his face with his hand, flinched, and rubbed it with his other one.

The alarm turned off almost immediately, and was followed by quiet talking.

Kay proceeded to make breakfast in the loudest possible manner.

After several minutes, a Cassian that looked rather worse for wear emerged from his room and appeared in the kitchen. Kay kept his mouth shut.

“Morning, Kay,” said Cassian, reaching up to the medicine cabinet above this sink and pulling out the bottle of fluoxetine pills. “Is Cethro still asleep?”

Kay considered several sarcastic remarks before deciding on the nonchalant one. “Yeah.” He stirred the scrambled eggs and sausages. He was heating for five.

Cassian noticed. “Bodhi and Jyn stayed over because of the blizzard. It was completely unexpected, and by the time we’d realized the severity of the weather, it was too dangerous for Bodhi to take the car. The subways were shut down from 1-5am. They didn’t really have anywhere else to go.”

Kay blinked. The blizzard?

“I left Jyn on the couch because, you know, she fell asleep there,” Cassian continued, oblivious to Kay’s telepathic questioning, “Bodhi somehow managed to get you and Cethro to move into your own bedroom for the night, though how, I’m still not sure.” Cassian rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, and well, obviously, he stayed in my room.”

“And that’s it?” Kay asked innocuously, stirring the scrambled eggs for the thirtieth time.

“I mean, yeah, that’s really it,” said Cassian. He yawned. “Rough night. They turned off the heat, and –”

Cassian looked up in time to see Kay swallow his smirk. Cassian’s mouth dropped open in realization.

“Absolutely not, Kay!” Cassian hissed, as Kay danced away. “There was absolutely nothing! We did not –”

“Good morning, Kay,” said Bodhi, rounding the corner into the kitchen. Kay hastily relinquished his post by the breakfast skillet. Bodhi’s face was still damp from brushing his teeth, and his hair hung loose to his waist, tucked behind his ears.

“I’ll wake Jyn,” Bodhi said quietly, as Cassian set five plates out onto the table. “Thank you for the breakfast. We’ll be going in less than an hour.”

“Take your time,” Cassian reassured. “No rush.”

“I’d love to stay,” Bodhi said earnestly, “but Chirrut and Baze are coming back from Vancouver today, and I promised to pick them up at the airport, so I have to be there by 3pm.”

Cassian nodded in understanding. “I hope the flight wasn’t affected by the blizzard.”

Bodhi paled.

“That could easily be checked,” Kay said quickly. “If you know their flight information, I’m sure one, if not both, of the airports will provide a live status update of the flight. Here. I’ll get my laptop for it.” Kay vanished down the hall and into his room, deserting the breakfast skillet completely.

Cassian doled out portions into each of the five plates. Bodhi, abandoning fidgeting in one spot, went to wake Jyn.

Jyn roused as Kay returned with the laptop. She got up surprisingly easily, and excused herself to rinse out her mouth. Kay was impressed with her alcohol tolerance.

Bodhi quickly inputted the flight information as they waited for Jyn and Cethro to join them. A jovial banner on the website announced that while the flight had been delayed for close to three hours, that it had proceeded to New York anyway, and was scheduled for arrival at 4:30pm.

Bodhi relaxed tremendously, and Jyn joined them for breakfast. Cethro was still asleep, and his portion of the breakfast was returned to the skillet to be kept warm.

Jyn looked wearily at her plate. Kay, feeling no better, cheerily offered her advil. Grudgingly, she accepted.

  
  


“Thank you so much for letting us stay over,” Bodhi said as they cleared away the plates.

“Please don’t worry about it,” said Cassian, sudsing the dishes. “It was absolutely no trouble.”

Bodhi grinned. “And I learned something new too; you have perpetually cold hands.”

Kay groaned, squeezing his eyes tightly shut.

*

Bodhi donned his jacket and pulled on his snowboots, as Jyn shrugged on her own coat and tugged on her shoes. Roads had begun being cleared at around 9am, so Bodhi and Jyn were setting out.

Leaning against the counter, Kay watched Bodhi wrap the scarf that Cassian had knit him around his neck, tying it high to hide his small smile.

Cassian unlocked the front door and opened it for them. “It’s Christmas Eve,” he said.

“Yeah,” Jyn said, as Bodhi looked at his shoes. “We’ll call for Christmas.”

She grinned up at Cassian. “I remember the rule,” she said, standing on her toes and kissing Cassian’s cheek.

“Merry Christmas, Cassian; Kay.”

Bodhi smiled that same slight smile, walking forward until he and Cassian were standing face to face. Gently, he leaned forward and kissed the corner of Cassian’s mouth.

“Merry Christmas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I find the time, I'm most definitely sketching out That Scene. The biggest hurdle is the when. While I look, if anyone wants to tag me in anything CaBRRaE-related, I'd be floored. I track the CaBRRaE tag on tumblr.
> 
> Comments are always greatly appreciated!


	16. roll of the die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone leaving comments on my work! Reading them is an incredible motivator for me to continue putting out my work, and I really appreciate it!
> 
> This chapter jumps in point of view from Kay to Cassian midway through, which is something I realized only after finishing it, and have been unable to rewrite it in a way that is satisfactory. It doesn't particularly detract from the chapter, and is probably not something you'll notice right away.
> 
> Thanks for sticking around! The second half of the work is now in session! Would like to extend my thanks again to my wonderful beta reader, Ameth.

Chapter Sixteen

Kay was perched on the bookshelf by the stereo, setting up his laptop for the live feed of the ball-drop at Times Square. Cassian was curled up on the loveseat, a glass of champagne in his left hand, and was staring at it dismally. Björk’s _Debut_ album was wailing quietly through the speaker system.

The mood was rather off-putting.

Kay set his laptop down in his place on the bookshelf, next to his champagne flute. The live feed was working with small interjections of lag. Kay turned down the volume of both the feed and the lamentation on the stereo, and climbed onto the loveseat next to Cassian.

They sat in silence for a while, Kay waiting patiently for Cassian to speak first.

“I– sorry, Kay,” Cassian said finally. “I should try harder, especially for tonight.”

“You’re under no obligation,” Kay responded. “A quiet night is completely fine by me.”

Cassian shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. I just got… anxious. Over the interview.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Now’s really not the time to think about it.”

Kay crossed his legs on the couch. “What bothers you most about it?”

Cassian laughed sardonically. “Don’t pull that psychoanalyst bullshit on me, Kay. But,” he sighed, “I guess just because I’ve forgotten what to expect.”

Kay sat, quiet. “What’s going on?” The question had a much more concise undercurrent, but Kay did not voice that particular out loud.

Cassian seemed to shrink in on himself, the loveseat slowly folding in around him. “I’m– I want to sort out my life first.” He rubbed his face with the back of his hand. “I know I can’t do everything at once, and I won’t be able to do everything I want to. But this is the beginning, and if I fuck it up now–”

“Cassian,” Kay stopped him. “This singular interview won’t decide your fate. It shouldn’t limit your options, and neither should one company in general.”

Cassian looked at Kay miserably. “But I’ve already told him about it,” he said quietly.

Kay searched Cassian’s face. “This is about the conversation with Jyn, isn’t it? Even before the party.”

Cassian turned his head away towards the wall and looked at Mon Mothma. She averted her eyes.

“You are not worth nothing simply because of things that happened in the past and were out of your control. You are not undermined by them, nor are your past achievements. Do not forget where you’ve succeeded, and do not think that you are overshadowed by your mental health. Your perseverance makes you stronger. I can tell you this many times, but it is important that you realize it for yourself.”

Cassian tucked his hair behind his ear, away from his face. “I’m afraid it may take a long time,” he said finally.

“As long as it takes, for the person to realize it to be you,” Kay replied.

There was a wave of static from the laptop speakers. _5 minutes_ , the countdown flashed across the screen, haloed in confetti and accompanied by the excited shrieks from the half-frozen crowd at Times Square.

Cassian took his phone out of his back pocket and stared at the dark screen. “Facetime?”

“Go for it.”

  
  


The call was answered on the third ring, and Bodhi’s face swam into focus, followed by his surroundings. He was sitting at a dining table, small plates of food laid out, with Jyn, Chirrut, and Baze. Cassian recognized the second-floor sitting room. He could also hear the television in their room, the newscaster ecstatic and announcing the three-minute countdown.

Jyn and Baze waved, while Chirrut smiled and said, “Good evening, Cassian; Kay.”

Kay moved into the frame and raised his hand in greeting.

“What have you been doing, in the last moments of the year?” Jyn asked as Bodhi panned the camera.

Cassian winced internally. “Stressing, I suppose.”

“That makes two of us,” Baze said good-naturally, and everyone chuckled.

_Two minutes!_

“I hope that I’m not pulling you away from anything important,” said Cassian. “I mean– family dinner–”

“Quite alright,” said Chirrut, waving him off. “And who are you, if not family?”

_60 seconds!_

Cassian was momentarily shocked into silence. The connection went out, then slowly reappeared again. Bodhi had leaned his phone against something on the table, so that he, Jyn, Chirrut, and Baze were all visible in the camera, angled from below.

_10…_

“Any wishes for the new year?” Chirrut asked. “Make them now.”

_9…_

Cassian closed his eyes. What did he want?

_8…_

Bodhi was looking at him. _Maybe_ at him – it was hard to tell through the camera.

_7…_

Jyn and Kay were shouting along with the broadcaster. Along with the people in the square.

_6…_

Baze joined them.

_5…_

Cassian thought about his wish.

_4…_

People on the street outside were yelling too.

_3…_

Cassian joined in on the countdown. So did Bodhi.

_2…_

If Cassian Andor had to tell the story of how he fell in love with Bodhi Rook, he’d start here. It was not the beginning, but the story did not have a beginning. This was simply the realization.

_1…_

If Bodhi Rook had to tell the story of how he fell in love with Cassian Andor, he’d start with the day Kay Tuesso walked through the door of his father’s restaurant. This was not the beginning either. The beginning came later. But this had been how it had started.

_HAPPY NEW YEAR_

Maybe the wish came true, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a whole fourteen other chapters yet to come!
> 
> Comments are loved and greatly appreciated!


	17. street singer

Chapter Seventeen

Kay revved the scooter as he and Cassian made their way up the hill to the restaurant the following Monday. January always entailed a state of perpetual snow, sleet, and gray slush in New York, all stuck in a vicious cycle that repeated once a week or so.

The melting, dirty snow made travel, especially by something as unstable as a Vespa, precarious and potentially hazardous. Thankfully, there weren’t many cars out on the street for that same reason.

Kay parked, and Cassian hopped off, climbing carefully over the snowdrift on the curb. Because of the blizzard, Chirrut and Baze had kept the restaurant closed for another week after Christmas, due to a lack of shipments of fresh produce, so it was Kay’s first day back after the long break.

Classes had started up again, bringing with them the reminder of midterm exams. Kay tended to gripe about them rather frequently. To be fair, Cassian also did his share of griping.

Cassian stood by the door, stamping his feet to shake the snow off and prevent himself from treading it into the restaurant. Kay did the same.

The restaurant door opened, and Jyn leaned out. “Hey, you. We got a mat.”

Kay stepped inside, followed by Cassian, wiping his feet industriously on the welcome mat. Kay shrugged off his heavy jacket as Cassian deposited his messenger bag on the bench and took off his parka.

Bodhi brought out a tray of hot tea, and smiled when he saw Cassian’s bag. “I’m glad you’re staying,” he said.

“Who knows,” said Cassian, wiggling his eyebrows. “Might just stay forever.”

“I wouldn’t mind,” said Bodhi, disappearing into the kitchen.

Jyn brought out steaming plates of what looked like peppers stuffed with rice, setting them down around the table as Cassian and Kay sat down.

“Dolma,” said Chirrut, appearing in the kitchen doorway, followed by Baze. They made their way over to the tables and seated themselves. “Bell peppers stuffed with minced meat. You can eat the skin of the pepper, too. They’re very good with sour cream.”

Bodhi joined them at the table, and Cassian got up to let him through.

“You can sit,” Bodhi reproached as he slid in. “I’d be able to climb in.”

Chirrut scoffed, pointing at Bodhi with the handle of his spoon. “I may not be able to see, but I’m not stupid.”

Bodhi’s face flushed darker as Jyn laughed from the kitchen.

“You’re one to talk,” Cassian retorted, addressing Jyn as she reappeared in the doorway. “How are you, anyway?”

Jyn adopted a small smile and a faraway look. “I’m doing great,” she said, glancing back, still smiling. “Leia’s roping me into various activism and awareness movements. I enjoy reading up on them in my free time. They’re incredibly worthwhile.”

“What is she planning next?” Kay asked.

Jyn considered. “Well, there’s a march for women’s rights coming up in March.”

“What’s the premise?” Cassian asked.

“Awareness of discrimination, such as unequal opportunities, as well as highlighting the precarious conditions of women in different countries,” Jyn supplied, gathering up her pepper and chewing it thoughtfully. “Literally anyone can come.”

The occupants of the table unanimously agreed to be there.

*

Cassian followed Bodhi up the stairs to the third floor, Kay gone on his first run of the evening. As Cassian situated himself on the couch, snowboots left by the doorway, Bodhi brought out a bundle of blueprints.

“Over the break, I managed to get through a fair amount of research regarding the prostheses,” he said, sitting himself on the couch next to Cassian. “I actually managed to finish drafting a liver prosthetic, which was the hardest one insofar. It involves the addition of stem cells for partial regeneration.”

Cassian set aside his laptop and reports to look at the blueprints that Bodhi handed him. Their intricacies never ceased to amaze him. He fiddled with the locks of his hair that kept falling out from behind his ears as he flipped through the blueprints.

Bodhi watched Cassian look over them, watched as Cassian reached his hand and tucked that stray lock of hair behind his ear from time to time.

He watched as Cassian, absorbed in a cross-section, forgot about that lock of hair in favor of looking closely at the blueprint.

Hesitantly, he reached out and slowly tucked that lock of hair behind Cassian’s ear.

Cassian looked up. Bodhi’s hand remained where it was, inches away from his face, now that his head was turned towards Bodhi.

Carefully, Cassian laid the blueprints aside, and without a word lowered his head onto Bodhi’s lap.

An invitation.

Bodhi ran his fingers through Cassian’s hair. It was silky and soft, and Bodhi put in his best efforts to painlessly untangle any knots that his fingers found while roaming through Cassian’s hair. Cassian closed his eyes.

Work forgotten, Bodhi sat with his fingers in Cassian’s hair as Cassian dozed. So what if his legs were falling asleep?

*

“I was under the impression that you came here to do work,” Kay said sardonically.

Cassian’s eyes flew open. He was lying on the couch, his head in Bodhi’s lap, his laptop discarded. He’d fallen asleep.

By the looks of it, Bodhi had fallen asleep too, his head leaned back against the back of the couch. He was startled awake by Cassian’s involuntary jolt.

Kay rolled his eyes. “Final delivery’s done. You can come downstairs, Cassian.” Kay’s slow footsteps receded down the stairs.

Cassian looked up at Bodhi, who was, in turn, looking down at him. His hair was loose, curtaining both of their faces.

Cassian reached a hand up to cup Bodhi’s face. Reflexively, Bodhi leaned down. It would be so easy now, to just tilt his face up and close the –

“I’d rather get home before midnight,” Kay said, reappearing in the doorway. Bodhi jerked his head up, surprised, tickling Cassian’s face with his hair. Cassian rubbed his nose.

“Hey, Kay,” Bodhi called blithely after Kay, not one to be easily discomfited. “Is Cassian a good kisser?”

There was a creaking sound as Kay misstepped on the stairs. Cassian started up in laughter, lifting his head off Bodhi’s lap. Bodhi took the chance to spring up and hurry to the staircase, leaning against the doorframe, and shouted down:

“Or, even better! Is he good in–”

“Shut–” Kay yelled back up, as Cassian struggled up from the couch, collecting his things and still laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are loved and appreciated!


	18. rebels at bay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone leaving wonderful comments!

Chapter Eighteen

The Tuesday after midterms had passed, Cassian took the Vespa to the restaurant alone. The weather had experienced a sudden shift towards warmth, something rather unsettling in the month of February.

Cassian parked the scooter between the two cars in front of the restaurant. He'd taken his messenger bag and laptop out of habit, but he didn't really have anything to do yet, now that midterms were over; a short grace period between larger assignments.

The sign on the door still hung as Open, and there were a few customers still in the restaurant. From what Cassian could tell with the amount of times he'd been over, they weren't regulars.

He opened the door quietly and slunk in.

Bodhi was waiting on the two customers at the table for two by the window. He smiled at Cassian as Cassian slipped in. "Hey," he said, setting out entrées of fried rice and calamari. "You're earlier than usual."

"I mean, I can come back later if you're busy and don't want distractions," Cassian said quickly.

Bodhi asserted that the meals of the two customers were in order before heading over to Cassian. "No, no," he said quickly, "you can hang around. You're not being a bother." He lowered his voice. "They aren't regulars, so they might end up staying past 4pm. I'll have to wait on them. If that doesn't bother you—"

"Of course not, no," said Cassian quickly. "Was just worried you were busy."

"Not at all," said Bodhi. "You can sit down. Jyn can bring the food over."

Cassian slung his bag off of his shoulder and set it down on the bench before vanishing into the doorway to hang up his coat. The weather was too warm for a parka, so he'd settled for a light jacket. Underneath, he was wearing a denim blazer over a red flannel shirt. His hair was growing out, already past his chin and nearly reaching his shoulders, desperately in need of a trim.

As he came back into the main room, Jyn appeared from the kitchen. She waved a hello, and helped him move the two tables together. As Cassian slid into his seat, Bodhi returned from the kitchen and joined him, sitting across from Cassian.

Jyn brought out plates of vaguely spherical lumps seasoned with basil, artfully swimming in tomato sauce, as well as small bowls of rice.

"Kofta," Bodhi explained. "Meatballs with spices."

Jyn brought out the drink tray, setting tea in front of Cassian and Bodhi, and sparkling water for herself. She slid into the seat on Cassian's left, elbowing him over slightly.

"Share my brother, please," she said, grinning slyly.

"How were your exams?" Bodhi asked, as Chirrut and Baze joined them.

"Better now that they're over," Cassian sighed. "But I think they went better than expected. You?"

Bodhi nodded. "About the same. Though because most of the classes I'm taking now pertain to my major's dissertation, I found this year's exams more manageable. Greater knowledge of the material, I guess."

They started eating. The kofta was well-cooked, and the tomato sauce was savory.

Bodhi looked up as Cassian lifted another meatball out of the large bowl and let it join his rice and set down his chopsticks. "Do you have anything particular to do this evening?" he asked.

Before Cassian could reply, the two customers by the window gestured for the check. Hurriedly, Bodhi excused himself to deliver it and collect the dishes.

Jyn turned to Cassian. "Have you ever tried baklava?"

Cassian had a sudden flashback to a vague memory of eating something akin to that at a shady bar in Queens, back when he'd first gotten discharged. He'd also gotten blackout drunk and fallen asleep at a table. The owner had taken pity and let him stay until nearly 4 in the morning, where he'd gently woken him up and sent him home on a taxi. It was safe to say he hadn't gone back to that bar.

"Not the real thing, I don't think," he supplied.

"We have some for dessert," Jyn said. "Would you like to try it? I think it would go well with your milk tea."

"Sure," Cassian consented, and Jyn disappeared into the kitchen momentarily, coming back with a tray of small confections.

"Layered dough with shredded peanuts and honey," Bodhi supplied, joining them again. The two customers were donning their coats, getting ready to leave.

"Not particularly," Cassian said, addressing Bodhi's earlier question, “Nothing in particular that needs to be done. There's always work that needs to be done, but nothing pressing."

Bodhi nodded. "Me neither, because of midterms and all." He leaned forward, propping his elbows up on the table. "Would you like to go for a walk, then? I mean, I still have the afternoon off, and seeing that we don't really have anything to do. If Jyn's alright with it, because I should stay around and help with the restaurant. We could go to the park, walk around the reservoir. The weather's so nice."

"Hey, I'm right here," Jyn huffed. "Might as well not have told me that you could stay around and help if you're not going to." She wrinkled her nose at him. "But," she said, with a glance at Cassian, "I'll manage."

Cassian tried the baklava. It was very sweet, and the milk tea went nicely with it.

Bodhi carried away the empty plates. Cassian went through the doorway to get his jacket. Bodhi reappeared by the hooks, reaching to untie his apron.

"Should I take my bag with me?" Cassian asked hesitantly.

Bodhi stopped tugging at the back of his apron and shook his head. "You don't have to. I can bring it upstairs, if you'd like."

"Oh, thank you," Cassian said, and unslung the back from his shoulder.

"I'll be right down," Bodhi said, quickly climbing the stairs.

Cassian went back into the main room, and moved the tables back apart with Jyn. "You owe me one," she said gleefully.

"Actually, no," Cassian replied just as smugly. "I distinctly remember someone getting _completely_ shitfaced and falling asleep on the couch, where they subsequently stayed the entire night. So we're even."

Jyn stuck out her tongue.

Bodhi clattered back down the stairs as Jyn went to flip the sign.

"Cassian, could you come over for a second?" Bodhi asked from the doorway. Cassian made his way over. "Knot in the back," Bodhi explained, gesturing to the back of the apron. "I'd do it myself, but it would take longer. Could you—"

"Sure," Cassian said quickly, his fingers finding the knot. The dim lighting in the doorway made it hard to make out the knot in the dark fabric. Prying his fingers into the crevices, Cassian managed to coax the knot out and unravel it.

Bodhi was incredibly close, and the doorway was dark.

"Thank you," Bodhi said quickly, slipping off his hairnet, tucking it into an apron pocket and pulling the apron over his head. Bodhi's hair unraveled, falling in a wave to his waist. Bodhi reached for his jacket across Cassian.

"Sorry," said Cassian, remembering himself and moving aside.

"It's fine," Bodhi said, pulling on his jacket. He took the scarf that Cassian had given him for Christmas off of a nearby hook and tied it around his neck.

"Ready?"

Cassian nodded, and Bodhi led the way out the door.

  
  


Outside, the sun had broken through the clouds, shining sparsely but providing warmth. Cassian followed Bodhi across several avenues, looking around the neighborhood. Piles of dirty snow were still melting at the curbs.

"Have you lived here a long time?" Cassian asked, looking around.

Bodhi thought for a bit. "In New York City, yes, but not in this neighborhood. Chirrut adopted me back when I was very small, but we used to live in Brooklyn. We moved here after Chirrut and Baze got married. Dad had to move his business, but it was closer to both mine and Jyn's universities. Plus, the neighborhood is pretty good for business."

They came into view of the park. "And you?" Bodhi asked, as they made their way into the park, searching for a path up to the reservoir.

"My parents and I moved here back when I was in grade school. I met Kay when I transferred middle schools. We went to different highschools, which is probably why I never saw you, but he hung around at our house a lot.”

Cassian toed a dirty snowball along the road. “He didn't have anywhere else to be."

They found the path up to the reservoir. Cassian shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. "Then, after—" he swallowed. "After highschool, I enlisted, and Kay went with me. We served abroad for three years. Came back four years ago. Strange to say it, but I don't feel like I've acclimated very well after coming back."

They walked in silence for some time, side by side. Cassian looked across the expanse of water, to the West Side and beyond. "One loop?"

Bodhi nodded. Lengthening his stride slightly to match Cassian's, he tucked his arm into the crook of Cassian's elbow, pulling him closer. Cassian didn't pull away. They walked in tandem, looking across the water. Part of the reservoir was still frozen, but part of it was beginning to thaw.

"With the first semester being over," Bodhi began, "have they handed out the schedule and calendar for the rest of the year?"

Cassian nodded.

"Have they established your graduation date?" Bodhi asked, breaking into a smile.

"Completely forgot about that," Cassian confessed. A jogger made their rounds, passing them. "They've finalized the date to May 14th."

Bodhi grinned again. "That works out! Ours was finalized for May 15th, and I'm to present my keynote May 23rd."

"I'm glad that I'll be able to make it to your keynote," Cassian said. "That the dates don't conflict."

Bodhi nodded. "I'm glad, too. That way I can go to your and Kay's graduation."

"You don't have to," Cassian laughed. "It's nothing eventful."

Bodhi shrugged. "It'll be interesting. You'll be wearing the hat."

Cassian rolled his eyes. "You'll get your own hat."

Bodhi leaned his head against Cassian's shoulder as they walked. "I just think it would be nice."

Cassian looked over. "Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep these dates in mind...
> 
> The past couple of chapters have been interactions, nothing really major plot-wise.  
> Hence,  
> There's a storm coming.


	19. desert winds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my two favorite chapters. The other one is the next chapter.

Chapter Nineteen

Bodhi glanced at his phone as he prepared the restaurant on his morning shift on Saturday. Fussed around, then glanced again.

Hesitantly, he typed out a text.

_hey_  
_you doing anything today?_  
_I have the afternoon free_

There was no immediate reply. After glancing at his phone several times within the span of two minutes, he put it aside and went back into the kitchen.

  
  


He caught a break about halfway through his shift, nearing 12pm. Retrieving his phone from the shelf by the punchcard machine, he saw several texts light up his lockscreen.

**no, not really**  
**got anything in mind?**

Bodhi bit his lip to keep from grinning.

_I have the afternoon off, and not that much work  
want to go somewhere?_

****

He waited for the reply, tapping his foot anxiously. Every few seconds, he shot a glance back into the main room, but it was barely the afternoon, and business was slow.

The three dots lit up, followed by the gray message bubble.

**sure**  
**anywhere specific?**  
**the weather’s kindof shitty**  


Bodhi scoffed quietly.

_:((((( it’s just cloudy_

**and cold**  
**and windy**  


****

****

Bodhi paused. Unfortunately, he had the worst place to go in the worst weather.

_coney island?_

*

The train car swayed rhythmically, making its way through the train depot en route to Stillwell Avenue. Bodhi sat alone in the car. There seemed not to be too many people with a burning desire to take a stroll along the boardwalk in the middle of February. That was understandable.

He and Cassian had agreed that it would be easier and require less coordination if they simply met up at the Coney Island station, instead of waiting around for each other and wasting metrocard fares. Cassian had texted him about 20 minutes prior to let him know that he’d arrived. Bodhi’s train had been delayed, so he was running late.

He didn’t have a particular reason for wanting to go to Coney Island. He hadn’t been there in ages, yet had spent many of his weekends there in his childhood walking along the boardwalk and looking through the fences at the amusement park rides. He’d been to the aquarium enough times to still remember the layout of the halls.

Letting out a colossal screech, the Q train pulled into the station. Bodhi wound his scarf around his neck and got up, heading towards the door. With a rattle, the doors opened, releasing him onto the platform.

A very sparse amount of people got off the train, dispersing fairly quickly. Through the small crowd, Bodhi could make out Cassian, sitting on a bench farther down the platform, reading. Bodhi made his way over.

Cassian was sitting, tucked into himself, reading _Deathworld_. Bodhi looked over his shoulder.  
_"No, they're not," Jason insisted. "Consider for a second. When you are away for any length of time from this planet, you must take a refresher course. To see how things have changed for the worse while you were gone. Well, that's a linear progression. If things get worse when you extend into the future, then they have to get better if you extend into the past. It is also good theory—though I don't know if the facts will bear me out—to say that if you extend it far enough into the past you will reach a time when mankind and Pyrrus were not at war with each other."_

“Hey,” Bodhi said softly.

Cassian started slightly, but turned around with a smile on his face. “Hey, Bodhi.”

He closed the book, tucked it into an inside pocket of his aviator jacket, and got up from the bench. Bodhi walked around the bench and joined him.

“Any place in particular you want to go?” Cassian asked as they made their way down the ramp into the main terminal.

“Not really,” Bodhi confessed. They crossed the main hall, and Bodhi turned his head to look at the glass murals in the terminal wall. They’d changed since the last time he’d been there. He was sure of it.

They clicked through the turnstiles and walked down the low-ceilinged tunnel towards the exit. It was lined with small shops, most of them closed in the off-season. Dunkin Donuts emit a fluorescent glow through its glass wall partitions. It had been there ever since Bodhi remembered coming to Coney Island.

Out of the station, they stopped at the corner of Surf Avenue, waiting for the light. “A walk, then, along the boardwalk?” Cassian suggested, as the light turned green.

“Sounds lovely,” Bodhi assented as they crossed. There were barely any cars, much less any people around.

The tall grass in the lots beyond the chainlink fence rustled in the wind.

Their pace was brisk because of the chill, but conversational.

“I was working on gene reactivation,” Bodhi said as they made their way up the wooden ramp onto the boardwalk. “More of a side project, since I’m mostly finished with my master’s dissertation. Analyzing asteroidea and their genetic capabilities. Seeing if that could be simulated in humans.”

“What about them are you looking for?” Cassian asked.

“So, say, you’ve lost a limb,” Bodhi suggested, then cringed inwardly.

“I’m sure Kay could relate,” said Cassian in good humor.

“Yes, well, that’s actually kind of the point,” Bodhi said with a breathy laugh. “Say, you lose an arm or a leg. Your body doesn’t let you regrow that limb. It’s no longer capable of doing that. But why? You have the gene for the development of two arms and two legs in you already; you’ve used it as an embryo to develop appendages. This gene is dormant, however, because you can’t keep on growing arms and legs. You wouldn’t need them, and the energy expenditure, aside from the obvious inconvenience, would be unsustainable.

“But what if,” Bodhi continued, as they made their way along the boardwalk, walking along the rows of benches and wading occasionally over small mounds of sand, “you could reactivate that gene if you lost a limb. Your body could, theoretically, then start divesting energy and growing that new limb.”

Bodhi burrowed his hands in the pockets of his varsity jacket. “Of course, it’s still highly impractical, given that the limb would age at the same rate as the rest of your body, so you’d have an age difference, so to speak, in your body parts.

“But, it is an interesting concept, especially because asteroidea – starfish – can regrow their entire bodies from a single severed appendage, and vica versa.”

“That’s incredibly impressive,” Cassian assented.

“Of course, asteroidea aren’t the only species that can do something like this. For example, most lizards – they can regrow their tails. But why only their tails?” Bodhi chuckled. “For this reason, I stuck to researching sea stars for the moment.”

They had cleared the initial line of various restaurant establishments, and were now walking along the fences that separated them from the amusement parks.

Bodhi stopped at the fence before Deno’s Wonder Wheel Amusement Park, looking through. Cassian paused alongside him.

“I used to come here so much,” Bodhi said, almost to himself. “Never went in, but always looked in.” He turned away, facing Cassian, and leaned against the fence. “Some of my warmest memories are associated with this place.” He dropped his gaze down to his shoes. “Guess I just wanted to take you here, share something small about me.”

Cassian looked over Bodhi’s shoulder, through the fence. After a moment, he met Bodhi’s eyes. ”Thank you.”

  
  


They took up walking again, passing an F-Q train stop and the aquarium. The sound of waves rolling against the sand was audible across the beach.

Cassian looked out towards the ocean. “Do you ever...think about the past? Every moment that goes by, how you can never go back? The memories that you have, that they were once bright and alive and happening before your eyes?”

Bodhi watched his shoes skip over boardwalk boards. “Not that much, I think. Sometimes. I guess I don’t like the past more than I like the future."

They stopped and stood in silence for a while.

“What about you?” Bodhi looked over at Cassian.

“I don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Deathworld_ is by Harry Harrison, and you can read it online for free through Project Gutenberg. 
> 
> Limb regeneration is actually _also_ something that has been successfully done before, with a frog's leg. Frogs are not amphibians naturally inclined towards complete limb regeneration, yet scientists have been able to regenerate a frog leg through bioelectric shocks and a mix of stem cells and proteins. You can read more about this with Doctor Dany Spencer Adams. On the previous note on organ regeneration and artificial prostheses, you can research the work of Doctor Doris Taylor and Jonathan Butcher.


	20. battle of the heroes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for use of the f-slur and some Russian expletives.

Chapter Twenty

Bodhi leaned against the boardwalk rail, looking out at the surf. Cassian was standing next to him, the wind shifting his hair. They looked out at the ocean. Above them, the sky was tumultuous, but did not yet threaten rain.

Bodhi looked over at Cassian. His eyes were gazing beyond the horizon, and Bodhi felt that if he turned that gaze on him, Cassian would look right through him, and he’d dissolve.

“Want to go down onto the sand?” he asked quietly. Cassian turned his head to look at Bodhi, and Bodhi was right. His eyes were chilling, yet at the same time filled with much the same warmth as they’d been at the Christmas party, and seemed to reflect the depths of the ocean that they had been hypnotizing.

“Socks off?” Cassian asked in return, the corners of his eyes turning up, framing the abyss inside them.

“Why not,” Bodhi replied, breaking into a smile of his own. “But it’s on you if I get sick.”

“Hey, I’m not your conscience,” Cassian protested, perching on a bench and slipping off his tennis shoes and socks. Bodhi waited by the stairs from the boardwalk, and leaned against the rail to take his own shoes off.

Cassian got up and joined him, his shoes in one hand, and laced his right arm through Bodhi’s. He stepped onto the sand first, and, yelling from the chill, pulled a protesting Bodhi down onto the sand with him, who toppled onto Cassian in an attempt to avoid contact with the sand for as long as possible.

Bodhi felt something collide with his legs, and then a shout. He righted himself, supported by Cassian, still laughing, and saw a little girl who’d apparently run into them, not looking where she was going. Looking around, Bodhi spotted the girl’s mother, a while away and hurrying towards them, as well as the girl’s pursuer, another small child in a blue jacket a little ways beyond the mother.

The girl was clothed haphazardly in bright blue leggings, a frilly skirt, and a puffy pink down jacket. Her brown hair was pulled into two braids. She was looking intently at them, so much that it made Bodhi somehow _more _uncomfortable than Cassian’s stare, with his soul reflected in his eyes.__

____

The girl panted to catch her breath, still looking at them. Examining them, as if she somehow saw something more beneath the surface, beyond reality.

“А могут–”

Pause. She seemed to reconsider her question.

“Are you friends?”

Bodhi didn’t miss a beat. “Yes.” Behind him, Cassian answered the same almost simultaneously.

“Are you... best friends?”

“Sure,” said Cassian.

“Oh, like my best friend Maria and me.” She raised her arm, pointing to her blue-jacketed pursuer. “I didn’t know adults could be friends.”

“What’s stopping them?” Bodhi asked, crouching down to her eye level.

“I always thought they had to get married,” the girl admitted, and turned to watch with interest as her mother bore down on the three of them full-throttle. She was still rather far away, and whatever she was shouting was lost in the wind. “That’s what my mom did.”

“Best friends get married sometimes,” Bodhi offered. “Maybe that’s why.”

“А...Can two men… they can…. like-like each other? Can you get married?”

Bodhi looked wildly at Cassian, who wore a similar expression. That was a jump. What else could he say?

“Yes?” Bodhi offered hesitantly.

The girl looked up at him, then behind him, at Cassian. She did not bat an eye when uttering the next phrase.

“I think that’s...” she paused, searching for the right word. Bodhi had a sudden, awful feeling that constricted his throat and made him nauseous.

“Weird,” she finished, expression unchanged, unbothered by her exclamation. Bodhi stood, shocked, unable to move. Feeling like he’d been rooted into the sand and would remain there for eons to come, a monument to the loss of hope.

“Wrong,” she added, as if to clarify what she meant. “That’s what my mom says.”

Cassian did not relinquish his arm from the crook of Bodhi’s elbow, instead trying in vain to pull Bodhi from the spot, away, towards the surf.

It was too late.

“София! София, отойди от них немедленно! София, ты вообще слышишь что я тебе говорю?”

The mother ran up and physically yanked her daughter away from Bodhi and Cassian’s vicinity. As if they posed a threat.

The child that had chased the girl was gone, herded away by her own protective parents. Out of sight.

The mother’s eyes spit fire, and Bodhi had the misfortune of catching them. They seethed with something akin to rage, disgust, and contempt as she shoved her daughter away. Bodhi felt his face grow hot with shame he hadn’t felt in a long time, as if there was something– something wrong, something inherently–

“Пошли на хуй, faggots,” said the mother vehemently, covering her daughter’s ears, pulling her up the stairs hurriedly and towing her away along the boardwalk.

Bodhi’s hands were shaking.

He tried to look down, at his bare feet, at something other than the way that the woman had gone, to keep the tears from spilling.

Cassian was kneeling in front of him, his shoes on the sand, discarded. He cradled Bodhi’s face in his hands.

“Bodhi? Bodhi?”

Bodhi angrily tried to blink the tears away, but only succeeded in letting them flee down his cheeks. Wordlessly, Cassian stood up and enveloped Bodhi in an embrace. Bodhi did not resist. Instead, he buried his head in the crook of Cassian’s neck.

“She’s just a kid,” Bodhi managed. “She’s just a kid and already–” He bit his lip to prevent himself from saying more.

They stood in silence for a long time, neither moving. The wind picked up, raking sand across Bodhi’s bare feet.

He pulled away first. Suddenly, Cassian’s eyes spoke volumes instead of swallowing words. Bodhi kneeled down and picked up Cassian’s shoes, and Cassian took them from him. Bodhi did not trust himself to speak yet. So he let Cassian lace his right arm through his left and slowly lead him away, along the sand, back towards the Ferris Wheel, back from where’d they’d come.

Gradually, he gathered himself. They were walking along the surf, the water creeping up on Cassian’s feet before ebbing away just as quickly.

Gently, Bodhi pulled his arm away, and walked into the surf, letting the water flow up to his ankles.

It was freezing. Bodhi was pretty sure he couldn’t feel his feet. Yet he stood, rooted to the spot again, as the waves dug furrows in the sand underneath his heels. The ground really was being pulled out from underneath his feet.

Cassian waded into the surf after him. Bodhi turned to face him.

“How do you do it?” Bodhi asked quietly. “She’s just a kid, and already, she’s–” He bit his lip again and tasted blood. “I thought I’d never be bothered by something like that again, but–”

Cassian splashed his foot through the water, watching the water ripple. The wind was getting stronger, and his hair blew across his face. Cassian shook his head to part it, and as if to clear his mind.

“I know,” he said hoarsely. The waves whispered around them. Gently, he took Bodhi’s hand and pulled him out of the water.

The sand was almost hot to Bodhi’s feet. They took up walking again. Cassian’s hand was much warmer, and Bodhi didn’t let him let go.

They climbed up to dryer sand, walking along the coast guard flags. Bodhi waited for Cassian to speak again.

“I’m not sure,” Cassian said after a while. “Maybe because I was expecting it?”

Bodhi faced him with horror.

The look in Cassian’s eyes was back.

“I hate expecting it,” Cassian said bitterly, a strong gust of wind ripping the words from his mouth. “You never should.”

Fat raindrops started to fall as the wind quieted down, leaving pockmarks in the sand. They passed an empty gazebo, and wordlessly turned to seek shelter inside.

Along the walk, Bodhi’s feet had dried and warmed up considerably, but were still freezing to the touch. Walking carefully along the boardwalk to the gazebo, they sat together underneath its dilapidated roof to shake the sand off of their feet and put on their shoes.

The rain rattled against the roof. Bodhi shifted along the bench, pulling his knees up to his chest, and leaned against Cassian’s shoulder. Gently, Cassian leaned his cheek against the crown of Bodhi’s head.

The sky continued into the sea, stormy and churning and gray, and yet Bodhi still distinctly got the impression that Cassian was looking out beyond the horizon.

“Growing up in another city, in another country. Being in the military,” Cassian continued, as if unaware of the pause that had occurred between his statements. “You begin to expect it. I guess it never goes away.”

There was no rhythm to the falling of the rain.

“I used to get bothered about it,” Bodhi said after a while. “In highschool, junior and senior year. Not that much. But I thought that it didn’t bother me anymore, and it didn’t for a while. But now–”

“It’s terrifying because you think that things have changed. But it turns out that they haven’t. Not at all,” Cassian supplied. “And that they still don’t change, as time goes on and as you see new generations that display the same bigotry and ignorance because it’s been projected on them by people who refuse to change.”

Bodhi squeezed his eyes tightly shut to keep his composure. Outside, the rain showed no sign of letting up. The drops leaking through the gazebo roof turned into a steady stream.

“Want to chance it?” Bodhi asked after a few more silent minutes. “We can walk along the awnings.”

Cassian nodded his assent, shifting his head and sitting up. Bodhi followed suit, and stretched out his legs. A new leak started above his head, and drops of water splashed onto his shoulder.

They stood for a moment, looking out of the gazebo archway. There was no one in sight for miles to come.

Together, they darted out from underneath the roof and across the boardwalk, ending up safely by the lowered metal gate underneath the Nathan’s awning. The rain pattered against the tarp above their heads. Single file, Bodhi leading, they began to walk.

Without being asked, rogue memories surfaced in Bodhi’s mind. The involuntary jerk whenever guys called each other faggots. His highschool counselor looking at him with pursed lips and disappointment in her eyes when he showed her his college choices. “Are you sure you want to send your application there? You’re not going to...disappoint anyone with that choice?” The whispers behind his back when he decided to let his hair out.

The line of outdoor food establishments ended, and before them stretched two long avenues flanked on both sides by fenced-off fields of long grass, looming between them and the subway terminal.

Bodhi looked behind him. Cassian was also realizing their predicament.

“Run?” Cassian suggested half-heartedly.

Bodhi shook his head. “In this downpour, we’ll get drenched either way. Might as well walk.”

He stepped out from underneath the awning, setting off with a quick pace and determination.

The rain was cold too, pounding against his scalp and his shoulders. His varsity jacket did not have a hood.

He stopped in the middle of the block and turned his face up. Gray. The sky. The sea. The street. Large raindrops ran in rivulets down his face.

“Bodhi!” Cassian called. Bodhi turned.

Cassian was standing several feet away, the upper half of his aviator jacket completely soaked. His hair was drenched. Water ran in streams down his face. He made no attempt to brush it away, simply blinking to keep it out of his eyes.

“Are you going to be alright?” he asked.

The rain beat mercilessly into the grass lot beyond the fence.

“Of course,” Bodhi said. He was aware that the rain wasn’t the only reason his face was wet. “And you?”

“Who cares about me?” Cassian brushed off, stepping forward a pace, then stopping. Uncertain. Through the water on his eyelashes, Bodhi could see the concern on Cassian’s face.

“I do,” Bodhi said quietly.

They stood, facing each other, so close together yet miles apart. Bodhi looked down and saw the distance, the distance across the tabletop, the distance on the loveseat, the distance between their faces. The distance that the world expected them to keep between them.

In one stride he closed the gap. They stood a hair’s breadth apart, Bodhi’s head tilted slightly upwards to look at Cassian’s face.

The rain was stopping.

The final raindrops fell, the grass rustling anew.

Without a word, Bodhi wrapped his soaked arms around Cassian. Cassian’s hands found the spot between his shoulderblades. His hair streamed water down Bodhi’s collar.

They stood there, dripping water, for a long, long time.

  
  


Bodhi unwound his arms first, and Cassian followed suit. They walked side by side on the wide sidewalk to the station, pausing on the curb to take off their jackets and wring them out. Bodhi wrung his hair out for good measure, too.

The station was almost deserted. Through the turnstiles, they made their way onto the Q train platform. A train stood empty, waiting.

They were the only passengers, and sat at one end of a middle car.

Cassian pulled his rather waterlogged book out of his inside jacket pocket. It was faring surprisingly well. He flipped through the pages, airing it out.

“I’m so sorry,” Bodhi said hoarsely. “This was a shitfest.”

Cassian put his book back into a dryer pocket and turned toward him, tucking his wet hair behind his ear, out of his face.

“It was definitely–” He paused. “Something.”

Bodhi sighed and leaned his head back. But a small smile spread across his lips.

The heating turned on in the train car. It must have been colder than they’d realized. The doors grated shut, and with a heave, the train departed from the station.

Cassian’s shoulder was warm against his own.

The windows were streaked with rain. Bodhi watched the clouds roll across the sky, shifting shadows as they changed shape. There were high winds up in the stratosphere.

Cassian’s breathing was even. Bodhi held his soaked varsity jacket in his hands, letting it drip water onto the floor between his knees. His hands were slowly losing their warmth, without Cassian's hands clasped around them.

They rode in silence. As the train car slowly filled up with people, Cassian shifted closer to Bodhi, freeing up more sitting room. Bodhi could feel the heat of Cassian’s thigh through his soaked jeans, flush against his own.

The lights in the train car flickered. The passengers were quiet and sullen. Wet umbrellas brushed against Bodhi’s legs.

He let his head fall against Cassian’s shoulder. Cassian’s hair was dripping water. Bodhi knew that his own hair was dampening Cassian’s sweater.

Cassian did not shrug him off.

They rattled out of the tunnel and onto the Manhattan Bridge. Bodhi angled his head so that he could see Cassian’s face slightly.

“Even..with this,” he started, “no change of plans? Are we still going…?”

“Mhmm.”

Bodhi could feel the low vibration of the hum through Cassian’s shoulder.

“Will you be alright?” Cassian was looking at him. Bodhi closed his eyes, shifting so that he could lean his back against the subway seat.

“Yeah.” Bodhi opened his eyes slowly, catching Cassian’s gaze. “And you?”

The train whistled back into the tunnel. The riders grabbed onto the overhead bars. The lights flickered again.

“Of course I will be.”

Bodhi smiled softly, and closed his eyes again. He let his head fall back against Cassian’s shoulder.

He could feel some of the occupants of the crowded car stare. He didn’t care. With his head nestled in the crook of Cassian’s neck, it felt like it was always meant to be that way.

As long as Cassian didn’t mind.

After the bridge, it was a short ride to 23rd. Whispering to Bodhi quietly, Cassian extricated himself from underneath him and got up as the train ground to a halt.

Bodhi caught a last glimpse of Cassian through the train car window, making his way along the platform on 23rd Street. He rode on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated :,,,)


	21. the immolation scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the formatting issues last chapter. I had to format it on mobile because my internet cut out for ten hours, and apparently I am not as vigilant as I thought.
> 
> Content warning for the f-slur again (but not in malevolence).

Chapter Twenty-One

The lock in the door clicked. Kay looked up briefly from his phone.

He was on the sofa, sitting, or doing something resembling it. He was lying with his back on the sofa seat, his legs propped up on the sofa back, knees hanging over. He was bored.

“Cassian, that you?” Kay called from the living room.

“Yeah,” came the rather dispirited reply.

“Anyone with you?” Kay asked, looking up again from his phone and trying to see through the doorway and into the entryway.

Silence.

“Cassian?” Kay lifted his legs off of the back of the sofa and toppled over onto his side. With some difficulty, he managed to maneuver himself out of the loveseat and get up. Setting down his phone on the coffeetable, he went over to peer through the doorway.

Cassian’s keys clacked as he dropped them on the counter. His aviator jacket was folded and hanging over the crook of his arm, dripping water onto the parquet. His hair was rain-slicked, and he had an overall bedraggled and dejected appearance.

“Jesus, Cassian,” Kay exclaimed. “You’re soaked!”

“Yeah,” said Cassian again, with the same lack of inflection. “I noticed.”

He looked at his dripping aviator jacket with mild uncertainty, as if unaware of how it had ended up in the crook of his elbow, and not the faintest idea of what to do with it now.

Gently, Kay took the jacket from him, giving Cassian the opportunity to take off his shoes.

“Christ, Cassian, what happened?” Kay asked, unfolding the jacket to examine the extent of the water damage.

Cassian examined his socks, then his sweater. Both were also almost entirely soaked through. “It rained. We got caught under it.”

“Yeah, no shit,” said Kay, gingerly folding the jacket again. “Before you shower, I’m going to wring this into the tub, and then I’ll hang it over the radiator. So wait three minutes and don’t even _try_ falling asleep.”

With that, Kay turned and headed down the hall and into the bathroom, leaving Cassian to his own waterlogged devices. Removing a damp wallet, phone, and _Deathworld_ from the pockets of the coat, Kay managed to expunge a good two pounds of water from the jacket.

Rummaging through his closet for an empty clothes hanger, once found, Kay draped the aviator jacket over it and hung it on the unused curtain rod above the window over the radiator, setting an ancient towel over the floor to collect moisture. That task finished, Kay headed back into the living room to herd a morose Cassian into the shower.

Kay found him, however, not in the living room, but in the kitchen, looking dolefully at a piece of scrap paper, charcoal pencil in hand.

There was a portrait of a little girl sketched out on the paper, her hair tied into two braids, and a puffy down jacket barely visible at the very bottom of the paper.

She was angled slightly to the side, but her eyes were staring straight out of the paper. Cassian rarely, if ever, drew people looking directly out.

“Cassian?” Kay asked for the third time, hovering uncertainly over Cassian’s shoulder.

Cassian held the gaze of the girl in the portrait. Then, sighing, he set his pencil aside and folded up the paper, got up, and slipped it into the wastebin.

“Who was she?” Kay asked as Cassian straightened up.

Cassian hugged his sides briefly, considering. Then, looking up with a small smile, he said, “I’ll shower first. I _will_ …try to explain, though.”

With that, he brushed past Kay out of the kitchen, and shut the door to the bathroom with a soft click.

*

Cassian emerged from the bathroom, hair dried and wearing old sweats and the Cricket Club sweatshirt that he’d lent Bodhi during the Christmas party. Kay was on the loveseat, thumbing through _Deathworld_.

Cassian shuffled into the living room and settled onto the loveseat next to Kay, pulling his knees up to his chest. A habit of Bodhi’s that he’d picked up, Kay noticed, intentionally or not.

Kay set the book aside and turned to face Cassian, tucking his left leg underneath him.

Cassian groaned, and leaned his forehead against his knees. “It started out well enough. We walked the length of the boardwalk, up to Brighton Beach.” Cassian scoffed, tilting his head back and leaning it against the top of the loveseat. “That was a mistake.”

Kay considered what he knew about Brighton Beach. Neighboring Manhattan Beach, a residential neighborhood, predominantly–

“Oh,” Kay said, realizing.

Cassian squeezed his eyes tightly shut. “Yeah.”

They sat in silence for a while, Kay arguing with himself about the nature of the circumstances but sensible enough not to ask.

“It wasn’t even–” Cassian started, and broke off with an exasperated huff. “We weren’t even–” He chewed his lip.

“There was this girl; she kind of tripped over us. I don’t know how. Ended up striking up a conversation...It started out innocently enough, but then…she ended up expressing her mother’s opinions about us.

“So then her mother fucking turned up from God knows where, denounced us to the seventh layer of hell and called us faggots, and then we fucked off, as instructed. And then it rained.”

Kay pinched the bridge of his nose. “Jesus Christ, Cassian.”

“I’m fine,” Cassian said stubbornly, opening his eyes. “But I’m worried…”

Kay nodded in dejected understanding. “What happened after?”

“We walked for a while. Back, across the sand. When the rain started, we tried a temporary shelter under one of those gazebos that line the boardwalk. We eventually ended up walking, though.”

Cassian paused, staring at the wall. He blinked rapidly. “We...argued? I guess? Not really.” He fidgeted, rubbing his shins. “He just– stopped, in the middle of the street, in the rain. I– I asked him if he was alright. He asked me the same.”

“What then?” Kay asked.

“I– I told him that it didn’t matter whether or not I was.”

Kay groaned.

“He told me that it– it mattered to him.”

“You daft— Marry him!” Kay exclaimed, leaning his forehead against his hand.

“Fuck off, Kay,” said Cassian dourly. “Then we stood in the rain for a while.”

“Cassian,” Kay said sternly. “Call him. Call him right now.”

“No.”

“Call him to confirm about Wednesday. About anything but what happened today. But call him to make sure that he’s alright.”

Cassian sighed. “I don’t know what to do, Kay.”

“Tell him one day.”


	22. hyperspace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I highly recommend listening to the songs mentioned in this chapter while reading, so I'm linking the [song list](http://kataclysmimicking.tumblr.com/post/162008706230/complete-chronological-list-of-songs-mentioned-in) (without links to any platforms) and the [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/2257e4oktgjjgy6xws6qdsmoq/playlist/2NDc0PZoLAoPxQFAmVYKAl) again.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Kay jolted awake, alarm screaming. It was three in the morning.

Across the hall, Cassian’s alarm rang in almost perfect harmony.

Wednesday, March 8th. They were going to Washington, D.C.

  
  


The plan had been thoroughly discussed and agreed upon over several stays at the restaurant. Han and Chewie would provide one vehicle, an old, beat-up, 1987 Buick Skyhawk station wagon affectionately dubbed the ‘Millennium Falcon,’ while Leia and her entourage of agents would take another vehicle, and perhaps several other passengers, considering that the Falcon could only reasonably fit eight people, while attendance was at ten.

For understandable reasons, Cassian and Kay were to take the Falcon with Han and Chewie, along with Bodhi, Luke, and Lando, while Leia took Jyn and Cethro along with her in the government-issued vehicle. Jyn because of Leia, while it was reasoned that Cethro should also go because he was actually a rather prominent member in UN ambassador subordinate rankings.

Because Bodhi lived closest to Columbia, while Luke, Lando, Han, and Chewie roomed on campus, Cassian and Kay would be picked up last on their way out of the city. They’d agreed not to attempt arranging a meeting at 3am at the restaurant, for the hazard and unreliability of getting there on public transportation in the middle of the night. The route that Leia’s servicemen took to collect Cethro and Jyn was slightly more convoluted, but the agreement for both cars to be underneath Cassian and Kay’s by 3:30am was unwavering.

So, determination unyielding, Kay extracted himself from his closet after several minutes of fruitless rummaging. “Cassian! Do you have anything pink?”

An indistinguishable reply came from the room across the hall.

“What?” Kay yelled, admitting surrender and ducking out of his room and into Cassian’s.

Cassian was tugging on a pale pink hoodie, over which he shrugged on a denim jacket. “Didn’t you have that old polo with pink stripes?” Cassian repeated, adjusting the sleeves of his jacket.

“Oh, you’re right,” Kay acknowledged, and vanished back into his own room to tackle, not the closet, but the cabinet. “...and I have those Converse…”

It had been a mistake not to get ready from the prior evening, for sleep proved a stubborn impediment to concise cognitive functions. Nonetheless, Cassian and Kay pursued their cause relentlessly, and managed to descend into the vestibule of their apartment building by 3:20am.

Promise of provided breakfast stood fast, with the agreement that each member of the party bring something to supplement. So slung over Kay’s shoulder was a small, thermal-insulated bag with a thermos of tea and breakfast biscuits.

Kay looked at his reflection in the fogged-up glass partition in the vestibule as Cassian leaned against the buzzer wall. Cassian was wearing dark jeans with his pale hoodie, and white tennis shoes that stood out sharply against the dark fabric. Kay was wearing his moto jacket over the striped polo, with Adidas sweatpants and an incredibly old pair of Converse that he’d dug up, split half-and-half between pink and white.

Through himself and the darkness of the early morning, Kay saw a station wagon double-park in front of the building, turning on its emergency lights. It was tailed by a black Mercedes that passed it and stopped a little further down the block.

Cassian’s phone lit up with a text from Bodhi.

_we’re here_

Kay leaned against the icy door handle and swung open the door, followed by Cassian. They threaded their way through the parked cars to the Falcon, which was humming quietly in the otherwise silent night.

Kay opened the right passenger door, letting Cassian climb in first. Han and Chewie were sitting up at the front, Chewie examining a roadmap and Han adjusting the rearview mirror. Lando was the sole occupant of the middle section, with Bodhi and Luke sitting together in the back.

Cassian hoisted himself over the middle section, joining Luke and Bodhi. Bodhi slid aside, letting Cassian take the leftmost seat by the window. Kay handed the bag back to the back row, where it was placed over the seats and into the trunk, and climbed in himself to sit next to Lando, slamming the door shut behind him.

The ancient heater whirred, spewing warmth. Over the stereo, _Greatest Hits of Simon & Garfunkel_ played, strains of ‘America’ echoing through the car. 

“Lovely! We’re all here!” said Han. Kay glanced around the car. Han was wearing his black leather jacket and a starched pink polo underneath, and was polishing his glasses. Beside Cassian, Bodhi was wearing his bright varsity jacket, hair braided neatly. Next to Bodhi, Luke dozed, wearing dark pants and a floral robe that looked like it had been borrowed from Leia. Lando was wearing a burgundy coat over a striped shirt with embossings of bright red roses. Chewie was wearing a chunky knit sweater made out of colorful yarn. Everyone had tried their best and worn their best approximation of pink.

“Here’s the plan,” said Han, replacing his glasses onto the bridge of his nose and turning around to face his passengers. Everyone listened attentively.

“This early in the morning, the drive should take us about three and a half hours. So, without traffic, we should be there at around 7:20am. I should be able to drive the entire way there, but if I start falling asleep, we’ll pull over at a rest area and Chewie will take over. That being said, we do have one rest stop planned into our schedule, about halfway between Baltimore and DC. But if anyone needs anything, I’ll gladly pull over.

“Leia’s car will be trailing us, because the law forbids following a government vehicle. Chewie has the map, and I’ve driven to DC several times, so we should be fine. I know the address and I’ve printed out a coupon for a parking garage about a mile away from the Capitol building, so no need to worry about that.

“So,” he said, turning back to the front and looking at the car’s occupants through the rearview mirror. “Ready?”

An excited cheer ran through the car. Han switched gears and extinguished the emergency lights. Kay glanced through the window for a final glance at their apartment building, barely visible in the twilight.

“Let’s go.”

*

Han was a good driver; there was no doubt or argument about it. He avoided sudden stops, turned smoothly, and changed lanes with ease and practice whenever a car slowed down in front of them. So naturally, by the time they had left the city, the majority of the car’s occupants had drifted off to sleep.

In the back row, Luke was slouched against the seat, his knees propped up on the seat in front of him, asleep. Next to him, Bodhi had drifted off with his head on Cassian’s shoulder.

Though Cassian’s eyes remained closed, Kay knew that Cassian was feigning sleep. He would not sleep, not with the car and the long drive. Periodically, Kay looked back and assessed Cassian’s breathing rate, but it was steady, if not convincing enough for sleep.

Beside Kay, Lando had fallen asleep with his arm propped up on the large door panel. The inside of the car was dark, with Chewie and Han up front, illuminated slightly by the headlights of an occasional oncoming car, whispering directions and discussing routes.

Kay looked out of the window. They were out on the New Jersey Turnpike, darkened trees zipping past against a sky that was only slightly lighter. Very rarely did they pass a car going in the same direction.

Behind them, Leia’s escort trailed at a distance of around five hundred feet. Not close enough to tailgate or arouse suspicion, but close enough to prevent any car from changing into the lane between them.

Not that there was any need for that. The road was deserted, and each car they passed kept resolutely to its own lane.

Chewie had lowered the stereo volume, and _Simon and Garfunkel’s_ ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ was whispering through the speakers. Kay watched the road signs above the car flash by, one by one, as they passed exits and gas stations.

  
  


They drove into Delaware, still along Route 95, the sign flashing past Kay’s window. They were already past Pennsylvania, about halfway through the drive. Behind the wheel, Han looked up to check the rearview mirror, and, seeing Kay awake, winked. Chewie stretched in the passenger seat.

The sky was starting to lighten, almost imperceptibly. One or two more cars appeared on the road, also seeming to be headed to Washington DC. The digital clock above the dashboard told Kay that it was almost 6am.

  
  


They passed into Maryland, driving through Elkton. ‘The Boxer’ was on the stereo. Kay glanced back habitually to check on Cassian.

Cassian had stopped feigning sleep, and was sitting as upright as Bodhi’s weight would let him, looking out of the opposite window. A passing car illuminated the back row's occupants, sending ghastly shadows dancing across Cassian's face. A tear glistened on one of his cheeks.

_In the clearing stands a boxer_  
_And a fighter by his trade_  
_And he carries the reminders_  
_Of every glove that laid him down_  
_Or cut him till he cried out_  
_In his anger and his shame_  
_"I am leaving, I am leaving"_  
_But the fighter still remains_

_Lie la lie…_

Han turned on his turn signal and switched lanes. The Mercedes behind them followed suit.

_Lie la la la lie la lie…_

Kay leaned his head against the seat back and closed his eyes.

_Lie la lie_  
_Lie la la la lie la lie la la la la lie…_

*

The engine quieted down, and Kay started awake. They were idling in the parking lot of a gas station. Han took the key out of the ignition.

“Rest stop,” he announced, as the Mercedes pulled into the gas station, headed directly to a pump. Kay shook himself awake, in much the same way as the other occupants of the car.

“We also need gas,” Chewie said, wrenching open the car door and hopping out. “But minimarket first.”

Kay unlocked his own door and climbed out, to let the occupants of the third row do the same. Out on the pavement, he walked around, stretching his legs and rotating his hip.

The sky was a beautiful orange. It was around 6:40am, and traffic on the interstate was slowly increasing. Cassian, having gotten out on from the other door, walked around the car to join him.

“Five minutes!” Han called, pushing open the door into the small store, trailed by Chewie and Luke.

Lando perched on the hood, looking at the sky. His breaths released small puffs of water vapor into the air. It was still cold outside, early in the morning.

Bodhi was leaning against the back of the car, watching a secret serviceman wrangle with the automatic checkout, trying to pay for the gas. Kay wandered into the bodega, partly to stay warm, partly to look for the bathroom. He caught Han on the way out.

“I’m going to buy some fuel and fill the canisters. If we’re not parked there, we’ll be by the pumps,” Han said.

Kay nodded, heading towards the back.

  
  


When he walked out of the bodega, the two cars had rotated, with the Mercedes parked in front of the shop and the Falcon at the self-service.

Cethro was sitting on the trunk of the Mercedes, and waved to Kay as he passed.

“It won’t be long,” he promised. “We’re past Baltimore; somewhere around Laurel. We’ll be in DC soon enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated!


	23. the flag parade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for mentions of hate crime and suicide within a discussion.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Han relinquished the parking ticket from the attendant of the underground lot and cruised in, searching for an empty spot.

After the rest stop, everyone had had trouble getting any more sleep, and were therefore all awake to gawk at DC's suburbs as Han had driven around, looking for the address.

Han backed the station wagon easily into an empty space, set the handbrake, and cut the ignition. Relieved, everyone took to unfolding their cramped legs and climbing out of the car.

Cassian waited for Lando to get out before gingerly climbing over the seat, Bodhi and Luke following suit, and managing to exit the car.

It was a little after 7am.

Everyone stood rather creakily, stretching their muscles and popping their joints. Cassian stretched his right leg, propping it up against the back fender of the Falcon.

Luke checked his phone. "Leia says that they've also found a spot, and that they'll wait for us outside the garage entrance."

Lando looked through the rear windshield into the trunk. "Should we take breakfast with us? Or eat here?"

They considered. It was true, with the early start and the lull of the road, they'd forgotten to eat the breakfast that they'd all been so looking forward to. They’d also somewhat tied themselves over with muffins from the minimarket. Cassian looked forlornly at their thermal bag, and the breakfast biscuits housed within.

Sensing the same sort of despondent resignation from the rest of the group, Han consulted his watch, before shrugging and popping the trunk with a heave. "Might as well eat now. We're going to be here and walking around all day."

"I'll text Leia to let her know that we’ll be there in ten minutes," Luke said, immediately diving into the trunk to pull out a cloth bag with a small thermos. "Milk?"

Breakfast accessories were passed around as everyone settled in their makeshift picnic area. Han folded down the third and second row of seats, opening a wider space in the trunk of the car, and everyone climbed back in.

Kay passed around the biscuits as Cassian poured tea, taking some milk from Luke's thermos. The tea was still surprisingly warm.

Bodhi passed around a small tupperware container filled with scrambled eggs. Lando offered some sliced fruit from inside a thermal bag chilled with portable, reusable ice.

Cassian ate quickly, as did everyone else. Time was precious, and it was their own fault for forgetting to eat on the way.

Finishing the majority of the food, they packed the containers into their respective bags and climbed out of the car. With an echoing thud, Han slammed shut the trunk and checked the doors to make sure that they’d locked.

They made their way along the low-ceilinged garage driveway, finally coming to the toll booth, where they waved at the attendant and exited the garage.

Cassian spotted the trio loitering about a hundred feet from the entrance. No secret servicemen were in sight, no doubt shooed away by Leia, but Cassian could feel their presence.

They were standing by a hedge, Jyn and Cethro looking over Leia's shoulder at something on her phone.

Jyn spotted them first, and waved them over jovially.

Leia was wearing the jumper she’d worn at the party, her hair coiled into braided ringlets. Waffling next to her, Jyn was wearing her standard leather jacket and was burrowed in a pink infinity scarf. Cethro was wearing a sweater with _The Hallucinogenic Toreador_ under a starkly bright yellow raincoat.

“I knit these hats,” Cethro said by way of greeting, pulling a handful of bright pink beanies with cat ears out of his satchel and handing them out.

Cassian took one for himself as the bunch was passed around. He turned it over in his hands, examining the knit. The stitch was complicated, and done much neater than he’d ever managed. He tried it on. It fit snugly.

Han shoved his hands in his jeans pockets, hat perched crookedly on his head, and looked over Leia's shoulder. "We've parked a few blocks from the Lincoln Memorial, which is maybe a mile from the Washington Monument, and a mile and a half from the White House and the Capitol. We can make our way to the park, and see whether or not it'll be possible to walk along the Reflecting Pool. The path might be clogged with protesters, though."

"All the better," Leia said stoutly. "We're going the same way."

Gently, Luke reached up and righted Han’s hat. The color of the yarn went very well with Luke’s floral robe, making him reminiscent of a flowery seraph, haloed by his blond hair.

“Should we?” Jyn prompted, and they set off, Cassian falling into step alongside Bodhi, walking behind Jyn and Leia. The sidewalk was narrow, forcing them to walk in pairs. Behind them walked Chewie and Lando, followed by Cethro and Kay and Luke and Han.

Bodhi was wearing the scarf that Cassian had made him, and had adjusted his hat carefully over his braid. His jacket didn’t seem to be any worse for wear after getting completely soaked in the rain.

“Baze and Chirrut are coming to the march, too,” said Bodhi softly as the group threaded their way along side streets and through courtyards. “They’re taking Baze’s old Saab.”

“That’s admirable,” said Cassian. “Did they also leave early in the morning?”

“A little later than us, I think. They didn’t want to impose. Wanted to let us leave to ourselves. They should get to DC a little later. We can look for them during the march, but they said not to bother too much with it. They can get back themselves, and came to this march for themselves.”

“Are they here just for the cause of the women’s march, or for something else as well?” Cassian asked as the group stopped at an intersection, waiting for the light.

Bodhi shuffled his feet. “They’re also here to march for LGBT rights, particularly for transgender and nonbinary individuals. For the respect that they deserve.” The light turned green, and they made their way across the street. “If you’re looking for them, they’ll be wearing all white. To commemorate all LGBT women whose lives were lost because of hate crimes and suicide.”

  
  


As they got closer to the National Mall, they were nearly overrun by the masses of people milling by the entrance to the park. Some carried signs. Most were wearing pussyhats.

Getting through the crowd was nearly impossible. The sheer amount of people, exemplified by reporters with large bags and tripods darting between them, made progress towards the park grind to a halt. By the entrance, the crowd had come to a standstill, people standing close together, talking and holding up signs. From what Cassian could see inside the park, the situation was much the same. Almost every empty space was occupied by protesters, brightly dressed. The volume of people, so early in the morning, was stunning.

They were stuck here, for now. Behind them, Chewie shifted on his feet. Han and Luke were still in conversation, though Cassian couldn’t catch what about over the din of the protesters. Next to him, Bodhi was swiveling his head, looking over the sea of people.

Leia and Jyn fought their way over to a stand of payphones, followed by the rest of the group with some difficulty. Propping herself up on a trashcan, Jyn hoisted herself up onto the roof of the privacy cover of the payphone, and pulled Leia up next to her.

“How’s the view, princess?” Han shouted up, grinning.

“I can see the Capitol dome from here,” Jyn reported, as Leia made a face and flipped him off. “Protesters every which way.”

“Is there any sign of movement?” Luke called up, as Lando leaned against the booth.

“None that I can see,” Leia replied, shielding her eyes from the sun with a hand while peering out across the park.

A murmur was going through the crowd. Cassian turned his head, trying to locate the source of the sound. Atop the payphone, Leia and Jyn were also craning their necks, trying to discern what was going on.

There was shouting coming from inside the park, indistinct at first. Unconsciously, Cassian inched closer to Kay.

The shouting was getting louder, the words becoming more distinguishable.

“Our body, our choice!”

Quiet at first, muffled by the closeness of the people. It hung in the still air as people around them hushed, listening.

“Our body, our choice!”

Louder now, as women around them joined in the cry.

“OUR BODY, OUR CHOICE!”

Leia and Jyn took up the mantra, shouting from their perch. The cry was much louder now, growing in fervor. Cassian’s heart beat faster as he made a split-second decision.

“THEIR BODY, THEIR CHOICE!” he rallied. Around him, he was shot looks of surprise, but along with approval.

“OUR BODY, OUR CHOICE!” came the shout again, and suddenly, the mass of people began to move.

“THEIR BODY, THEIR CHOICE!” Cassian shouted again, accompanied now by Bodhi, Cethro, and Luke, as well as several surrounding protesters.

“OUR BODY, OUR CHOICE!”

Leia and Jyn clambered off of the booth, falling into step with the crowd.

“THEIR BODY, THEIR CHOICE!” The cry made its way across the sea of protestors. Almost everyone in their vicinity was shouting it now. The words hung loud and powerful in the morning air as the protesters forged through them.

“OUR BODY, OUR CHOICE!”

They were finally inside the park.

  
  


They followed the moving horde of people going up along the park’s rightmost path, headed towards the Capitol. The park drive was partitioned off with police barriers, and flanked by several police cars and stationed officers at major intersections.

“THEIR BODY, THEIR CHOICE!”

Cethro took a Nikon P900, a powerful, large-lensed camera, out of his satchel, proceeding to take professional shots of the masses of people. Arms raised, eyes blazing.

“OUR BODY, OUR CHOICE!”

Cassian felt a strange feeling of elation, walking along with the crowd. Kay was talking to various people around them, asking them about the clothes they were wearing, about their reasons for coming. Walking in front of him, Leia was radiating power, as she shouted the mantra, Jyn by her side. Cassian wasn’t one for going out, for participating. Not anymore. Yet here he was, two hundred and thirty miles away from his and Kay’s apartment in Chelsea, surrounded by his closest friends and people he knew nothing about.

And the feeling had returned. Here, he felt like he was making a difference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know if anybody remembers that video that went viral from one of the Trump protests in New York, where women were shouting "our body, our choice" and men joined in with "their body, their choice" --> that was a really powerful video and I got the premise from there. And the Day Without Women march in DC on March 8th happened, too! Sadly, I couldn't be there for it, so I ended up reading a bunch about the protest covered in the Times and the WSJ and anything that was circulating, really. I highly recommend looking up photographic journalism of the march on March 8th in the New York Times; the photographs are stunning. 
> 
> Guess whose internet decided to croak again? Please excuse any formatting issues in this chapter, and I'll fix them as soon as I get the chance. 
> 
> Comments are loved and greatly appreciated!


	24. rebellions are built on hope

Chapter Twenty-Four

It was past 4pm when the crowd at the march finally began to thin, and they collectively decided to turn back. They’d been following the circulatory route along the National Mall, and had ended up outside the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum, halfway through their fourth circuit.

Luke suggested they cross the park and walk back along the other side, past the White House. They’d walked past it several times during the march, but now they actually had an opportunity to stop briefly and regard it through the fence.

Cassian had been inside, along with Kay. As a veteran and honorable discharge. He and Kay had received their Medals of Honor there.

He looked through the black fence, across the expanse of green lawn. The ceremony had been held more than four years ago. There was a different person in power now.

That was the reason they were here, after all.

  
  


Their pace was brisk as they made their way back to the garage. “Four in the afternoon!” Han lamented. “With traffic, we won’t be back until at least 10pm!”

So there was no time to stop and tour the museums and tourist attractions. Everyone save Jyn had classes the next day.

In front of the garage, they split up again. There was another attendant on duty as Cassian and the rest of the group ducked under the gate and made their way through the dim garage towards Han’s car.

At the Falcon, Han unlocked the trunk to flip the two rows of seats back up. Cassian climbed into the back, joined again by Bodhi and Luke, while Kay and Lando occupied the middle row and Chewie and Han took the front. Chewie would be driving back.

Less asleep but more tired, the car’s occupants still made conversation as Chewie maneuvered the Falcon through DC afternoon traffic. Luke was reading his physics textbook, and Kay and Lando talked on topics of ambassador interactions. Cassian looked out of the window, watching the streets of DC.

He couldn’t stand the silence for long, without the excuse of sleep to maintain it.

“We haven’t really talked–” Cassian started hesitantly, turning to Bodhi. “About...what happened.”

Bodhi picked at the sleeve of his jacket. “It’s not really much of a conversation topic,” he said quietly, with the hint of a smile.

“That’s true.” Cassian looked back out of the window, watching the sky turn orange with the sunset. “I just– I don’t know. We both didn’t handle it very well.”

Bodhi looked at his hands. “Were we supposed to?” He sighed. “I’m sorry, Cassian. I’m the one that overreacted and got nihilistic. It was just– unexpected.”

Cassian shook his head. “No, it’s completely understandable. I guess what I really wanted to say was, are you alright?”

Bodhi looked up, catching Cassian’s eyes with his own. “Of course I’m alright. It was sudden and I was caught off-guard and spent the better part of that evening thinking about it, but I’ve reasoned myself out of obsessing over it now.

“What else would there be for me to do? I can’t very well go back there and try to reason the mother out of it. The only way to combat homophobia is to try and educate children more globally. This particular case is out of my hands, but I can try to make a difference elsewhere.

“Besides,” and here Bodhi broke into a genuine smile, “I have my support. I have my father and step-father. I have Jyn. And I have you.”

Cassian took Bodhi’s hands into his own and leaned them against his chest. A wave of tension flooded out of him.

He really was an idiot. Absolutely incorrigible.

*

They pulled out of the gas station outside of Wilmington close to seven in the evening, followed by the Mercedes. The sky was completely dark by then, the Falcon’s powerful headlights illuminating the stretch of highway in front of them.

Chewie was nearly as good of a driver as Han. With the same calm, relaxed atmosphere, the occupants of the car had started dropping off to sleep.

Cassian battled with his exhaustion relentlessly. Every time he’d try to doze off, he’d be flooded with anxiety and the taste of sand in his mouth. He’d jerk awake, heart beating faster, and startle Bodhi.

“Hey,” Bodhi whispered. Beside him, Luke had nodded off, put to sleep by whatever he’d been deciphering in the textbook. “Dozing?”

“Can’t fall asleep,” Cassian admitted, resettling in the seat.

Bodhi offered his shoulder. Cassian shook his head.

“Try it,” Bodhi said stubbornly.

Cassian rolled his eyes, though he knew Bodhi couldn’t catch that in the dark, and slouched down apprehensively, leaning his head against Bodhi’s shoulder.

Bodhi’s heartbeat was rhythmic and slow. The steady drone of the Falcon’s engine was low and soothing. Cassian felt his eyelids droop.

“Damn you,” he whispered, feeling more relaxed than he had in several days. He was fading in and out of consciousness.

“I love you too,” Bodhi said, somewhere above him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated!


	25. the princess appears

Chapter Twenty-Five

There was a knock on his door.

"What, Jyn?" Bodhi asked dejectedly.

His door swung open. Jyn was standing in the doorway, wearing her leather THRASHER jacket.

"Let's go out."

"No," Bodhi said categorically.

"Yes," Jyn countered, walking into his room and sitting on his swivel chair, scooting it so that she sat beside the bed where he was lying, the epitome of misery. "We have to go out. You've done everything you can to prepare for the dissertation. Now all you have to do is wait two months. They won't go by faster if you spend them lying around on your bed, moping and worrying."

"Who knows," Bodhi said. “I’m getting a master’s in molecular biology, not quantum physics. Maybe I can make them.”

Jyn rolled her eyes. "Come on. Let's go to a bar."

Bodhi groaned and rolled onto his back. "First of all, I don't drink. And you know that. Second of all, I'm not a terribly social person. And third of all, I'm not looking for an interested party."

Jyn sighed. "No one's asking you to drink or get laid. I'm just saying, you have to get outside before you tear yourself apart with anxiety."

Bodhi turned into his side, a little closer to getting off of the bed. "Where are we going?"

“Gay bar downtown.”

“Which one?” Bodhi asked, already swinging his legs off the bed.

"Maz's."

*

At the bar, Jyn sat him down at a booth to the side and lost him almost immediately afterwards, leaving him in sole companionship with his Canada Dry.

He didn't mind all that much, because the bar had a pleasant atmosphere, and Jyn was most likely enjoying herself on the dance floor.

The band playing was some sort of indie rock group that the dusty chalkboard announced as the _Mumbles for the Worshippers_. They were banging out a tune with lyrics that Bodhi didn't even try to comprehend. He couldn't see well through the haze, but he had a strange feeling that Chewie was their trumpet player. It certainly looked like it from where he sat.

He watched the dancers, listened to the song ("There’s food on his boxers already; it’s salad with lettuce and croutons"), minded his own business, and kept an eye on his soda.

So he lifted his head in surprise when a young man slid into the booth across from him.

"Didn't fancy seeing _you_ here," said the man, folding his hands under his chin.

He had dark hair, and was wearing a large amount of makeup, intricately applied, along with a starched white button-down, tie, red suspenders, and dark pants. Bodhi eyed his Canada Dry a little more attentively.

"Sorry, do I know you?" Bodhi asked politely, wishing for Jyn.

The young man smiled devilishly, flicking his eyes up to the stage. There was something incredibly familiar about him, but Bodhi couldn't place it.

In answer, the man slipped one lithe hand into his pants pocket and brought out a signet ring, which he slipped onto the pinkie of his left hand.

A signet ring with a large letter O adorned with grapevines and the symbol of an inverted delta.

Bodhi's mouth fell open. "Leia?!" he hissed.

Leia smirked at him across the table, leaning forward. Bodhi now knew why he'd found her so familiar: she looked strikingly like Luke, except Luke never wore those expressions. "Shhh. Here, I'm known as Damien Matrix."

Bodhi leaned against the back of the booth. This was unreal.

"I'm performing now," Leia whispered, trailing a hand up his shoulder as she rose from the booth. The occupants of the bar parted before her as she went around to climb onto the elevated stage, just as _Mumbles of the Worshippers_ finished their last verse ("Just drive your car into a fence in your boxers") and Chewie honked out the final notes on his trumpet.

Maz hobbled onto the stage and took the microphone from the lead.

"And now," she announced, as the din subsided. Bodhi settled more comfortably in his booth to see the stage over the heads of the people at the front. "Let me welcome our very own King, local and performing now…

“DAMIEN MATRIX!"

The crowd roared. Bodhi spotted Jyn by the foot of the stage, cheering wildly. No wonder she'd been so intent on going. Along with that, Damien Matrix seemed to be a regular and a crowd pleaser at the bar on Thursday nights.

Leia took the stage, a solitary spotlight shining onto her and the mic stand. In the background, Chewie shuffled quietly through some sheet music.

Leia took a deep breath. The drummer of the _Mumbles_ quietly tapped out, " _1, 2, 3, 4—_ "

" _Fly me to the moon!_ " Leia belted out, hitting the deep notes surprisingly well. The crowd shrieked again. Someone threw roses.

" _And let me play among the stars._ "

Chewie started playing the trumpet accompaniment. The pianist joined in enthusiastically.

" _Let me see what spring is like on—_  
_ah-Jupiter and Mars!_ "

Bodhi sipped his soda. He hadn't, in his wildest dreams, thought the evening would turn out like this.

" _In other words, hold my hand_ ," sang Leia, and bowed down to reach her hand out towards the audience. Towards Jyn, who caught it enthusiastically.

Leia detached the mic to lead Jyn around and towards the stairs, bring her up onto the stage.

" _In other words_ ," Leia sang emotionally, twirling Jyn close, " _baby, kiss me!_ "

And pulled Jyn into a deep kiss, to the cheering of the crowd, as Chewie started up a trumpet solo. The kiss lasted as long as the solo.

" _Fill my heart with song_ ," Leia continued, breaking apart from Jyn and singing without missing a beat.

" _Let me sing for ever-more._  
_You are all I long for, all I worship and adore._ "

Leia had eyes only for Jyn now, as she belted out the lyrics up on the stage.

" _In other words, please be true._ "

Leia spun away from Jyn across the stage, roping the lead singer of the _Mumbles_ into a two-step, then tossing him aside to spin back into the spotlight.

" _In other words: I love...YOU!_ "

The pianist hit the final chord. Leia was on one knee in front of Jyn, holding up a rose.

The crowd was in a state of pandemonium. Leia got up, bowing, and led Jyn off the stage, then came back for another bow, receiving more applause and roses. Bodhi climbed onto the seat of the booth, clapping wildly.

Finally, Leia was ushered off the stage by Maz, and the _Mumbles_ resumed their position in the half-light, starting up another song with much more agreeable lyrics. Jyn made her way across the dance floor to Bodhi’s booth, Leia in tow.

“You do this often?” Bodhi asked Leia incredulously, as she and Jyn seated themselves across from him in the booth.

“Every Thursday, for about, oh, a year or so now,” Leia admitted.

“It’s actually how I ended up being dared by Chewie to ask Leia out on a date,” said Jyn. “I used to frequent this bar quite a lot back when I was studying at culinary school–”

At this, Bodhi raised his eyebrows.

"–and Chewie and I sort of became friends. The _Mumbles_ play here quite frequently. It's not Chewie's fault that they only play three original compositions. They do good covers, though," Jyn said. “He knew Leia from her drag king performances, because he’d always be on stage playing accompaniment, and he knew that I came here because, you know, I’m gay, so…”

“What’s Chewie’s actual name?” Bodhi asked suddenly.

"Glenn," Leia supplied. “I'm not really sure why everyone calls him Chewie."

"And was that," asked Bodhi, gesturing vaguely, "an original composition?"

"The Hip-Hop Service?" Jyn asked. "Yeah. So is this, actually," she said, referring to the song currently being performed.

"The Hip-Hop Service was supposed to be in the style of Eminen," she added.

"Really?" Bodhi asked. "I couldn't tell."

"Yeah, I don't know." Jyn agreed.

_I can't wait to cross the threshold_  
_Step over the Holy Doorstep_  
_Of my trailer_

_As I return_  
_From a gastrole_  
_In a city in Kentucky_  
_With my guitar over my shoulder_  
_Hanging my coat up on the rack_

"Do they actually," Bodhi inquired, "go on tour?"

"Supposedly," said Leia, sipping her margarita. "But I've never seen Chewie go with them, if that's the case."

"What made you do it?"

"I'm not completely sure why this, exactly," Leia said, twirling the alcohol in her glass. "I was overworked with school and the responsibilities of my family. Came here after classes one day. Saw another drag king perform, actually. I was astonished. So I signed up for a masterclass with them. And ended up doing it ever since."

"Does anyone else know?" Bodhi asked.

"Luke," Leia replied. "No one else. And I'd like to keep it that way."

Bodhi nodded.

"Anyway," Leia said, finishing her margarita. "I have to change out of this and leave before 10pm, so I gotta go."

She rose, and winked at Bodhi and Jyn. "Tab's on me."


	26. the robot auction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! Chapter 26 was one of the chapters that I had to wrangle with before posting, and I left it off until the last moment because I wasn't getting any good ideas. 
> 
> Content warning: Mention of the death of an unnamed character. 
> 
> A list of important dates to keep in mind:  
> May 14th: Cassian and Kay's graduation ceremony  
> May 15th: Bodhi's graduation ceremony  
> May 23rd: Bodhi's keynote

Chapter Twenty-Six

Bodhi was hunched over his calculations, tapping the end of his pen against his chin.

It was calming, in a way, spending a Thursday of his spring break back at university, holed up in his laboratory. It _seemed_ counterintuitive, being surrounded by constant reminders of his upcoming keynote. But being around the material helped him relax; allowed him to check his work over and over again to determine that nothing was, in fact, the matter.

And what could he do if his laboratory had computers with much more powerful processors, better programs, and that were connected to an on-call 3-D printer, as well as equipped with three bioreactors? Optimal working conditions for someone who could not stop worrying about their dissertation.

So Bodhi looked up in surprise when there was a soft knock on his laboratory door. Turning off the blacklight and flipping up his magnifying lenses, he turned towards the sound.

"Come in," he said, looking inquiringly at the door, his leg jittering.

The door swung open uncertainly, and, to Bodhi's surprise, revealed Cassian.

He was wearing a navy windbreaker with dark pants and tennis shoes, a small black backpack slung over his shoulder. A visitor's badge was displayed prominently on the lapel of his jacket. His hair was tied into a ponytail, now long enough for almost all of the hair to be tucked neatly away. He still hadn’t trimmed it, and it was proving to be a distraction.

Maybe not to Cassian, but definitely to Bodhi.

"Hey," Cassian said quietly, stopping unsurely just beyond the door.

Bodhi’s face broke into a wide smile. “Hey, yourself. What’re you doing here?”

Cassian pouted. “I thought you’d be glad to see me.”

Bodhi rolled his eyes, still smiling broadly, and got up from the chair to close the laboratory door after Cassian. “Of course I am,” he said genuinely, pausing by Cassian’s side to gently slip his hands into Cassian’s, loosening their rigid tension as Cassian slowly relaxed. “Did something come up?”

Cassian let Bodhi lead him to the wall opposite the worktable, where they paused, hands still clasped together. “Jyn called. She said she was worried that you were going to stress yourself to pieces over the keynote, and asked that I do something about it. I wasn’t really sure what to do, so I came here.” Cassian shifted from one foot to the other.

“You’re obviously working, though, not just pacing around and stressing, and I didn’t want to annoy you with calling or nagging, so I thought I’d drop by, talk to you, see if you needed a reason to go out–”

"You went through the third degree with the public safety office just to get in here and talk to me?" Bodhi cut him off incredulously, the look in his eyes conveying gratitude.

"Well..."

"I could've gone down and helped out! You could have said you were a friend coming to visit! To be honest, the security’s pretty lax about that sort of thing."

"That would ruin the surprise, wouldn't it?"

Bodhi scoffed goodnaturedly. "How did you find the lab?"

"Jyn told me. I also asked the guard."

Bodhi let out a chuckle, lowering them both to sitting positions on the floor. “And how am I doing, in your opinion?”

Cassian crossed his legs, leaning his back against the cool cement wall. “We’re the ones overreacting, in my opinion. You’re doing just fine. And I’d believe you if you told me.”

Bodhi sat back on his heels, content, before slowly getting up. Cassian let his arms be pulled upward, unwilling to let go of Bodhi’s hands. Bodhi released them gently, and they dropped lightly back onto Cassian’s thighs. “Thank you, though. For stopping by. It’ll be nicer with you here. But now, I need to work.”

Cassian nodded in understanding. “Thanks for letting me stick around, even after I practically invited myself here.”

Bodhi grinned at Cassian from his swivel chair. “Looks like we’re a package deal. We all are, at one point or another.”

*

"What will happen afterwards?" Cassian's voice asked.

"Hm?" Bodhi inquired, looking up from his blueprints.

"After we graduate; when you go on to get a doctorate. What's going to happen—"

 _Between us_ was the unspoken ending of that sentence, of that question. But what were they now?

"Don't think about what _might_ happen," Bodhi suggested softly. "Think about what _will_."

A small smile quirked at the corner of Cassian's lips. "Then what are you doing now?" He shook his head wryly. "Bodhi, you're—"

"—overworking myself? Yeah, I've realized," Bodhi said, looking back down at his blueprints.

"—remarkable," Cassian said gently, shuffling around somewhere behind Bodhi.

Bodhi turned around to look at him. He'd settled more comfortably on the floor against the back wall, and had taken a sketchbook out of his bag. A charcoal pencil scratched softly against the paper.

"I thought you only drew people you knew; people that inspired you."

"Yeah," Cassian said, without looking up from the paper.

Bodhi took a second to realize. “Cassian–” he protested.

“Hey,” Cassian countered, looking up from the paper. “Maybe I just to want to carry a reminder of you around with me wherever I go, folded in my wallet, when you’re not around.”

“A photograph would fit better,” Bodhi offered, turning back to his work.

"My mother used to carry my green-card photo around in her wallet." Cassian said with a soft laugh. "That was—" he paused, his hand and pencil stilling. "That was how they identified her body."

Bodhi covered his mouth with his hand, turning back to Cassian.

“I was so young on my green-card photograph,” Cassian continued, not pausing to elaborate. Bodhi was glad he hadn’t. “I was eleven then. It was one of the only photos of me at that age.”

“Do you still have it?” Bodhi asked quietly, rolling his chair over to Cassian’s side.

Cassian shook his head. “It’s locked in a safety deposit box, along with some of her other important belongings. It was the best I could do, because I was shipped out with the army so soon afterwards.” He looked at the sketchpad on his lap, and a twin Bodhi looked out. “It didn’t really feel right, taking it out when I got back. It was hers, after all.

“Perhaps a bit superstitiously, I didn’t want to have it around after what happened, either. Felt like it might be bad luck, and it would linger with whoever carried the photograph with them. I couldn’t help but think that, in a way, it had somehow been my fault, because I’d _been_ there." Cassian bit his lip. "I wouldn’t want you to have that photograph, because I don’t want something terrible to happen to _you_.”

Cassian rubbed the backs of his arms with his hands. “Maybe that’s why I prefer my drawings. There’s something different about them; they don’t carry the same weight. And they’re blameless.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think now would be a good time to mention planned update changes; because I've realized that I've miscounted in terms of the chapter-a-day ratio and posting the final chapter on June 25th (I ended up overshooting and having one more chapter than day), I will be posting both Chapters 28 and Chapter 29 (Cassian and Kay's, and Bodhi's, graduation ceremonies, respectively) on June 24th, probably several hours apart from each other, and posting the final chapter, Chapter 30, on June 25th.


	27. cantina band

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 60s surf rock songs for this chapter can be found [here](http://kataclysmimicking.tumblr.com/post/162008706230/complete-chronological-list-of-songs-mentioned-in) (song list) and [here on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/2257e4oktgjjgy6xws6qdsmoq/playlist/2NDc0PZoLAoPxQFAmVYKAl). They're songs nine and ten on both. 
> 
> ...passersby...

Chapter Twenty-Seven

May in New York City meant a rapid change from days of rain and wind to those of silent, stifling heat that muffled the noise of the street and made everyone drowsy. The paneled windows of the restaurant were thrown open during the day to let the warm air in, and curtained closed in the evening to still allow some circulation but shield the restaurant’s occupants from mosquitos and ogling passersby.

May meant students were jittery and restless for graduation. It also meant that the days crawled by, each one its own eternity, and a week took roughly the time between the Big Bang and January 12th, 1973 to pass.

Kay was prospecting. Graduation meant that he could commit to a full-time job, and he would have more opportunities after attaining his MBA.

So he would most likely quit his job as a deliveryman for Chirrut and Baze’s restaurant after he graduated. It eased his mind that they wouldn’t be ones to oppose his choice, but there was a sense of guilt in regards to the incredible truth that his job at the restaurant had been the catalyst of much of the year’s events.

There was one person that Kay could go to who he knew would be willing – and could – help him with job opportunities.

So Kay left Cassian in their air conditioner-less apartment, its windows open wide and its solitary occupant stretched out on the bed reading Asimov, and took his scooter uptown to Cethro’s dormitory.

  
  


The student dormitory that Cethro occupied was located several avenues away from Columbia’s main campus, near the cathedral of Saint John the Divine. The building was irregular, with its cubic rooms protruding at intervals from its front façade. It also housed a multi-car garage, located below ground level, underneath the dorms. But Cethro owned a bicycle that he kept inside his dorm room, and therefore did not take advantage of his one provided parking space.

But that didn’t mean that Kay couldn’t.

Kay maneuvered his scooter around the cars idling in front of the garage entrance and drove down the entrance ramp. The cloudless sky gave way to paneled fluorescent lights, and the stifling heat slowly turned into the cool and stale air-conditioned air of the basement lot.

Kay drove slowly up to the attendant’s booth, leaning his foot on the pavement to balance the scooter. Stopping in front of the booth, with his other foot he flipped down the kickstand, and, cutting the engine, swung his left leg over the seat and got off.

The attendant hurried out of the booth towards him. Kay slipped off his helmet, tucking it under his arm, and leaned against the Vespa.

“Good afternoon, sir! How long?” asked the attendant, scuttling forward as Kay stepped away from the Vespa.

“Four hours, please. And put it under Cethro Pio. He's a resident at this dorm.” said Kay, wiping the sweat from his brow.

“Ah,” said the attendant, vanishing back inside his booth to print Kay’s receipt. Kay combed his hair back from his forehead with his fingers. Completely sealed helmets weren’t very practical in the summer.

The attendant came back out of the booth and handed Kay his receipt. “Thank you, sir. Have a good day!” With that, the attendant mounted the scooter, flipped the kickstand back up, and revved it, vanishing away into the depths of the garage.

Kay shrugged and followed the signs to the elevator to street level.

  
  


Kay took the building’s elevator to the sixth floor. Cethro's dorm was the fourth room on the right. The door was painted a dull forest green, and a sticker labelling the dorm to be housing one Cethro Pio and one Kes Dameron hung limply beneath the apartment number, unsticking in the heat.

Kay rang the doorbell.

There was a mewl from inside, followed by some shuffling.

"Watch your legs, Kay," came Cethro's muffled voice through the door. "And come in quickly. R2 always wants to explore the hallway."

Kay complied, standing as close to the door as possible, listening for the click of the lock. As soon as the door opened a sliver, there was a thump against his legs.

He reached down reflexively and picked up the Oriental Longhair, catching her in his arms and cradling her in the crook of his left elbow, his helmet still tucked under his right arm.

R2 mewled with displeasure, exploration of the Forbidden Hallway foiled.

Cethro opened the door wider, letting Kay and R2 back into the small studio apartment.

Once Kay was inside, Cethro closed and locked the front door, and Kay released R2 onto the floor, where she scampered off silently, white fur flashing.

"Hello, Kay. Sorry about the hassle," Cethro said apologetically.

“No worries,” said Kay, setting his helmet down on the counter and dusting R2’s white fur off of his black t-shirt.

 _The Best of 60s Surf Rock_ was playing from a speaker somewhere in the dorm room. The air conditioning whirred softly.

“My roommate’s out for the day,” Cethro explained, dropping into an armchair in the living room and pulling his laptop towards him. Kay sunk into the armchair across from him.

“Basically, I’ve spoken with several ambassadors that I know well enough to trust,” said Cethro, engrossed in listings, “and I’ve managed to find around fifteen reputable job opportunities to which your MBA will offer a boost in the hiring process.”

R2 slunk back into the room and hopped onto the armchair that Kay was occupying, completely ignoring the fact that he was inside. Kay rubbed her under her chin. R2 purred and settled on his lap, a small portable heater, covering his black jeans with white fur. The air conditioning made her body heat bearable.

Cethro turned the laptop so that Kay could read the screen. Kay leaned forward reflexively, stopping his petting of R2.

R2 meowed in complaint. Kay resumed scratching her around the ears, still squinting at the small print.

“These are interview dates,” Cethro clarified. “Go only to ones that you can make it to. Don’t go out of your way for them. They’re all pretty much the same in responsibility and salary. Just depends on the company and the location.”

Kay took the laptop from Cethro, continuing to pet R2 distractedly with his right hand. She didn’t seem to mind the prosthetic.

He read through the listings. The salaries were surprisingly high, and Kay briefly considered his thin and unimpressive resume.

“Don’t worry about your resume,” said Cethro, as if reading his mind. “They don’t necessarily hire based on your level of expertise. Just impress them with your mouth and your talk of money.”

“Cethro–” Kay said weakly. Cethro cackled.

“Present yourself as an interesting person. Tell a couple of anecdotes. Flaunt your journalistic prowess. Show that you’re a man of many facets. It’s bound to work.”

“I think you’re giving me a how-to for the wrong thing,” Kay said.

“Psh,” Cethro huffed. “One-night stands and interviews aren’t all that different.”

“I beg to differ,” Kay retorted.

“Of course,” said Cethro graciously. “You’ve had some one-of-a-kind experience.”

Kay sighed in exasperation.

“I promise,” said Cethro reassuringly. “It won’t be difficult. I’ll pull some strings if worst comes to worst. That’s how everyone does it these days anyway. What’s important is just how many strings someone can pull at once.”

Kay emailed himself the listings.

“While we’re on the subject of jobs,” said Cethro as Kay handed him back his computer. “What will happen to your part-time as a deliveryman for the restaurant?”

“I’ll have to quit,” Kay said. “I’d hate to drop it so suddenly on them, though. So much this year has happened because of my job at their restaurant.”

“Do you think they’d keep the position of a deliveryman open?” Cethro asked. “I’m looking for something fun and unrelated to politics to do this summer. You think they’d hire me?”

Kay considered the mitigating factors. “I’d say you have a pretty good shot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> R2 is loosely based on the Oriental Longhair [Pangur](http://pangur-and-grim.tumblr.com/tagged/Pangur) of pangur-and-grim.
> 
> Comments are greatly appreciated!


	28. ewok celebration

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Kay watched as Cassian readjusted his light blue graduation gown over his button-down for the seventh time in three minutes.

The heat was sweltering, even at 11 in the morning. Kay was also feeling rather uncomfortable in his button-down, black tie, black pants, and black leather shoes, all covered with the polyester blue gown, with the graduation cap jammed onto his head, the tassel swinging in front of his eyes.

A bead of sweat trickled down his neck. The rickety white chairs situated on the lawn in front of the Columbia Morningside Campus library were small and lined close together, and Kay’s knees were crammed uncomfortably between his seat and the chair in front of him.

Bodhi had come to their recognition ceremony. Chirrut and Baze had insisted on coming along as well. The seven-guest limit was more than enough to allow them through. For the first time in a while, Kay and Cassian had someone to put on the guest list.

Cassian readjusted his gown for the eighth time.

“How are you?” Kay asked Cassian quietly. Cassian tucked his hair behind his ears. He’d left it down, and it nearly reached his shoulders, curling in the heat and displaced by the graduation cap.

“What will happen then?” Cassian asked, as the massive crowd of students rose with the arrival of the speaker.

“When?” Kay whispered, as they all sat back down onto the chairs to listen. Several rows ahead, a chair collapsed. There was quiet tittering among the surrounding students.

“After all of this,” Cassian whispered back. “It’ll be over. We’ll have– we’ll have a life. Things will be different.”

Kay considered the question while passively observing the mass of blue around the lawn. Behind the graduates was a section partitioned off for the guests.

The ceremony would go this way: the names of all of the graduates would be called, where they’d get to ascend the stairs and make the voyage across the stage, shake the sweaty hand of every single department member, and then descend back down and wish for the whole thing to be over. The actual diploma would come in the mail.

“I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing,” Kay said finally, as they rose again to applaud whatever the speaker had said.

An old man with a reedy voice that Kay vaguely recognized hobbled up to the microphone, and pulled out a scroll of names. Kay sat back. He’d be called towards the end, being in the later half of the alphabet. Cassian, on the other hand–

“General Andor, Cassian, graduating _magna cum laude_ ,” squeaked the man, and Cassian wrestled out of the chair, adjusting his hat, his robe, his tie, his pants, and anything in his general vicinity that, from his perspective, required adjusting. The row got up to let him struggle through, clapping weakly.

Kay watched as Cassian mounted the stairs and was presented with a ribbon that was draped over his shoulder, signifying his magna cum laude status. He shook the hand of the reedy man, as well as the hands of the entire panel located behind him. Everyone clapped again as he made his way down the steps on the other side of the stage.

“The Empire State Building is lit up blue today in honor of the graduation,” Kay said cheerily as a shaky Cassian resumed his seat next to him.

“It’s over,” said Cassian almost inaudibly, looking at his magna cum laude sash in disbelief.

“I know,” Kay said, low enough that only Cassian could hear. “But only _this_.”

  
  


“Lieutenant Tuesso, Kay, graduating _summa cum laude_ ,” came the rather hoarse voice of the reedy man close to an hour later. There was a renewed burst of applause as Kay unfolded himself from the chair and made his way over to the stage.

He mounted the stairs slowly, his hip aching dully in the humid weather, and shuffled across the stage. The man looked quite proud as he draped the summa cum laude sash across Kay, and held out his hand expectantly. His right hand.

Kay offered his prosthetic. The reedy man did a double take. They shook hands awkwardly, the reedy man grasping Kay’s left hand in both of his and pumping vigorously. The occurrence was repeated with the other members of the panel. If only they’d let Kay offer his hand first.

There was more applause as Kay made his way down. From his brief survey from the vantage point that was the center of the stage, he’d spotted Chirrut in the crowd, distinguishable by his stylish beige summer suit. So he knew the vicinity in which to find the Îmwe-Malbus household after everything was over.

*

The ceremony took another hour to end. Utterly exhausted and defeated, reconsidering whether or not attendance had been worth it, the graduates started to slowly disperse.

Cassian and Kay made their way through the crowd towards the small three-person party to the side of the guest seating area.

“Congratulations, Kay,” said Chirrut’s voice by Kay’s elbow. Kay jumped.

Chirrut was sitting on one of the rickety white chairs, his hands folded atop his walking stick.

“Thank you,” said Kay, unsure of anything else to say. “May I?”

“Of course,” Chirrut said in a matter-of-fact way, and Kay sat down beside him.

Baze was talking with Cassian and Bodhi. Kay watched as he commented on something in their discussion, nodded in agreement, and then wandered off slightly to the side as Cassian and Bodhi continued talking.

“How are you, Kay?” asked Chirrut.

“Alright,” Kay admitted. “Slightly overcooked in this polyester, but otherwise alright.”

Chirrut smiled. “How was the end of the year?”

“Admittedly stressful,” Kay said. “But undoubtedly worth it.”

“That’s the most important thing,” said Chirrut.

They sat in silence for some time.

“What is Bodhi doing?” asked Chirrut, hands folded underneath his chin.

“Talking to Cassian,” Kay answered.

Chirrut hummed in response. “What is he wearing?”

“Underneath the blue robe?” asked Kay, assuming the ‘he’ to be referring to Cassian. “A white button-down with small grey stippling, a black tie, and grey slacks. Shiny black dress shoes. His hair reaches the nape of his neck.”

“Hmm,” Chirrut hummed again. “How is he?”

Kay looked at Cassian. He’d taken off his robe, and had slung it over his shoulder. Bodhi was turning his hat over in his hands.

“Better,” Kay decided, turning back to face Chirrut. “With the established schedule, things to do – I think he found something in himself. I mean, he graduated magna cum laude.”

Chirrut sat, contemplative, leaning against his stick.

Kay considered whether or not he should bring up the topic now, on the day of his graduation. He turned the words over on his tongue.

“I’m not sure if this is the best moment to bring it up–” Kay began, but Chirrut cut him off.

“It is an excellent and opportune moment to bring it up. Where is your new place of employment?”

Kay blanked for a moment, thrown off guard. He’d forgotten how incredibly perceptive Chirrut was.

“One of my friends knows a lot of people in the field of business,” Kay explained. “He helped me look for job openings in niche spheres for various organizations. He helped me find a small managing position.”

“That’s very impressive. I commend you,” said Chirrut. “How’s the salary?”

“Seventy-five thousand a year, net income,” said Kay. “That’s more than Cassian and I currently make combined.”

“And your army pension?”

“Now that I’ll have a full-time job, it will be lowered to the minimum necessary for the maintenance of my arm and hip,” Kay explained. “But we’ll be fine. If anything, Cassian still has his.”

“Where is it?”

“New York-New Jersey Port Authority,” said Kay quietly. “Their office is in New Jersey.” He paused, considering. “I haven’t told Cassian yet. Just in case…”

Chirrut nodded. “When do you start?”

“June 1st, just in time for the end-of-the-month craze,” said Kay, looking at his shoes.

“Will you be quitting right away?” asked Chirrut.

“I think so,” said Kay. “But I have a recommendation, if I may.”

“Go ahead,” said Chirrut.

“The person that helped me find the job at Port Authority is looking for a part-time. His name is Cethro Pio–”

“Yes, Jyn mentioned him to me in passing,” Chirrut acknowledged. “He works as an assistant to a UN ambassador, does he not?”

“Yes,” Kay assented. “He’s looking for something to do over the summer, away from the office and business.”

“Do you know if he wants to work for the entire summer?” Chirrut asked. “If so, that would help out a lot.”

“I believe so,” said Kay, “but I can leave his contact information with you so that you may get better acquainted on your own terms. He will still most likely be working part-time because of the UN sessions, but…”

“Thank you for telling me,” said Chirrut warmly.

Kay looked up to watch Bodhi and Cassian talk. Cassian was rocking back and forth on his heels. Bodhi was laughing.

“Come to Bodhi’s graduation tomorrow,” said Chirrut. “And bring Cassian. It’s an open event, unlike yours, and no tickets are required. Come over also to the restaurant afterwards, for dinner.”

Kay shook his head, cursed himself mentally, and tried to back out using words. “We couldn’t do that – it’s a family affair, and it would be the first time in a while that you’d get time together with your son–”

“As if he’d ever slow down,” Chirrut said, waving off Kay’s weak pleas. “He will keep striving and striving towards his goal, no matter what it takes. You think this is a pause? This is just the beginning.” Chirrut smiled with pride. “And come. We want to celebrate your and Cassian’s achievements as well.”

Chirrut stood, followed by Kay, and held out a hand, his left hand, towards Kay. “Congratulations again, Kay. I hope you will be there tomorrow.”

Chirrut turned to Cassian, switching his walking stick from his right hand to his left. “And congratulations to you again, too, Cassian. I will see you tomorrow, excuse the expression.”

Baze shook his and Cassian’s hands. Bodhi stood, gripping Cassian’s forearms.

“Until tomorrow, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated!


	29. scherzo for x-wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaffes about the _Mumbles_ aside, this is the second-to-last chapter.  
>  Obviously, this means intrigue.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Cassian shoved his hands in his pants pockets, the sleeves of his suit riding slightly up his arms.

The ceremony for the engineering program graduates was smaller than his and Kay's, given that the graduating class was also a good deal smaller. For this reason, there was also no guest limit and no required tickets, and he and Kay, along with Chirrut, Baze, and Jyn, made up one of the largest parties for a single graduate.

The weather was just as warm as it had been the day before, and the setting much the same, but with the knowledge that Cassian had already graduated and was looking into no further education, the campus, the South Meadow, the library all felt alien to him.

The guests were milling around the far end of the lawn, partitioned off with little flags of a bright yellow color. The ceremony would not start in another twenty minutes, and no one was eager to sit down.

Cassian tried looking over the heads of the guests, searching for Bodhi. The sea of dark fabric of the formal-suited guests, juxtaposed against the light blue of the graduates' gowns, made it hard to spot anyone.

Cassian was thankful for the absence of the polyester gown, but he'd made the mistake of wearing a dark grey suit jacket with black trousers, and was slowly suffocating in the heat. His hair was down, and it was a heavy weight against the back of his neck. The top button of his checkered shirt was unbuttoned, and he'd carefully folded his tie into his pants pocket.

Jyn was talking to Kay. She'd worn a high-collared blouse and dark jeans. A black-and-white striped cardigan was draped over her arm.

Kay had dressed more pragmatically than Cassian, in thin gray slacks and a blue button-down. His suit jacket was folded over his shoulder.

"Is that a tie in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Cassian turned around, startled.

Bodhi had skirted the flags and made his way over to the guest area. The blue of his gown was bright and stood out among their surroundings. His hat was perched on his head, hair braided neatly.

"Stand still," Bodhi muttered, as Cassian tried to turn around and face him.

"What are you doing?" Cassian breathed out, feeling Bodhi's fingers thread through his hair.

"Braiding your hair," Bodhi replied, and Cassian felt his strands of hair shift through Bodhi's fingers.

"Wh-?"

Bodhi slipped a hairband off of his wrist, tying the end of Cassian's braid. Cassian ran his fingers along the crown of his head.

"This feels intricate," Cassian said, turning around to face Bodhi. "And it is a tie in my pocket." Cassian took the tie out to prove his point and unfurled it, draping it across his neck.

"Your hair – French braid," Bodhi said with a grin. He reached up and folded up Cassian's collar, straightening out the tie. Deftly, he clasped closed the top button, his fingers brushing against the hollow of Cassian's neck. Cassian's breath caught in his throat.

A smile played across Bodhi's lips as he tucked the end of the tie through the knot, straightening it against Cassian's neck. "Maybe it's both?" he suggested cheekily.

Bodhi's hand lingered on Cassian's tie, his other hand resting on the lapel of Cassian’s suit jacket.

There was an ear-piercing whine, followed by microphone feedback. Chirrut flinched visibly. Bodhi flicked his eyes over Cassian’s shoulder, towards the stage.

"Sorry about that," said the speaker at the microphone. "Technical difficulties, and with an audience full of engineers. Can you imagine?"

There was weak laughter. Bodhi had a pained expression on his face.

"Anyway, I'm here to announce that the ceremony will begin in five minutes, so I ask that everyone please find their seats."

Bodhi's hand released Cassian's tie gently. "Enjoy the next hour of sitting," he sighed.

"For you, it's worth it," Cassian said with a grin. Jyn, appearing beside them, rolled her eyes.

"Go," she commanded, dragging Bodhi away from Cassian and towards his seat. "You'll have time to talk later, at the restaurant."

Laughing, Bodhi let Jyn haul him away, towards the seating.

*

It was an hour before they called Bodhi's name. Cassian was watching the stage, slouched in the small white chair. The guest area was underneath the large trees looming over the lawn, and it was cool and pleasant in the shade.

"Rook, Bodhi. Graduating _summa cum laude_ ," announced the speaker, a different person than the one presenting yesterday.

As Bodhi rose, the entire engineering graduating class broke into thunderous applause, cumulating in a standing ovation as he made his way across the stage. Jyn blew out a shrill wolf-whistle.

The speaker shook Bodhi's hand, then draped the summa cum laude sash across his shoulders, which was followed by more applause. It only grew more deafening as he descended the stairs from the stage and threaded his way through the rows to his seat.

Cassian’s heart thudded in his chest, matching the applause.

  
  


The rest of the ceremony concluded quickly. The diplomas would be delivered in the mail as well, and an announcement was made regarding the auditorium hosting Bodhi's keynote, which would start at twelve in the afternoon. With that and a final tossing of caps, the crowd cheered and began to disperse.

Bodhi pushed through the crowd, fighting his way over to where Cassian and the others were sitting. Jyn intercepted him first, embracing him in a warm hug. Carefully making his way around the chairs, Chirrut joined Jyn by Bodhi’s side and enveloped him in his arms.

Baze stood slightly off to the side, lingering by Chirrut. Bodhi said something inaudible and, disengaging from Chirrut, wrapped Baze in a bearhug.

Baze, Bodhi’s inspiration for going into engineering. For pursuing his dream. It was no wonder.

Cassian looked at his shoes. He still felt incredibly out of place at the family gathering. He knew he didn’t have as many shared experiences, as much–

Kay elbowed him in the ribs. Startled, Cassian looked up to see Bodhi hovering over him. He got up uncertainly, and Bodhi pulled him into a tight hug.

“Without you, this wouldn’t have been possible,” Bodhi said quietly into Cassian’s shoulder.

“Are you joking? I’ve done absolutely nothing–”

“You’ve been there for me,” Bodhi said, cutting Cassian off gently but insistantly. “You’ve motivated me and you’ve been there for me and you’ve inspired me with your own life. You’re not allowed to say that you’ve done nothing, because that’s not true.”

Cassian hugged him tighter.

They stood like that for a little, the light breeze ghosting across the meadow, as graduates flooded out around them. As the outflux ebbed, Bodhi pulled away gently. Baze and Chirrut were standing a bit further along the row of seats, not wanting to interrupt.

“Come to dinner with us,” said Bodhi, looking back towards where they were standing. “It’ll only be the six of us. Nothing big or fancy.”

Cassian followed Bodhi’s gaze to the forms of Chirrut and Baze, and Jyn and Kay, standing off to the side.

“If it won’t be a hassle,” said Cassian, turning back towards Bodhi.

Bodhi shot Cassian a look as they slowly walked back towards the group. “Don’t worry about that. You’re good company.”

Cassian laughed softly, replacing his hands back in his pants pockets. He hadn’t undone his tie after Bodhi had fastened it, or loosened his hair.

“You look incredible like that,” Bodhi whispered.

“Coming?” Baze inquired as they walked up. “Kay’s already agreed.”

“Yes,” Cassian affirmed. “Will we be–”

“Walking,” Chirrut clarified. “If you don’t mind. It’s not that far, and the weather is lovely.”

“Not at all,” Cassian agreed. “I hadn’t realized it was that close.”

“Not so close,” Baze acknowledged. “But not too far.” He turned to Bodhi. “Will you take that blue gown off now, or at the restaurant?”

“I think I’ll leave it on,” Bodhi decided, looking down at his attire. “Somehow, it carries with it a sense of finality and closure.”

“Plus, people can yell congratulations at you in the street,” Jyn supplied, grinning. They gathered up their belongings, and with a final look of respect and solidarity at the university, headed across the campus towards the exit.

“How are you doing? In terms of the keynote?” Cassian asked as they walked, stepping into stride with Bodhi.

Bodhi contemplated a hedge as he considered some data, ticking it off on his fingers. “I have seven 3D-printed models to showcase, hopefully both physically and via the projector through a 3D modelling program, as well as several hundred blueprints and a short forty-minute speech. I’ll be going in chronological order along the digestive system, but first I’m starting with the lungs.”

“You’ve put an unbelievable amount of work into this. I’m transfixed by your work, and I can’t pretend that I can even begin to understand the exact nature of your project,” Cassian confessed, awestruck, casting his eyes on passing houses as he shook his head to express his amazement. “Will you be telling them about the specificities?”

“If they ask,” Bodhi said modestly. “I wouldn’t want to shower them with statistics. Just display my work ethic.”

“Will you be taking audience questions?” Cassian asked.

“Yes,” Bodhi said solemnly. “I’ve made sure that I can extensively and concisely answer any broad questions about my field of study, and tried to prepare as best as possible for more precise ones.”

“I hope it won’t take too much of a toll on you,” Cassian said earnestly.

“Shouldn’t be too bad,” Bodhi assured. “It’ll be less than two hours. There won’t be that much time for questions concerning existentialism.”

Their group came up along Central Park. Cassian recognized the northernmost edge.

“It’s incredible,” Bodhi confessed. “I think there’s some part of me that still hasn’t caught up, that still can’t believe that this is real.”

  
  


Chirrut’s keys jingled, and the door to the restaurant swung open. Jyn replaced the Closed sign on the door, letting everyone inside.

Kay hung his suit jacket on the back of a chair, and Baze and Chirrut disappeared into the kitchen. Bodhi stretched, then shuffled towards the coat hanger by the door.

“Give me a sec,” he said, placing his hat on the coat hanger and carefully removing his sash, hanging it next to his hat. Fluidly, he pulled the robe over his head, where it billowed and settled in his outstretched hand as he tucked back his hair. Underneath the robe he’d been wearing an ivory shirt with a broken gray pinstripe, tucked into black slacks. With a flourish, he hung up his gown alongside the sash and the hat, and walked over to join Cassian, Jyn, and Kay.

“It’ll be a light meal,” Bodhi said as the four of them moved the three tables together and sat down. “Nothing too heavy.”

“It’s too hot for anything substantial,” Jyn agreed, her fingers tapping softly on the tabletop across from Cassian.

Kay leaned back in his chair as Cassian draped his own suit jacket across the bench next to him. “What are you considering, Bodhi? Doctorate?”

“Most likely,” said Bodhi, looking towards the doorway into the kitchen. Chirrut appeared, carrying a bowl of chilled shrimp salad.

“Same university, or–?” Kay inquired, moving aside the condiment basket to make room for the salad.

“Depends on how well the keynote goes,” Bodhi said with a sigh. “Maybe, one day, MIT.”

Cassian looked down at the table.

Baze carried out a tray of drinks, along with several other different salads, as well as small plates of manti. Dishes and silverware were handed around, and Jyn passed out the drinks.

“I think this is an excellent way to conclude your studies,” Chirrut said, ladling out tabbouleh. “All of yours,” he said, setting down the bowl. “Except for you, Jynnie,” he laughed, directing his comment at Jyn over Kay’s shoulder.

“They deserve the praise,” Jyn said good-naturedly. “They’ve come a much longer way than I have in terms of figuring out what they’re going to do with their lives.”

Baze made a face of faux-surprise. “Jyn, you’re telling me that you _don’t_ plan on becoming a car mechanic?” The table shared a round of laughter.

Chirrut cleared his throat. “While we’re all here, I’d like to announce something, with the permission of Kay.” He turned, and Kay gave a small nod of agreement. Cassian tried to catch Kay’s eyes, brow knit, but Kay kept his gaze fixed on his dumplings.

“Kay will be leaving his job here at the restaurant,” said Chirrut. Cassian’s eyes widened in surprise.

.--....-.--

 _Why_ , Cassian tapped softly against the side of his table. Kay rolled his chopsticks between his thumb and forefinger and resolutely kept his eyes down.

“He has found a new employment opportunity that better suits his exceptional qualifications,” Chirrut continued, “and will be taking a full-time job.”

Cassian struggled to process the information. Kay suddenly seemed to be a thousand miles away. Without him–

“He will continue to be a member of the Îmwe-Malbus family,” Chirrut said with sincerity, “and is welcome to drop by at the restaurant at any time to visit and say hello.”

“Congratulations, Kay,” Baze commended.

Jyn grinned and nodded her head. “See, told you.”

Cassian blinked rapidly, trying to overcome his surprise. “Kay–”

Cassian’s phone rang loudly. Everyone jolted.

“I’m really sorry about that,” Cassian stammered, pawing his phone out of his suit pocket. He stared at the display screen. The number was listed to be from London, England.

“Who is it?” asked Kay, as the phone continued to buzz in Cassian’s hand.

“Good question,” said Cassian. “Number from London. I don’t know anyone from there.”

“Maybe you should answer it? Just in case?” Jyn suggested around her mouthful of salad.

“I don’t think I can afford an overseas call, even out of curiosity,” Cassian sighed.

“The person paying will be at that end of the line, because they’re the one placing the call,” Bodhi reasoned, looking over Cassian’s shoulder at the phone as it continued to make a racket.

“You’re right,” Cassian acknowledged, bringing the phone up to his face.

The ringing stopped.

“Oh, well,” Cassian shrugged, replacing the phone in his suit. “Probably wasn’t important.”

The phone rang again.

“Maybe you should take it,” Kay suggested, as Cassian dug it out of his suit for the second time.

“Alright. Excuse me for a moment. Sorry for the noise,” Cassian said apologetically, slipping out from the table and heading into the entryway to answer. Bodhi could hear him settle on the stairs.

The ringing stopped, followed by quiet murmuring. At the table, everyone resumed eating.

“How’s the salad?” Chirrut asked, passing around a bowl of white rice.

“It’s great for the weather,” Kay remarked. “The cream helps keep the chill.”

“Seconds of drinks?” Bodhi suggested.

“Could you bring the pot of iced tea?” Jyn asked, making doe eyes.

“It’s fine, I’ll manage,” Bodhi said, waving off Baze’s protests that he should get at least one day to relax.

Bodhi tucked the drinks tray under his arm and collected the empty bowl of shrimp salad, en route to the kitchen. Walking through the doorway, he spotted Cassian, sitting on the lowest stair, the hand holding the phone stretched out in front of him, staring numbly.

“Cassian?” Bodhi asked, pausing in the doorway. Cassian managed several breaths.

“Cassian, what happened?” Bodhi crouched down beside Cassian, leaving the empty bowl on the punchcard machine, pot of iced tea forgotten. “Who was calling?”

Cassian struggled, collecting his composure. “It- it was Reuters.” His voice cracked. “They called about my interview. The one I did in January.”

By then, Bodhi’s unusual absence had attracted some concern. Jyn had gotten up and was hovering in the doorway, faced etched with worry. “Cassian? Are you alright?”

There was a grinding of a chair as Kay slowly made his way over. Together, the four of them congregated, huddling close together in the small stairwell.

“Reuters, they- they’ve accepted me,” Cassian managed, biting his lip.

“Congratulations, Cassian!” Kay exclaimed, rubbing Cassian’s shoulder.

“Kay,” Cassian said weakly. “They’re- they’re sending me to- to London.”

Kay, Jyn, and Bodhi’s mouths fell open. The empty bowl of salad slipped from the punchcard machine and hit the floor with a bang, rolling out into the main room.

“And I’m leaving May 23rd.”


	30. across the stars

Chapter Thirty

The military backpack shifted back and forth, pressing against Cassian’s back. His steps echoed against the tiles and off of the steel beams of the airport terminal’s roof.

The plane for London was leaving at 2:30pm, and would get to Heathrow early in the morning.

It was 1pm. He’d missed Bodhi’s keynote, which had started at midday and was slated to end at 1:30pm.

He’d taken the A, then the shuttle, and then the monorail to the airport. Kay was at the keynote, much at the insistence of Cassian, so he had gone to the airport alone.

Cassian paused, looking out of the enormous glass windows. Stretched out before him were dozens of aircraft; Qatar Airways, Korean Air, Virgin Atlantic, Air New Zealand; colorful planes with polished bodies gleaming in the sunlight.

So different from the military aircraft he’d flown in and piloted during his years of military service. Everything around suddenly felt foreign, and he couldn’t have felt farther from home.

He was taking a Finnair flight to London. It would take approximately six hours and forty-five minutes. He’d be in Heathrow at around 9pm New York time (EST), 3am London time (BST).

Reuters had financed his trip. It was understandable; the plane ticket cost more than Kay’s monthly salary. They’d also filled out the forms for his work visa. That was why it had taken them so long to respond.

But where was home? To him, a first-generation immigrant whose age placed him neither here nor there, who’d spent such large periods of his life in one place or another, nowhere felt constant.

But someone did.

Kay. He’d said goodbye to him that morning.

  
  


He hadn’t been able to sleep that night. He’d sat awake, staring at the corner where he’d settled his pilates mat five months ago, as Bodhi had fallen asleep in his bed. Lay awake, staring at the expanse of bed beside him; a bed that had once seemed small and fit only for one now felt incomplete. And after today, it would be completely empty, because he would be gone, too.

His military backpack had stood against his closet door, a ghost in the darkness of his room. He’d stared at the ceiling for a long time, wishing that the silence would swallow him whole.

In the early morning, he’d stood silently in the living room, looking around and feeling lost. The room had felt empty, much like him. Kay had found him staring at the portraits of Sosha Soruna and Mon Mothma and wringing his hands.

They’d stood across from each other for some time, Kay by the doorway and Cassian standing vacantly by the loveseat, the expanse of coffee table between them.

Kay had walked quietly into the room, around the coffee table.

“You didn’t sleep,” Kay had said, gently brushing his thumb along the dark circles underneath Cassian’s eyes. His hand had been warm. Cassian hadn’t flinched away. “You should have taken rozerem. You need to rest.”

“ _I know that_ ,” Cassian had grit out harshly. Kay had pulled back, uncertain, and Cassian’s composure had shattered.

He’d turned away, angry and ashamed, trying to blink back his tears. He hadn’t wanted their last interaction to be sharp and full of bitterness.

Kay had let him cry. When Cassian turned back around, Kay was still standing there, looking at Cassian, eyes radiating solicitude. He’d enveloped Cassian in a tight embrace, and Cassian had felt Kay’s heartbeat, slow and constant. As it always had been.

“Of course I care about you,” Kay had said against Cassian’s hair, and Cassian could feel his smile. “You’re not going to come back to find me with a wife and three kids. You know that. Things are going to change, but not as much as you think.

“And you’re not going to be disconnected from what’s going on. You have your laptop. Call us on Skype from time to time, whenever you have a moment. Keep us updated. You’ve gone away before. It’s not going to be as terrible as you think.”

Cassian had pressed his face further into Kay’s chest. “But the last time I left, you were all I had. And you came with me.” He was shaking.

Kay had pulled back slightly to catch Cassian’s eyes. “But now, you have somewhere to come back to.”

They’d settled on the loveseat together, and he’d fallen asleep against Kay’s shoulder. Kay had let him sleep, until it had been time for him to leave for the keynote and for Cassian to gather his things and commute to the airport. He’d shaken Cassian awake gently, reluctant to deprive him of what little sleep he’d managed to get.

Cassian had stood, silent and doleful against the wall of the entryway, as he watched Kay slip on his moto jacket.

“Te quiero,” he’d said quietly, wrapping his arms around Kay.

“Yo también te quiero,” Kay had replied softly.

  
  


He started walking again, adjusting the straps of his bag. He’d packed nearly all of his belongings – which wasn’t much – for the trip. His stay in London would be at least five years. After five years, the work visa that Reuters had gotten for him would expire, and then he’d be sent on another assignment.

Five years. And he hadn’t even gotten to say a proper goodbye to Jyn, to Baze and Chirrut.

To Bodhi.

Cassian rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand. Phones existed, computers existed. He’d keep in touch. Definitely.

The small amount of people in the airport still gave him a wide berth as he passed. Maybe it was the military rucksack. Maybe it was the fact that he was crying.

  
  


The woman at the registration asked him if he’d like to check in his bag. She did not mention his red eyes. He politely declined, and she attached the cabin luggage sticker onto one of the straps. She printed out his ticket and bid him a nice flight.

He wondered how many times she did that every day.

There were pigeons in the rafters of the terminal. The flutter of their wings was sharp and loud. Something garbled over the loudspeaker.

Cassian walked along the rows of registration desks, along the floor-to-ceiling windows. He could see downtown Manhattan across the river.

Someone was calling his name.

*

Bodhi shifted gears, cutting off at least three other cars as he sped across two lanes and through the exit that led to the airport parking lot. The old Saab rumbled begrudgingly, but did not protest the maneuvers. He screeched to a halt in front of the ticket machine, impatiently rolling down the driver’s side window as the machine chewed on his parking ticket.

Ripping the ticket from the machine’s mouth, he sped through the gate as the barrier lifted. Parking: long-term.

The airport parking lot was nearly empty. Afternoon, middle of May. No one had anywhere to go yet.

He maneuvered the Saab into a spot in the shade, shoving the ticket onto the dashboard. Locking all doors except the driver’s, he shouldered the duffel that was occupying the passenger seat and grabbed the printouts from the glove compartment. Slamming shut the driver’s door and locking it, he sprinted across the lot towards the elevators.

The elevator hummed slowly up to the third floor. Bodhi was the only one in it. His hand tapped restlessly against his thigh. The strap of the duffel was digging into his shoulder.

The elevator dinged, and Bodhi sprinted out, almost levelling a janitor. Apologizing profusely, he ran across the hall, ignoring the moving platforms.

Sunlight streamed through the windows. Bodhi smashed through the doors, ending up above the grand concourse, by the escalators. The registration desks were stretched out below.

He spotted a figure by the humongous windows, walking slowly towards the security check. A figure with shoulder-length dark hair and a military backpack.

He took the escalator steps two at a time, his heart in his throat. On the main floor, he turned left and started running. People scooted out of his way, mildly alarmed. His duffel slammed against his hip, the printouts clutched in his left hand.

The figure was getting closer, oblivious to the commotion that Bodhi was causing. It turned its head, looking through the windows at the skyline across the river.

“Cassian!”

*

Cassian turned. Bodhi had a fraction of a second to watch as Cassian’s face went through expressions of surprise, bewilderment, confusion, and uttermost happiness. He did not slow down.

Cassian unshouldered his bag in one fluid motion and opened his arms. Bodhi ran into them, the inertia swinging both of them around. Cassian did not let go.

The duffel bag slipped from Bodhi’s shoulder, and Bodhi let it fall against his feet. Cassian’s head was against his shoulder, his arms wrapped around him.

“You came,” Cassian whispered against his neck, incredulous. “You’re here.”

“Yes,” Bodhi whispered back. “The keynote ended earlier than I thought.” He unclasped one of his arms from around Cassian to shove the papers into his left pocket. He pulled away slightly, to look at Cassian’s face.

“I’m leaving,” Cassian said hoarsely. “For five years. I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t know–”

“Cassian- Cassian,” Bodhi tried, leaning back slightly to try and catch Cassian’s eyes. Cassian resolutely kept his face buried in Bodhi’s chest.

Bodhi reached up and cupped Cassian’s face gently in his hands. “Cassian, listen,” he said quietly, as Cassian continued to stammer. “Look.”

Reaching down carefully, he pulled out the printouts from his pocket. The printouts that confirmed his registration for the flight to Heathrow airport from John F. Kennedy International Airport at 2:30pm on Tuesday, May 23rd.

Cassian’s eyes widened, shock and questions reflected inside.

“The keynote attendees. They loved my presentation. They want me to present it again. At Oxford. In London.”

Cassian was blinking away tears, still looking incredulously at Bodhi.

  
  


“I’m coming with you.”

  
  


Wordlessly, Cassian pulled Bodhi into a tighter embrace. Bodhi angled his face upwards, looking at Cassian. Cassian’s face was glistening, still wet from his tears.

Bodhi reached up, and tangled his hands in Cassian’s hair. Cassian tilted his head slightly down. A small smile played across Bodhi’s lips.

The loudspeakers announced their flight's registration to be closing. People shoved past them, hurrying to get in line for the TSA check. In the sea of passing faces, they stood fast and constant, the world rushing by around them. Neither wanted to move. Not just yet.

Cassian's fingers ghosted across Bodhi's cheek, trailing down to cup his face. Cassian's eyes was still damp, but he'd blinked away most of the tears. Cassian leaned down, and Bodhi tilted his head up.

They kissed gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And [here](http://kataclysmimicking.tumblr.com/post/151120413090/spiritualized-ladies-and-gentlemen-we-are) is the song that everyone should listen to after this scene. It's number eleven on the [song list](http://kataclysmimicking.tumblr.com/post/162008706230/complete-chronological-list-of-songs-mentioned-in) and [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/2257e4oktgjjgy6xws6qdsmoq/playlist/2NDc0PZoLAoPxQFAmVYKAl). 
> 
> Thank you so much!!   
> Comments are loved and greatly appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for sticking around until the end and reading all the way through! I'm on tumblr @kataclysmimicking
> 
> This was originally written in the month-long span from April 20th to May 23rd, with a chapter being written daily.
> 
> The song list (without links to any platforms) is [here](http://atollon.tumblr.com/post/162008706230/complete-chronological-list-of-songs-mentioned-in) and the Spotify playlist is [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/2257e4oktgjjgy6xws6qdsmoq/playlist/2NDc0PZoLAoPxQFAmVYKAl).


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